BDSM noob

[SpicyPepper]

What was your first experience in BDSM?
Was it everything you had dreamed/fantasized about since you were young? More? Less?
What are your boundaries? How far will you go to please your Master? Does it scare you?
Have you always known something was "different" about you?
Were you just an unsuspecting vanilla who was approached by a partner to enter the lifestyle?

What are the dynamics of your relationship? How do you know when/where to draw the line? How do you know if there even is a line?
For those of you who aren't 24/7, how often do need/desire the BDSM play?

I've always liked to be restrained, when I was a kid my mom told me I was "sick" because only sicko's like to be tied up and it would lead to "other things". It wasn't until I was sexually active that I understood what she meant.

I have a friend who used to be a Dom, but we never did anything together, which is a shame. I definitely got off on some of his stories though.
My husband doesn't want to "hurt" me, even though I encourage it. We have a paddle and a flogger but he doesn't really seem interested in learning how to use it properly. I use them on him occasionally, but I don't really know how to use them (other than the tips that my Dom friend gave me).
The more I read the threads on this board, the more interested/aroused I am by the subject.

How do you endure dry anal? Are tears part and parcel to the sub experience?

I appreciate anyone who will answer some or all of these questions for me, and if you don't want to post it publicly, please PM me.
I would love to hear about your experiences.

Also,
VelvetDarkness,
I read your post about what you did over the weekend and it was TOTALLY HOT!
At what point did your Master know to pull out your collar and show it to you?
What would have happened if you had been wet? Would there have been a "worse" punishment?

Thanks in advance for answering my noob questions!

(oh yah and what is PYL, TSE (i think this is what it is) Dom?)

 

[Primalex]

What was your first experience in BDSM?
Was it everything you had dreamed/fantasized about since you were young? More? Less?
What are your boundaries? How far will you go to please your Master? Does it scare you?
Have you always known something was "different" about you?
Were you just an unsuspecting vanilla who was approached by a partner to enter the lifestyle?
What are the dynamics of your relationship?
How do you know when/where to draw the line? How do you know if there even is a line?
For those of you who aren't 24/7, how often do need/desire the BDSM play?
How do you endure dry anal?
Are tears part and parcel to the sub experience?

Is this Jeopardy or what?


What do you do for a living?
What is your dream job?
What do you consider your best attributes?
Where do you see yourself in three years time?
How would your best friend describe you?
What makes you happy/sad/angry?
What are you most passionate about?
If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
What book are you reading at the moment?
If you had to be someone else for a day, who would you be and why?
If you could invite anyone, dead or alive, to dinner, who would it be?
If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
If you were to star in a movie, what kind of film would it be and who would be your co-star?

 

[be_ignited]

Is this Jeopardy or what?

In Jeopardy, you'd have to answer in the form of a question.



Be Back with mine, later.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thanks in advance for answering my noob questions!

(oh yah and what is PYL, TSE (i think this is what it is) Dom?)

Most (if not all) of your questions are answered in a multitude of threads here. Start by checking the library. Our Librarian (in multiple incarnations ) has provided some good topic headings that should help you find answers to just about anything.

PYL/pyl = Pick Your Label/pick your label, with the capitalized version being the top, Dominant, Master, Sadist, whatever, and the lower-cased version being the bottom, submissive, slave, masochist, whatever.

If you're referring to TPE, that's Total Power Exchange, a generalized abbreviation for Master/Slave relationships and some others that give all the power to the PYL.

Dom/me refers to a Dominant of either gender (Dom = male, Domme = female). (Domme is often pronounced in the French manner, e.g., rhyming with the French "le homme," though many Americans use the same pronunciation for both Dom and Domme.)

Hope this has helped you in your journey.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Welcome Noob

VelvetDarkness,
I read your post about what you did over the weekend and it was TOTALLY HOT! Thankyou, we thought so too. I'm not usually one to boast but... sometimes it feels good.
At what point did your Master know to pull out your collar and show it to you? When I was bound to the bedframe (which in turn was bolted to the wall) with my back to him and still did not know who he was. I panicked and began to shake violently. he knew I had reached the point where further mindfucking would be harmful and damage the trust we have, so he revealed himself by showing me the collar.
What would have happened if you had been wet? Would there have been a "worse" punishment? I have absolutely no idea. It's one of the things I love about my Master. He is capricious to a fault.

PYL = Pick Your Label e.g. Dom/me, Master, Top, Sadist etc

pyl = pick your label e.g. sub, slave, bottom, masochist etc

It saves tripping over syntax and allows people to generalise in discussions without excluding certain people. It's a handy shorthand and saves hassle.

