Begging for it (feedback, that is)

[SaltyGoodness]

I would really love some feedback on the first three chapters of my story "His Lordship's Bedroom." I'm trying to decide where to go next, so feedback and suggestions would be appreciated.
The story revolves around a young maid who is forced to service her master in many different ways.
The chapters can be found at...
Ch1 - http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=83553
Ch2 - http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=84233
Ch3 - http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=86553
Thanks,
Salty

 

[SaltyGoodness]

Before I forget

Before I forget, the story is in nonconsent and my author name is SaltyGoodness.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I see that you're not getting many responses to your request for feedback, and I think I can tell you why. There's nothing wrong with your stories, so no one's going to criticize them, but there's nothing strikingly good about them either, so you're probably not going to get much praise.

I notice this more and more: stories that are neither bad nor really good, just average, and therefore very difficult to critique. It's always easy to point out flaws in a bad story, but it's hard to tell an author what they have to do to make a story really good.

In your case--and I should mention at this point that I read only the first 2 stories or chapters--your writing is fine; you have all the mechanics down (There are a few wrong words--'my' for 'me' or somesuch--but nothing worth quibbling about), you have dialogue, you don't have the usual beginner errors, but there's nothing really there to make these stories sizzle.

I think what you've done is write out some fantasies that you find arousing, and you've done a good job of that, but that's not enough. There must be hundreds of stories involvingthe same fantasy on Literotica. The question you've got to answer is why should we read yours rather than any of the others. What do you bring to the story that's different, or new, or amusing, or entertaining? If there's reallky nothing you can point to, than there's no reason to read yours over any other.

This is not by way of criticism of what you've written, which, as I say, is fine as far as it goes. It's just that it doesn't go far enough.

A writer's got a bunch of tools they use that make them different from people just describing their favorite fantasy to us: an imagination that comes up with things we may have never thought of, plot twists, characters, whatever. Powers of observation that let him show us things we've never noticed before in a scene. Powers of description that let him portray old cliches in a way that makes them seem fresh and new. Psychological insight that gives us new understanding into human beings and the sexual experienece. There are others too, but you see what I'm getting at.

For me personally, it's concrete sensual imagery that gives a scene richness and interest. I like to see how her hands twist when her wrists are bound, see the expression on her face as she realizes what's going to happen, see his hand print on her ass, things like that. Your stories are kind of weak in that area.

I have to point out something else I've noticed in sub stories written by women: they're very "external". In other words, they tell us what happens, but they rarely if ever mention what the woman is thinking and feeling while these horrible things are going on. Is she excited? Frightened? Turned on? Angered? Aside from a mention of being humiliated and of being numb--and a lot of pain in the second story; the word begins to stick out from overuse after a while--she seems fairly oblivious to what's happening to her. I think this happens because subs just aren't that interested in examining their feelings in these s, which is too bad, because the psychology is always the most erotic part for me.

Anyhow, that's my opinion, Salty. You're a good writer. You just need to push it farther.

Regards,

---dr.M.

 

[SaltyGoodness]

Hrmm

I think I would have almost preferred negative feedback. I can see your point, and I thank you for your information.
I'm just writing to please myself, and if other people would like to read it, that's great. If not, that's their business. I just enjoy putting it out there.
I doubt anyone's going to read this, but does anybody know why Literotica keeps changing my chapter descriptions? They're not long or particularly obscene or anything, and give more specific detail about the story than the descriptions I am assigned when my stories are posted. I would thinking letting the author choose the description would give the audience a better idea if they wanted ot read the story or not.

 

[SaltyGoodness]

On a side note

On a side note, I did actually receive a good amount of feedback due to this post, but they were sent to me personally, not to the message board...which would have been my preferred way to be told someone thought my story was mediocre, but feedback is feedback, right?