BDSM Without Pain

[dr_mabeuse]

I'm wondering whether anyone here is into the BD side of BDSM more than they are into the SM. More exactly, just the B.

My own preferences are that I love bondage. I just think the sight of a bound female is extremely erotic as is the bondage itself, and sex with a restrained woman. But I'm really not interested in the pain and the discipline aspect of it. It doesn't do anything for me. I would much rather make use of her helplessness to explore what she likes and tease her with prolonged foreplay, make her beg and squirm from desire rather than pain.

Is this weird or what?

---dr.M.

 

[WriterDom]

Of course it's not weird. There are subs who aren't into pain.

There is a thin line between pain and pleasure. Those that squirm from pain are squirming from desire.

 

[MissTaken]

When pain is used for eroticism, gently applied and crescendoing with arousal, it is good.

Pain for the sake of feeling pain isn't something I enjoy. When it just plain hurts, I am not into it.

I guess I am on the threshold between what you are asking , Dr. and the use of S and M.

 

[lark sparrow]

The D/s and S/M were what originally drew me, and to be honest the bondage part of it didn't interest me much beyond how it could be used in these aspects.

Then, I had session which included being put in a rope harness, coupled with cuffs and spreader bars above and below. The feel of the ropes as they were wrapped around my skin was incredibly sensual.. the tightness of the ropes around my chest made me aware of simply breathing, and then once trunced up she simply rocked me back and forth by the harness, until I wasn't even really standing on my own anymore, and spoke to me. It sent me to a space unlike one I had been to before, and time evaporated.

After that, my interest was aroused, but erotic pain is still a favorite. And complicated, prolonged bondage in difficult positions still seems it would be a torture I wouldn't want to explore, but my eyes were opened to the sensuality of bondage.

 

[Chicklet]

i'm mostly into the bondage

i love being tied up and such.

on occassion i like the s/m but not all the time...sort of like how i always like showers but every once in a while i need a bath.

Chicklet

 

[Pure]

Dr. M said
It doesn't do anything for me. I would much rather make use of her helplessness to explore what she likes and tease her with prolonged foreplay, make her beg and squirm from desire rather than pain.

As WD said, the line is thin, and some say erotic pain isn't pain, anyway. (It feels good, it doesn't hurt, it's said.) I find there's a strange blending.

But your idea of making her beg has an "S" quality. All sadism doesn't involve pain, in the first place, as in for example, eroticized humiliation, a favorite area I like to explore. Some sadism is exercized through causing fear (in a safe SSC context) and the line between eroticized helplessness and eroticized fear is again slender.

I'm just guessing but maybe you think she'll hate the 'pain'; but if the stimulus is light, she might love it!

I don't see anything weird, but if it's for 'her' sake, it seems you avoid sadism, perhaps, to be Mr. Nice Guy, more than because of lack of any 'sadistic impulse'. Just a wild speculation.... But I sense a wee trace of sadism in there somewhere.... I like it.

 

[abbey_kyle]

personally, it's the bondage part I don't care for. I have no problem being spanked hard enough till tears come or belted until welts swell, but tie my hands and suddenly, it is no longer arousing.

I like having the option to resist and squirm, with the possibility of interfering with my own punishment, making the blows come harder and faster. But not being able to have movement reaches my limits. These are my boundaries and at present, I have no desire to move past them. But never say never, I suppose.

abbey

 

[dr_mabeuse]

BDSM With Pain

Okay, say I was intereting in starting to explore some of the pain/discipline aspects of BDSM. What would you start with? Flogging/whipping? What are some of the most common or "popular" techniques for taking someone to the edge?

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: BDSM With Pain

Okay, say I was intereting in starting to explore some of the pain/discipline aspects of BDSM. What would you start with? Flogging/whipping? What are some of the most common or "popular" techniques for taking someone to the edge?

Easy and minor ones you can try within your love of bondage.

Candlewax.

Clamps (or clothespins).

Orgasm denial.

A crop is much cheaper than a flogger and easy to use for inflicting precise erotic pain, as well as applying teasing strokes.