TPE = Total Power Exchange where a pyl gies up all rights/limits and to all intents and purposes becomes the owned property of a PYL. It can also be called M/s (Master/Mistress - slave) but TPE is a little more inclusive.

Dom is shorthand for dominant and usually denotes that the dom is male. Domme is used for females.

As to your other questions, none of them can really be answered briefly or simply. Like others, I've answered these questions on different threads many times over and to do your list of queries justice would require an essay. It's good that you want to learn more about BDSM but asking so many things at once will deter people from replying. You'll see from other threads that we prefer to take a fairly narrow topic and dissect it, rather than attempt to have very broad conversations on one thread without people becoming frustrated and confused.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

PYL/pyl = Pick Your Label/pick your label, with the capitalized version being the top, Dominant, Master, Sadist, whatever, and the lower-cased version being the bottom, submissive, slave, masochist, whatever.

If you're referring to TPE, that's Total Power Exchange, a generalized abbreviation for Master/Slave relationships and some others that give all the power to the PYL.

Dom/me refers to a Dominant of either gender (Dom = male, Domme = female). (Domme is often pronounced in the French manner, e.g., rhyming with the French "le homme," though many Americans use the same pronunciation for both Dom and Domme.)

Hope this has helped you in your journey.

Damn, you beat me. That's what I get for editing through my posts.

*pouts*

 

[SpicyPepper]

Thank you all for answering some of my questions!
I understand why you can't answer all of them. I'm used to the AH where if I posted like that I'd have more than my fair share of answers to sort through!

 

[licker4450]

The love has left the house here.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you all for answering some of my questions!
I understand why you can't answer all of them. I'm used to the AH where if I posted like that I'd have more than my fair share of answers to sort through!

I think perhaps if as suggested you had asked one or two questions to begin with and then possibly expand by adding others later, you would get more of a response and probably more of a discussion arising from those responses. For the most, the questions you asked are not ones which can be answered in one line....most require a more descriptive or explanatory answer than can not be achieved in a quick post...add several together in one post and you could easily get a whole page per poster...most here don't have the time to devote to that in one post, nor will most find the time to read through so much text from each person, hence you have had brief responses with suggestions to break it up into smaller blocks, and/or read some of the many threads on the topics you asked about where you will get an idea of the experiences, thoughts, and answers you requested from those who post here regularly. There is nothing wrong with your questions, just it requires a lot to answer in a way which begins to fulfil what you say you are wanting to understand more about.

Catalina

 

[SpicyPepper]

Alright, well I guess I really would like to start with:

What was your first experience with kink? (Spanking, flogging, rough play.)


(thank you all for the spank in the right direction especially Catalina)

 

[kinkyknickers]

Welcome Noob


PYL = Pick Your Label e.g. Dom/me, Master, Top, Sadist etc

pyl = pick your label e.g. sub, slave, bottom, masochist etc

It saves tripping over syntax and allows people to generalise in discussions without excluding certain people. It's a handy shorthand and saves hassle.

TPE = Total Power Exchange where a pyl gies up all rights/limits and to all intents and purposes becomes the owned property of a PYL. It can also be called M/s (Master/Mistress - slave) but TPE is a little more inclusive.

Dom is shorthand for dominant and usually denotes that the dom is male. Domme is used for females.

As to your other questions, none of them can really be answered briefly or simply. Like others, I've answered these questions on different threads many times over and to do your list of queries justice would require an essay. It's good that you want to learn more about BDSM but asking so many things at once will deter people from replying. You'll see from other threads that we prefer to take a fairly narrow topic and dissect it, rather than attempt to have very broad conversations on one thread without people becoming frustrated and confused.

Oh cool! M, myself and the_mgp were sitting around trying to figure out what the hell "PYL and pyl meant" . Heh!

 

[VelvetDarkness]

What was your first experience with kink? (Spanking, flogging, rough play.)

Hmm...

As an adult, in a sexual capacity, I learned quite quickly that I preferred things a little rough, I couldn't really put a date on it. Hell, I got excited about getting captured in games of cops and robbers as a 5 year old. It's also true that 99% of guys are over the moon when their gf starts getting passionate and encouraging rougher, more passionate sex so most people wouldn't see that as BDSM necessarily.

I'm not being very helpful am I?

