Beginning BDSM

[BackwoodsMama]

I’m interested in how individuals got started with BDSM and their partners. I know BDSM covers a lot of territory. All origin stories welcome.

what toys or props did you begin with? How was it to experiment with new things? I am here to learn.

 

[JessGabriel]

I'd been reading BDSM stories for years. I was pretty damn sure I was submissive. Back in 2011, I found lit and started writing and editing. I connected really closely with one of the authors I edited for. It turned out he was both fairly local and a Dom. Our connection strengthened and my wonderful husband agreed for us to explore polyamory.

Master really loved some impact play using both his body and different implements. I discovered how soothing I find cock worship. I found peace in just kneeling for him. It was a beautiful, intimate connection.

We ended the relationship when I had to move for a job, but he's still my best friend. I still call him Master and he still calls me pet. We know and understand each other in a way others don't understand. And I still find peace in turning to him when I'm feeling particularly submissive and just need him to tell me it's okay.

 

[Tayloroc]

That is so sweet! And he is a lucky man

 

[BackwoodsMama]

I'd been reading BDSM stories for years. I was pretty damn sure I was submissive. Back in 2011, I found lit and started writing and editing. I connected really closely with one of the authors I edited for. It turned out he was both fairly local and a Dom. Our connection strengthened and my wonderful husband agreed for us to explore polyamory.

Master really loved some impact play using both his body and different implements. I discovered how soothing I find cock worship. I found peace in just kneeling for him. It was a beautiful, intimate connection.

We ended the relationship when I had to move for a job, but he's still my best friend. I still call him Master and he still calls me pet. We know and understand each other in a way others don't understand. And I still find peace in turning to him when I'm feeling particularly submissive and just need him to tell me it's okay.

Thanks so much for sharing. What a fun way to meet and connect with someone. I love that your relationship has continued even though you’re no longer in the same place.

 

[funguy4u100]

My first real foray into BDSM just happened. I met the right girl who was open to experimenting and we quickly clicked. She was the first to call me Daddy and still does. Nothing was off limits and we did have safe words just in case. Over time we progressed from the mild to not so but I always respected her boundaries. I guess that's why we are still connected after 8 years of playing together and even our words excite each other.

 

[TalkToMeInSB]

Apparently she didn't realize she had it in her, but it all started with her say "hair" as she bent over my cock and started sucking. I would gather up her hair and hold is as she worshipped my cock... I gradually started "directing" her head by forcing it down onto my cock. Just a little at first but when she later said she enjoyed it, I forced a little more! My cock is a bit long so when it gets super hard I'm sure to be careful not to trigger her gag reflex. But she likes to start when I'm soft which is when I eventually got to forcing her mouth completely down with her nose in my pubes. She admitted to being very turned on by that.
Then recently, while she was on her back, I moved up and fed her my cock... While sucking she moved her hands above her head. I (correctly!) interpreted that as an act of submission and I promptly grabbed her hands and held them there while I thrust into her face.
Later she shared that was the first time she'd let any man do anything like that to her. (And she has been fucked by many men!) I asked why, and she said she felt super safe with me. She'd did not realize she had that submissive side to her, but that she is very much enjoying it. I'm not sure how far this will go, but we're both enjoying the journey!

 

[Wonderer67]

I met my first domme in college after I got out of the army. She explored many things with me. We are still friends to this day. She was quite a lady and helped me thru a lot of shit.

Fast forward to around 2010, I was in a sexless marriage, looking at porn a lot, reading stories here on lit and became reacquainted to being a submissive male.

My ex and I divorced, I met my wife shortly thereafter, and she was very open and accepting of my sexual needs.
I was able to tell her everything, and altho she is not naturally a dominant woman, she was open minded.

One of the first thing she bought, was a strapon, because I was able to tell her about my fantasy of it. The very first time she fucked me with it, cum came out of my cock.

We watched some porn I like and femdom vids. Then one day (I’ll never forget where we were) I asked her to own me.

It was a tough discussion, but turned out well. We bought a a chastity device and we built from that.

We role-played the number of things, she got more comfortable with them, and now she is an excellent loving domme whose techniques and methods who improve with each passing day.

