Being a man, not trying to be the "man"

[sufisaint]

After so many years of trying to fit into others expectations of me...trying to be a good athlete, good student, good son, cool dude, wild partier, good lover, successful business person, good husband, good provider, good father..the list goes on..I have finally realized that what really matters is just being a good man. I am finally coming into my own, its taken 38 years, but I have realized that once you have your core values settled, know what your about, all those other things just fall in line..maybe not to everyones expectations but they met your own and with that you can become happy. As for me,I believe in honesty, nothing counts unless its real and sincere...sure bullshitting works...but your still living a lie and it does not even matter if you get caught. The worst thing you can do is lie to yourself..its a trap most never get out of. The second thing is love. Not just the romantic kind but the compassionate kind as well. Once you can be compassionate with yourself, understand your own shortcomings, you can understand otheres and respect the difference in between and always try to be understanding. The golden rule is a simple truth but it is hard to follow. but its the trying that makes you a good person..not the perfection of it. The last thing is courage...beliefs mean nothing if you do not practice them. its hard to put yourself out there..you get really hurt when yo are being real...but thats where courage comes in...it a faith in your self. The last is honor..which to to me is combining al the above three..wether you agree or not with a persons actions or beliefs...you still respect them if they are an honorable...there is an arua around an honorable man that you have to respect. Unfornately our culture does not reward these characteristics...we seem to be obbssesed with money, things and appearance. But thats what being a man is all about standing up for what you think is right and believe no matter what public opinion is. This is just something I hve been thinking about for sometime...i have truth, love and courage tattoed on my wrist to remind me...but lately its really starting to work for me internally...the external things are just begining to come into line on my terms. It'd finally good to be a man...

Thanks for listening..

 

[Cherry]

Spoken like a true MAN!

Admirable, sufi.

 

[PacificBlue]

 

[LordOfDarkness]

well said, brother.

 

[bluemuse]

I am close in age to you...and I have recently gone through my own version of your self realization. It's a wonderful feeling isn't it? Like the fog has lifted...

 

[sufisaint]

There is a lot of confusion out there...we have so few role models anymore...the media has destroyed them.... and in our real lives corporate america only wants good workers not good people... I worry but yes it feels so good...

 

[intrigued]

You just gave me the best mental orgasm ever...

 

[bully]

this thread reminds me of something. that something is different for everyone, i suppose. you have defined, in your own words, what "being" really is. speaking for myself, i think you pinpointed a long overlooked answer to a question that i, and perhaps many of us, have. that question should not be, "why are we here?", but rather, "well, we're here; what do we do now?".

you have heart, sir. i sincerely hope that i will have the courage to someday live a life as honestly as you do.

thanks for the thought

 

[Guest]

Sufisaint,

You da man!

 

[truegentleman]

It's all about being the best that you can be, whether male or female. Far too often people try to be perfect, they strive for something, that while it is admirable, it is unrealistic.

My goal is to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with who I see. I might have made a mistake or two along the way, but I learn from them and keep going.

 

[littlekateyes]

 

[Suzi]

*smiles warmly*

After so many years of trying to fit into others expectations of me...trying to be a good athlete, good student, good son, cool dude, wild partier, good lover, successful business person, good husband, good provider, good father..the list goes on..I have finally realized that what really matters is just being a good man. i have truth, love and courage tattoed on my wrist to remind me...but lately its really starting to work for me internally...the external things are just begining to come into line on my terms. It'd finally good to be a man...

Thanks for listening..

You are welcome!

...and I think you are one helluva man Sufi! Just one of the many reasons I still want you as a friend!

 

[Lancecastor]

Unfornately our culture does not reward these characteristics...we seem to be obbssesed with money, things and appearance.

A very strong monologue, sufisaint, well & nicely put.

If I were to modify what you've said in terms of how your statement of values works for me, it would be in relation to your quote isolated above.

Yes, Western culture is predisposed to money, things and appearance.

But I would suggest that those things are not necessary to be a Man in terms of your value statement.

I'd suggest in fact that they are red herrings....sure, they are things people use to measure superficial "success", but that doesn't make them valid as the true measure of a man...or that of a good person.

I know many good people who have and don't have those three things in abundance.

My father always said that "The true measure of happiness is not how much money you have, but in the number of people in your life you know are your true friends."

From that perspective, my guess is that you are quite likely a very fine man indeed and a very rich one at that....for someone who can so readily and freely express himself in the way you have must surely count his friends as legion.

Thanks for your solid post.

Lance

 

[weed]

What you said brings home to me how important it is to be true to oneself....man or woman.

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

Yes, Western culture is predisposed to money, things and appearance.

But I would suggest that those things are not necessary to be a Man in terms of your value statement.

I'd suggest in fact that they are red herrings....sure, they are things people use to measure superficial "success", but that doesn't make them valid as the true measure of a man...or that of a good person.

I know many good people who have and don't have those three things in abundance.

My father always said that "The true measure of happiness is not how much money you have, but in the number of people in your life you know are your true friends."

From that perspective, my guess is that you are quite likely a very fine man indeed and a very rich one at that....for someone who can so readily and freely express himself in the way you have must surely count his friends as legion.

Thanks for your solid post.

Lance

Very eloquently said!!

 

[PacificBlue]

It's all about being the best that you can be, whether male or female. Far too often people try to be perfect, they strive for something, that while it is admirable, it is unrealistic.

My goal is to be able to look at myself in the mirror and be happy with who I see. I might have made a mistake or two along the way, but I learn from them and keep going.

I like who you are and who you continue to become.