 

[MissTaken]

Just a random thought...

Dr?

If you have used ice or even a feather duster, the sensations can be similar to those others that combine pain/pleasure.

 

[lark sparrow]

If you have used ice or even a feather duster, the sensations can be similar to those others that combine pain/pleasure.

Good additions!

I thought of those but don't like anything that tickles, and as much as I like hot wax, ice becomes a torture I can bear, but not particularly enjoy lol. Conveniently left out those.

Oh, there's also sensory-deprivation play.

Blindfolds, headphones, etc.

Plus all the wonderful sensations you can cause with your very own hands... pinching, pulling, grabbing, slapping.

 

[Vulpesvulpes]

I would not start my journey into pain with floggers, whips or crops. They are wonderful in experienced hands but scary in the hands of a novice. I always try out a new device by slapping it against my bare hip to get a feel for the intensity and proper amount of force to use.

Start slow and proceed with caution. Begin spanking with hands and if you desire more, you can move on to fly swatters, ping-pong paddles, wooden spoons, hair brushes, etc. If that gets you off, you can move on to more purpose-built implements.

-Vv

 

[mjnelson]

I find bondage to be very erotic and sexy. The sight of a girl with her wrists tied behind her just makes her that much more attractive. I don't necessarily do anything to them--I just like the look.

As far as pain goes, I'm not into that. I don't find any pleasure in that and I've never inflicted pain on anyone. Whenever I do "play" with my girlfriends, I tease and tickle them but I don't do pain.

 

[LisaFunOne1]

hrm...
my first play experiences involved being cuffed and flogged... felt fantastic.. then again i didnt consider the flogging to be painful, maybe its a matter of thresholds...
( well okay, it IS a matter of how high your pain threshold is )
some girls like being nibbled or lightly bitten, if your girl is up for that then go for the light side of the physical paingiving... id also suggest blindfolding as a lead in to anything else... even before handcuffs... then again thats speaking only as a newbie... but for gods sakes, make friends with a experienced sub... id rather have vanilla sex than deal with a fellow newbie with a whip in his hands... good way to get hurt...
then again, if you two are already doing the bondage then i wouldnt worry too much about bringing in cuffs - youre past that. problably the same with blindfolds - natural progression...

 

[cellis]

I call Himself my "senusal sadist". He is more into the sensual aspects of BDSM than He is in inflicting pain... except for that sensual pain that I like so well.

He is a wonder with ropes and often spends a great deal of time binding me... I get highly aroused at the sight of the rope in His hands.

There are many things one can do that do not include heavy pain. Most of them have already been mentioned.

My suggestion is that you complete a BDSM checklist first of all to consider all the posibilities and have your partner do one as well... and then discuss what you like and don't like.

Like everything else in life, play time is negotiated.

 

[Justina123]

Lightly painful, erotic play

I, too, absolutely love the helpless, erotic sensations which just being tied up or restrained by the right man give me, let alone what happens afterwards.

I at one point thought I was only into the b and the dom/sub "mental" aspects. But since meeting B, he has been encouraging me to explore more lightly painful things, and, to my surprise, I have found much of it highly erotic as well. For instance, when he plays with my nipples, even just with hands, during sex and builds up to a hard pinch or twist, I find the orgasm to be at least twice as intense as normal.

The same thing goes for the clit- the right pressure or pinch or even clip or clamp can be extremely erotic while at the same time "painful."

And of course, spankings are highly erotic and can be any level of pain or no-pain- especially if done with just a hand or (my favorite) a leather glove....

And all of these to me are so much enhanced by being bound or restrained so it kind of removes any possibility of movement and I can just float off into sensations....

No big revelations here, but just my two cents.

-justina

 

[WriterDom]

Re: BDSM With Pain

Okay, say I was intereting in starting to explore some of the pain/discipline aspects of BDSM. What would you start with? Flogging/whipping? What are some of the most common or "popular" techniques for taking someone to the edge?

