Scothighlander
Virgin
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2007
- Posts
- 8
Okay, this has been inside my head for a while, been wondering how to get it to a decent sort of story, and to be perfectly honest, although i can describe things pretty well ( i think anyway) my stories always kind of suck. so please, any help appreciated!
< * Alyssa opened her eyes. Darkness. Everywhere. she could hear little, if anything. mainly what sounded like sand, or dirt, or something, falling onto the floor from a height. and a voice...or was it two? in the distance.
"......Lyssa.......you alrigh......we.....to get you...." came a voice, a high pitched one, a womans voice. Tanya!
Suddenly she remembered everything. the cave exploring, for a dare, with tanya, Louise, and....Hunter.
her body froze for a moment as her eyesight gradually began to make some sort of sense of her surroundings. A body lay on the floor a few metres away from her. a small trickle of water was pitter pattering against a stone a bit further away. Was that Hunter, on the floor?
Alyssa tried to make sense of what had happened.
the last time she remembered... laughing. the girls were laughing together. it was dark, but Hunter had a light.
"scared, Tanya?" he asked, mockingly, a grin on his face.
"buzz off, Hunter" she replied with a giggle and slapped his arm, not hard enough to hurt, but it must've stung a bit, as he flinched, ever so slight, but laughed.
Then panic. the whole earth seemed to shift. the floor dissapeared. the darkness swam over Alyssa, she heard a scream, and then nothing. her whole world seemed to stop.
So, how long have i been out, Alyssa thought to herself, as she tried to get to her feet. shakily, she arose, a pain in her leg begging her to lay back down, and she moved slowly over to the body.
"...H...hunter...?" she whispered, as if the darkness would kill her if it heard her speak.
Hunter groaned, slowly began to roll over. his face was cut from broken glass, and the torch, the lens broken, and the bulb partially in Hunters face, gone, lay beside him.
"Are you alright?" she asked, kneeling beside him. he had a backpack on, which he was struggling to lay ontop of, so she helped him out of it, and moved it to one side.
He coughed " yea...im good...but my leg is killing me...where are we?" he asked, looking around, but it was obvious he could see nothing.
"i dont know, we fell down a hole, floor must've fell in. great idea, Hunter, going down this cave!" she said, half jokingly, but he could tell she was terrified, and he sat up.
"Where are the others?" he asked.
"Above us, i think, im sure i heard them call, but i couldnt hear what they said." Alyssa stood up, walked around a little, trying to work out the cramp in her leg.
"you okay there, Lyss?" Hunter asked. She nodded , but eh could see otherwise. "Maybe we should just stay put until help arrives" he suggested.
If, help arrived, she thought to herself, and sat down beside him. If. *>
what do you think for an opening to a story?
I think you can guess what happens. but im not sure what i prefer more. getting together, or non consent, ie, he forces her into it..possibly for food, or for help getting out, or something?
any thoughts? criticism welcome!
PS, i havent put any descriptions of like body's yet, mainly because its pitch black sort of thing..and i was thinking of doing it later, when the wicked thoughts start to enter!!!
< * Alyssa opened her eyes. Darkness. Everywhere. she could hear little, if anything. mainly what sounded like sand, or dirt, or something, falling onto the floor from a height. and a voice...or was it two? in the distance.
"......Lyssa.......you alrigh......we.....to get you...." came a voice, a high pitched one, a womans voice. Tanya!
Suddenly she remembered everything. the cave exploring, for a dare, with tanya, Louise, and....Hunter.
her body froze for a moment as her eyesight gradually began to make some sort of sense of her surroundings. A body lay on the floor a few metres away from her. a small trickle of water was pitter pattering against a stone a bit further away. Was that Hunter, on the floor?
Alyssa tried to make sense of what had happened.
the last time she remembered... laughing. the girls were laughing together. it was dark, but Hunter had a light.
"scared, Tanya?" he asked, mockingly, a grin on his face.
"buzz off, Hunter" she replied with a giggle and slapped his arm, not hard enough to hurt, but it must've stung a bit, as he flinched, ever so slight, but laughed.
Then panic. the whole earth seemed to shift. the floor dissapeared. the darkness swam over Alyssa, she heard a scream, and then nothing. her whole world seemed to stop.
So, how long have i been out, Alyssa thought to herself, as she tried to get to her feet. shakily, she arose, a pain in her leg begging her to lay back down, and she moved slowly over to the body.
"...H...hunter...?" she whispered, as if the darkness would kill her if it heard her speak.
Hunter groaned, slowly began to roll over. his face was cut from broken glass, and the torch, the lens broken, and the bulb partially in Hunters face, gone, lay beside him.
"Are you alright?" she asked, kneeling beside him. he had a backpack on, which he was struggling to lay ontop of, so she helped him out of it, and moved it to one side.
He coughed " yea...im good...but my leg is killing me...where are we?" he asked, looking around, but it was obvious he could see nothing.
"i dont know, we fell down a hole, floor must've fell in. great idea, Hunter, going down this cave!" she said, half jokingly, but he could tell she was terrified, and he sat up.
"Where are the others?" he asked.
"Above us, i think, im sure i heard them call, but i couldnt hear what they said." Alyssa stood up, walked around a little, trying to work out the cramp in her leg.
"you okay there, Lyss?" Hunter asked. She nodded , but eh could see otherwise. "Maybe we should just stay put until help arrives" he suggested.
If, help arrived, she thought to herself, and sat down beside him. If. *>
what do you think for an opening to a story?
I think you can guess what happens. but im not sure what i prefer more. getting together, or non consent, ie, he forces her into it..possibly for food, or for help getting out, or something?
any thoughts? criticism welcome!
PS, i havent put any descriptions of like body's yet, mainly because its pitch black sort of thing..and i was thinking of doing it later, when the wicked thoughts start to enter!!!
