be gentle it's my first time...lol

[Unplugged]

Hello all... long time lurker, 1st time poster here. Thought I'd throw out on of my stories to be raked over the coals.
"Antiques Made While You Wait" An attempt at a O'Henry twist at the end. Let me know what you think. Thanks...
unplugged

 

[Axeltheswede]

First time

Here's your link:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=1268

What can I say after sweet, cute, short, and light.

As an erotic story, it was an hors d'oeuvre. To get to appetizer status you could have expanded your one major oral sex encounter. To make it an entre, your lovers would have had to stop somewhere along the way after the antique store for some furious outdoor sex.

I was jarred a bit by some lapses in proof reading. Judy probably hopped into the car rather than hoped. And, I doubt whether "her legs fell apart". They probably opened or spread or parted. If they indeed fell apart, he should have redirected his MG to the nearest Emergency Room.

 

[sexual improv]

I like the story. I think you need to look at what the story is about and write that. At first I thought MG sex -- fucking painful, then we have the country girl that runs the place, I'm thinking - three way on the four poster bed, yippe! Then we move into the store. You might try starting the story with them already in the store, or make this just a chapter in a longer story about a drive into the Maine countryside. Or go ahead and do all three and invite the proprietess ino the action and fuck her in the ass for me.

 

[damppanties]

Cute. It was lovely and quite a refreshing read. Thanks for referring me to that.

Two typos for you:
"...the foggy eyes of a man you had just climbed to..." s/b ..the foggy eyes of a man WHO had just...

"We rounded a hairpin turn at there, tucked ..." s/b We rounded a hairpin turn AND there...

I'm looking forward to reading more from you

-DP.