Flogging is one of the best intro in pain. Since, in itself, it’s not that painful, but in a long session, you can sail her into subspace. A good place for her is blindfolded against the wall. Start by just rubbing your hand down her back and bum, whispering to her. Either reassuring her, or more scary things depending on her comfort level. Begin to lightly spank her, just warming the skin.

It’s good to have several floggers of different intensities. An effective warm-up flogger is a string flogger. Work her over with it for a few minutes, then switch to a thuddy leather one. Make sure everything you need is nearby. You don’t want to be running around the house looking for a flogger. I like to pull her hand around her neck and place the previous flogger in her hand just to keep her connected.

With the leather flogger, you don’t want to swing it like it’s a tennis racket, but use a figure 8 motion. With a figure 8 the flogger is always in motion. With a little practice you can be very accurate. I’m not going to try to explain it here, but if you do a yahoo search on- flogging figure eight- you’ll find some good instruction.

You only grip it with two fingers against the ball of the handle. It can wear those fingers out in a hurry. But you can do a "finger roll" without stopping. Moving the flogger between a new set of fingers. Even all the way down to between your pinky finger and your ring finger, then back up.

Just a few pops aren’t going to hurt, but when she’s getting popped every second it has a cumulative effect over time. Since it’s predictable, it’s easier for her to slip away in her mind. If you have a flogger with more bite, you can switch to it. If you are proficient with a singletail, it’s a good whip to end with, but that takes a lot of practice before you’re ready to whip a person.

Be sure to give her a lot of aftercare. She may not even hear your voice right away. Or it might sound like it’s a mile away.

 

[P. B. Walker]

WD, great info. Probably one of the most informative posts about flogging I've seen here yet.

Thanks for the info.

PBW

 

[lovetoread]

And a bit arousing too.

 

[WriterDom]

And a bit arousing too.

arousing is a good thing

 

[lovetoread]

arousing is a good thing

Heh,I just saw this.

And I agree, it is a good thing.

 

[Goddess Helena]

WD, thank you for the wonderful post. LTR is right, it is an arousing post.


Helena

 

[Nytiegirl]

I am def not into pain I just like bondage and a little spanking myself.
Nytie

 

[WriterDom]

I am def not into pain I just like bondage and a little spanking myself.
Nytie

Doesn't the nilla world define spanking as pain? So you are into bondage and a little "good pain?" I think vast majority of us are only into good pain. And that has to be defined by the individual.

 

[JarringJoe]

Flogging

Actually, one of the best flogging sessions we've ever had with other persons was very spur of the moment. We went out to the Hunt Country of Virginia to meet another couple who expressed an interest in swinging, and things went quite well (i. e., the four of us had great same-bed sex from late morning through an hour or so after lunch). Later, during a quiet "tell-all" period, we allowed that we did some B&D and mild S&M from time to time.

The other woman immediately said she had often thought about what it would be like to be spanked with something really off-beat, other than her husband's hand or a clothes brush, which he used on her from time to time. Kitsy checked out their supply of belts and found nothing that rang her bell. So, I suggested that we drive over to Warrenton, to a horse supply house, and see what they might have in the way of leather.

We came back with a strap about five inches wide, soft (we got a length of about six feet to allow for a handle to be attached, a piece of wood nailed on). Just touching the thing in the car got the gal so turned on that she ran her hand up under her dress to frig herself (she claimed she climaxed simply by touching what she knew would soon be hitting her ass and back).

Bottom line is that we showed them how to tie her over a door -- improvisation is always fun, eh?) and then the other three of us took turns giving her licks, first on her ass, then on her upper shoulders, until she was very red indeed. Raw leather really works well. Towards the end, her husband really got into things and gave her some smacks that came close to breaking the skin on her bottom. Then we turned her around -- still bound by hands over her head -- and made her watch while he and I fucked Kitsy -- simply ignoring the bound "slave" for the time being.

Some weeks later we got a photograph in the mail showing her in full slave mode, with a gag and nipples clamps and a lot of other stuff. The horse-strap worked so well that Kitsy had me buy her one the next time we went out into Northern Virginia. She really loves it.