Becoming Dom

[muskokan]

So I haven't done a ton of research on BDSM I've read different peoples accounts of their encounters and their ideas of how it works in there lives but I'm looking for opinions on what I can do with mine.

My husband is a total Sub, I could go either way, I enjoy being dominant in certain situations but have a side of me that yearns to be dominated. I get confused by my husband because he wants me to control everything, he wants to make sure that everything he does is what I want him to do, that it is right (by me) and such, and before me he was the same way with him mother, I'm not talking sexually right now of course, but even in bed he's more sub. Now I can handle being dom but if I "take control" he rebels "i don't need your approval" blah blah blah, until 5 minutes later "is this okay?" "what do you want" we even have "slave" and "mistress" collars that he bought us, which i must assume was some kind of sign.

the reason i'm confused is that because he isn't letting me take control at some points i want to be dominated by him, so far mostly in the bedroom but other times as well, because i can do whatever i want and he doesn't say anything, and sometimes i just want him to tell me i'm wrong because i know I am.

I want to bring up starting a serious dom/sub relationship, even if it's just a couple days a week or something so maybe that will give him his fix of being sub, is there any tips on where we could start, what we could start with in a lifestyle manner not just a sexual manner

 

[FurryFury]

Maybe you can start with having days in which you take total control and vice versa? The weekend might be a good time to start.

Or:

You could start smaller with just a few hours?

Of course a BDSM interest inventory and a discussion of hard and soft limits, with safe words would help everyone.

Oh and a ceremony for talking might help get the ball rolling. You know one of those in which you have to hold the talking stick and be able to say what the other person said back to them?

Just some ideas. Good luck!

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

id recommend starting with a BDSM checklist. if nothing else, it will give you some ideas of what he likes and what to investigate. in my experience they can be very helpful. you can google "bdsm checklist", or i believe they have one in the library.

 

[muskokan]

I looked up the checklist but that is REALLY NOT what I'm talking about here, nothing sexual will be happening during the time when we are D/s it's not for sexual purposes and I don't plan to take it beyond what would normally happen day to day for us right now, except with the roles in mind.

I've written my husband a note explaining basically what I want because he always cuts me off thinking i'm joking when i talk to him in person and i'm seeing where it goes from here

 

[catalina_francisco]

I looked up the checklist but that is REALLY NOT what I'm talking about here, nothing sexual will be happening during the time when we are D/s it's not for sexual purposes and I don't plan to take it beyond what would normally happen day to day for us right now, except with the roles in mind.

I've written my husband a note explaining basically what I want because he always cuts me off thinking i'm joking when i talk to him in person and i'm seeing where it goes from here

I'm confused as you say you want to start in the bedroom in your first post but now say you don't want anything sexual involved. Add to that, most checklists don't deal exclusively with sexual acts but also include lots which are more in line with humiliation, painplay, D/s. I think it sounds like you both need to do some serious talking about which direction you want to take as you both seem to be exhibiting mixed signals.

Catalina

 

[muskokan]

I'm confused as you say you want to start in the bedroom in your first post but now say you don't want anything sexual involved. Add to that, most checklists don't deal exclusively with sexual acts but also include lots which are more in line with humiliation, painplay, D/s. I think it sounds like you both need to do some serious talking about which direction you want to take as you both seem to be exhibiting mixed signals.

Catalina

I think you must have misread what I wrote. I do have a very bad way of getting my thoughts out that can be very confusing.

I feel the need to be dominated in the bedroom.. period, that is the extent of my wants of him being dominant, but he's not, EVER and when he tries to be it fails miserably.. end of sexual context.

He has a very submissive nature always asking for approval and okaying things with me and such. I'd just like to take it a step further and he would as well but he's not sure how to loosen up about it.