Beginnings?

[Your Lady X]

I have no experience with anything bdsm, but the lifestyle is more than intruiging to me. I find myself aching to dip my toe into it, and test the waters.

But I am curious about others. When did you first realize that such things interested you? How did you proclaim what you had discovered? Did someone assist you in? Did you bumble?

 

[Your Lady X]

I just wanted to add, for lack of a better place to add it, and a desire to simply speak...

There is something almost spiritual to me about the idea of being posessed, instructed, demeaned and loved. Is that unusual? To mix the idea of sex and discovery and adoration and to elevate it to that level?

 

[landiek]

I was very curious and some one here in Lit gave me a list of different things that might be asked of a possible submissive. I read it several times and answered the questioneer.

I learned a lot about myself and how kinky I truly am.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Welcome to the Community. It's nice to see you jumping right in and posting. Have you read our sticky, it has a couple of great essays on things like online predators and SSC, as well as the usual rules and regs of the place. We also have a wonderful Library here at the BDSM Board. It's full of threads on all sorts of BDSM topics, split into various categories, check it out sometimes. If you have any questions, please feel free to PM me, I'd be happy to help.

Again, Welcome.

~anelize, BDSM Librarian

 

[Guest]

A favor

I was very curious and some one here in Lit gave me a list of different things that might be asked of a possible submissive. I read it several times and answered the questioneer.

I learned a lot about myself and how kinky I truly am.

Could you by any chance be talked into posting that list.....

I know of several people that would love to read it .. and might derive benefit from it.

Including this thread CTTOI.

 

[landiek]

ummmm I suppose so but it may take like seven pages to put it all on the site with permission of Lit, of course.

 

[Bachlum Chaam]

Muddled my way through my lady and welcome to Lit

Hello Landi good to see you

 

[landiek]

Hello My Lord...
Glad to see you too.

 

[Prof Bill]

The most difficult command given a new submissive is to be patient, but that's the one I give

D/s and BDSM are tremendously exciting, marvelously sensual, and decidedly pleaurable. And, as you said, they're also spiritual--being so concerned about another (whether that's a Dom for his/her sub, or a sub for his/her Dom) leads to deeply spiritual experiences, at least in my experience.

And all that is very enticing and, if you're at all like me, you'll just want to jump in and start doing stuff.

But don't.

First, visit sites and read everything you can.

Second, go on line and try to find a group in your area. Most groups have munches which are open and public and designed to introduce you to others in the scene, let you know what these people are like (you'll find that we're much like other people with just a few "twists" that make us different), and to give you some folks you can ask questions of. I've yet to see a group in which it would be impossible to find an experienced mentor.

Third, be safe. Read about safety and practice it. Each year it seems one or two people die at the hands of scumbags because they don't listen to advice about safety. Make sure people know where you're going and who you're going to meet. Have firm ID from the person you're going to meet. Let the person you're meeting know you have backup if anything happens to you.

Fourth, be patient. (Or have I said that?) There is nothing that's out there that won't be there when you're ready for it. BDSM is so intense, so sensual, that you have to get into it gradually, I think. Perhaps you can go to a play party and just observe. Perhaps a mentor can arrange for you to feel some of the sensations gently at first. Because you're new, you don't know what you like and don't like, so take your time to find out at least some of the basic things. I don't think any sub likes everything that can be done, nor do I think every Dom likes to do everything that's possible. I suppose another way to say this is to say that you've got to learn your early limits.

Fifth, keep an open mind and don't judge people. There are folks who are friends of mine who do things that I really don't like. But, as long as they don't inflict those things on me, it doesn't really matter, does it? Hell, they may not like some of the things I don't like. Doesn't matter, does it.

Sixth, remember that you have a responsibility for your own well-being. Don't be afraid to let your Dom know when you're reaching physical limits, don't be afraid to use a safeword, don't ever compare what you can tolerate and enjoy with what some other sub can tolerate and enjoy.

Seventh, and finally, enjoy it. If it ain't fun, why would we want to do it?

Good luck and let us know how it's going for you.

Bill

 

[landiek]

thanks Prof Bill

 

[dr_mabeuse]

But I am curious about others. When did you first realize that such things interested you? How did you proclaim what you had discovered? Did someone assist you in? Did you bumble?

I'd always been into erotic restraint. Even as a kid, before I knew what sex was, images of bound women just got me excited. I'd already been sexually active for a number of years before I ever even heard of BDSM, and even then I thought that didn't apply to me. After all, I just fantasized about sex with bound women. The rest of it seemed kind of sick to me.

What happened to me was that I heard from a woman who'd read some of my stories here and asked if I'd like to engage in a D/s sexual role-playing game on Lit. I told her that I wasn't really into that, and she, bless her, disagreed. *L* So we played the game, and she was right. It turned out I was into it. It was terrifically exciting to play with her, even if it was only in the imagination.

Some time after that I got a chance to play with someone for real, and that was all it took. It was just the most intimate and satisfying sexual experience I've ever had, like making love with your whole body and soul, not just your gonads. Once that happened, I didn't worry any more if I was "really" into BDSM or not. I stopped thinking about it in those terms.