 

[base10]

I’m interested in how individuals got started with BDSM and their partners. I know BDSM covers a lot of territory. All origin stories welcome.

what toys or props did you begin with? How was it to experiment with new things? I am here to learn.

The internet was the first window open into the world for me. Porn, erotica, research. Then migrating to the boards here and finding like minded people to chat with. That led to play online with friends I met here. I had a lot of experience online before I ever did a thing in real life.

Then through regular discussions about sex with partners, I've learned to tip toe into discussions about kinky topics (may not be relevant here talking about a spouse).

When partners open that door to exploring or are already into kinky stuff, that's how I've been able to move things into real life.

 

[CuriousRick]

I really discovered bdsm here on lit. Always had the fantasy’s etc but never really had a name for it until I started reading.

 

[gtnlynn]

We started with bondage, using my old silk neckties. I would tie her spreadeagle on the bed and use vibrators and dildos on her or do whatever I wanted to her.

 

[Luv2bnaked4u]

I have always been interested in bondage and submission since high school? But kept my feelings suppressed
When I was married my husband and I went to the local adult video store which also had a toy section.
We bought nipple clamps, handcuffs, blindfold, rope …
Got home, anxious to try them out but my husband was just not into it
Tried a few times after that and still nothing. There was no sexual tension, no excitement. He just didn’t have that Dom gene.
So it sits in a box in the back of the closet It I still have that desire
A

 

[CuriousRick]

I have always been interested in bondage and submission since high school? But kept my feelings suppressed
When I was married my husband and I went to the local adult video store which also had a toy section.
We bought nipple clamps, handcuffs, blindfold, rope …
Got home, anxious to try them out but my husband was just not into it
Tried a few times after that and still nothing. There was no sexual tension, no excitement. He just didn’t have that Dom gene.
So it sits in a box in the back of the closet It I still have that desire
A

Sorry you haven’t had the experiences you desire

 

[Dreamliner]

I have always been interested in bondage and submission since high school? But kept my feelings suppressed
When I was married my husband and I went to the local adult video store which also had a toy section.
We bought nipple clamps, handcuffs, blindfold, rope …
Got home, anxious to try them out but my husband was just not into it
Tried a few times after that and still nothing. There was no sexual tension, no excitement. He just didn’t have that Dom gene.
So it sits in a box in the back of the closet It I still have that desire
A

Never say never L2b4u.

 

[SirAeghann]

For me, I discovered BDSM through the art world and was immediately drawn to it. I've had a few partners over the years express interest and try different things.

I still remember my first time, obsessively researching how to safely play with a pair of metal handcuffs and working with my partner on what turned them on, vs what turned me on. It took some time for it to "come online" and be arousing, but once we got playing I knew I was hooked for life.

 

[Dom70]

I have always been interested in bondage and submission since high school? But kept my feelings suppressed
When I was married my husband and I went to the local adult video store which also had a toy section.
We bought nipple clamps, handcuffs, blindfold, rope …
Got home, anxious to try them out but my husband was just not into it
Tried a few times after that and still nothing. There was no sexual tension, no excitement. He just didn’t have that Dom gene.
So it sits in a box in the back of the closet It I still have that desire
A

Come visit and bring that box along! lol

 

[barefootgirl69]

I started out with bondage and, eventually, met someone who taught me about dominance and submission. It's that feeling of knowing you finally feel "at home".

 

[IrisAlthea]

It wasn’t something that I learned about and then started doing.
It was having sex and then later finding people writing about BDSM online and recognizing some of it as things I liked and did and seeing others who related to sex as I did.
Before that I had heard about S&M and bondage but while I had gotten a ”Oh, you’re a wild one!” or ”You like it a bit rough, huh?”, I certainly couldn’t relate to old people having societys or those fetish magazines.

I still can’t relate to a lot, perhaps most of what goes under the BDSM umbrella, but I found ideas, concepts, tips about safety, a vocabulary, people to talk to and that felt good as I had learned that talking to friends about how I felt around some things concerning sex and relationships, often got me funnier looks than I was comfortable with.

TL;DR: It developed organically before the acronym was used in my age group, in my neck of the woods.