The most important thing for you, if you want to explore BDSM, is to find someone to explore it with: someone you trust and (hopefully) love and whose sexual proclivities complement yours. That means that you want to find someone who wants to do to you just what it is you want to have done. In other words, it's a real push-pull thing. A good Dom will bring out your sub tendencies and your sub tendencies will reinforce his Dom tendencies, and when it works it's pretty incredible; miraculous even.

Anyhow, that's how it worked out for me. I now find myself doing things I never thought I would want to do, and feeling things I'd never thought I'd feel. And so far, no end in sight.

You've got an incredible journey waiting for you. I wish you all the best.

---dr.M.

 

[Your Lady X]

I just want to thank those of you who have replied so far... it is wonderful to read your accounts, and different personal experiences. Thank you to those of you who have sent me links to websites with information- I am slowly going over these, and very appreciative.

Thank you so much. It is so wonderful to feel such support and guidance.

 

[ethereal~minx]

I have no experience with anything bdsm, but the lifestyle is more than intruiging to me. I find myself aching to dip my toe into it, and test the waters.

But I am curious about others. When did you first realize that such things interested you? How did you proclaim what you had discovered? Did someone assist you in? Did you bumble?

just what i was searching for
When did i first realize?
chatting on lit~~~ the lounge had a few Master~ly names in it... the profiles intriguing..stepping into the BDSM room & it was a whole new world that seemed like home.. Gods & Goddesses~ Kings & Queens~ slaves & submissives, servants & pets..it was heaven to me~~ everyone knew their place and everyone was respected and cherished

at the time i was bewildered, didn't know how to behave in such a place as i didn't know how to behave 'properly' ...what if i say the wrong thing~~ i certainly didn't want to give the wrong impression but i did know i was getting into something i sooo wanted more of!!!! bumble? only online~ by unintentionally pissing people off but in rl~ i've never had rl bdsm/ds experience per se.

i read and read and read on the advice of a few kind online Masters that spoke to me on occasion and one day i blindly pm'd a pensive Dom ~only interested in more info...

turned out to be a life-changing experience!!! He reluctantly and for only a very very very brief period of time accepted me as His but in that time gained my complete trust~~~ the relationship was the most powerful relationship i've ever been in, in that i've grown more from that relationship than any other i'd been in up to that point and i still see where i'm learning from it.. building on the (the new paradigm) foundation He helped me to build

Yes, much of what i've learned from that relationship is written in the thread i post in all the time~ unsent messages to Him/Her..

there have been times when i feel/felt like i've done it all on my own~~ and maybe it's true, but i remember the trust i had~ the faith in Him...and His words... and through all the pain, i AM stronger, i am better, i am rebuilt ~~ i'm sure it sounds strange but it truly is spiritual...and oh let me stop....

hope this helps in some way

edited to add~ i'm not rebuilt! i'm still rebuild~ing the whole/complete/pure/divine me

 

[Bandit58]

As a child I too had strange (I thought) fantasies.....but of being tied up, blindfolded, as I got older sexual feeling always accompanied those images.

I'm not into pain (ok probably famous last words but who knows ) but being restrained has always been in my thoughts somewhere. Having all control taken away, being made to submit to a strong will......is an incredible turn on to me. When did I realise? Not sure.....probably when I left my husband 18 months ago and knew that at last I have the freedom to explore everything that I'd pushed down and hidden for so long.

I have no r/l experience yet but that is due to change soon when I meet someone next month. Safety procedures have been put in place and I have had references from other people that show he is trustworthy. We have discussed limits and safewords and he's told me to use them often until I really find my way. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time......

 

[Ms_Kat]

My earliest fantasies always centered around being the object of a man's unending desire. Like Guinivere, I fantasized that I had a knight who would risk his life to be with me. Like Joan of Arc, I fantasized that men would tremble at my words and rush to obey. Like Cleopatra and Helen of Troy, I dreamed that great generals fell in love with my beauty and set the world ablaze for the glory of sitting at my side. (Can you tell I love heroic fantasy?)

I never really understood that I had a desire to control someone sexually until I had been married for a few years. Things were bad between us and I snapped and demanded things go my way. I was really ready to walk away at that point. What happened is that I discovered that my husband had a deep secret need for a strong woman to rule his life. I had no idea what BDSM was at the time. I had never even heard of the words/letters. It never occurred to me that other women might feel this way. I never went for a book or a video or a gathering until much later, when I was already secure in what our relationship was really meant to be. In other words, I muddled through horribly. I made horrible mistakes. Sometimes both of us were in tears and wondering what sick, twisted people we were to want and need this lifestyle so badly. Luckily, we both knew that you can't un-ring a bell, and a bell is made to be rung. We also were committed to each other and to our marriage. We found ways to make things work. We spent a lot more time talking about what we wanted emotionally, physically, and sexually than I think my whole family had for several generations.

I am also somewhat cautious by nature, and I advise anyone coming to this lifestyle to be as well. You can always end a session early, leaving one less stroke of the whip, and come back and finish later if things are truly going the way you both desire. However, jumping with both feet into a danger-zone and running like a fool through it can bring things to a screeching halt for an extended period.

Hope that helps.


Hugs,


Kat