My first spanking as an adult was from my first lover, who was a girl in my school. We became close when I was 15 and she was 16. We remained close even though it transpired that she is 100% gay and I am mostly hetero - I think of bisexuality as being open to relationships with either sex but I know that, while I love sex with women, I need a Master rather than a Mistress long term. She was the first person I ever spoke to about my sub side and it took a while for me to see that it was something I needed as the main dish of my love life rather than a side order. I think the first time she was dominant and spanked me was when I was about 22 or 23 (I'm now 29.)

 

[catalina_francisco]

I also can't put a date to mine. There were vanilla relationships way back decades ago when I dabbled, but my first serious experience which was also my first at any real pain level was about 8 years ago I think. I decided to stop wondering if I really could take what I hungered for and had a session with someone I grew to trust which included spanking, paddling, flogging, caning, which left me black and blue for over a week and extremely happy. I didn't safeword, he insisted on stopping and was even upset at what he had done despite his years of experience and hard play as both a sub himself, and later a Dominant. Once I convinced him I was far from upset or seriously hurt, he was willing to repeat the experience a couple of weeks later.

Catalina

 

[SpicyPepper]

That's incredibly hot...
Why didn't you safe word?

Do you cry when he hurts you like that? Are the tears a turnon?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

What was your first experience with kink? (Spanking, flogging, rough play.)

As I've said in threads elsewhere here, one of my very earliest memories (approximately 3-4 years old) is being caught with the little neighbor girl (same age-ish) over my knee, panties around her ankles, joyfully spanking her little round butt.

Though I continued to enjoy swatting girl butts through the next 10 years or so, the next *conscious* experience was with a girl who deliberately kicked a kickball (during a game) into my groin from about 6 feet away. I managed to turn just far enough to keep it from being debilitating, grabbed her by the arm, threw her over my knee and spanked the hell out of her. That relationship ended up including daily (or more frequent) spankings and everything "but" full-fledged sex; too bad her dad got re-assigned to a different base at the end of the summer.

So for me, it's *always* been kink...

 

[be_ignited]

Alright, well I guess I really would like to start with:

What was your first experience with kink? (Spanking, flogging, rough play.)


(thank you all for the spank in the right direction especially Catalina)

Spanking. The first concrete experience I have (aside from, as someone else mentioned really enjoying playing "cops and robbers", being captured, etc) was when I was about 16. A male friend, as a joke, smacked my as so hard it left a big red hand print and a bruise in the shape of his thumb. I was incredibly proud of it. We dated later and I confessed to him that I really liked being smacked on the ass. He was happy to oblige, but I think it was more because he liked me and wanted me to be happy than any Dom-ly inclinations. It didn't go any further than that.

 

[FurryFury]

What was your first experience in BDSM?

It was an accidental online role play that was non sexual except it got me excited as hell and made me wet. Shocked the shit outta me because I was the one in charge. I've always avoided power anyway I could and yet . . .

Was it everything you had dreamed/fantasized about since you were young? More? Less?

It was nothing I had dreamed of on the surface but the power dynamic did feed into my fantasies which, all this time, I'd thought of as wrong and unnatural.

What are your boundaries?

I have so many. I'm basically a buttoned up, compartmentalized person. Were I ever to be in the right relationship with an actual Dom, most of those boundaries could be let go.

How far will you go to please your Master?

That remains to be seen as I don't have one.

Does it scare you?

Not, at the moment. I think at it's best it could scare me and keep me on edge. I've felt that a few times and it was quite delicious.

Have you always known something was "different" about you?

Of course. I'm me. As a child I always assumed everyone was watching me. It turns out everyone feels that way, right? RIGHT?

Um, well, maybe it was just me.

Yeah, I'm different but I'm also the same in a lot of ways. Humans are funny that way.

Were you just an unsuspecting vanilla who was approached by a partner to enter the lifestyle?

No. How I wish I were. Damn.

What are the dynamics of your relationship?

I'm married to a very wonderful supportive man who not only loves me but likes me and thinks I'm beautiful. I have no idea how that happened. Regardless he is the best thing that ever happened to me, a miracle in my life. He's kinky. He's not a Dom. He is very much a large and in charge guy outside the bedroom.

How do you know when/where to draw the line?

I'm an adult. I make adult choices and stick with them.

How do you know if there even is a line?

I'm an adult. There is always a line. I have a piece of chalk and I know how to use it.

For those of you who aren't 24/7, how often do need/desire the BDSM play?

More often than I get it. LOT'S more often.

I've always liked to be restrained, when I was a kid my mom told me I was "sick" because only sicko's like to be tied up and it would lead to "other things". It wasn't until I was sexually active that I understood what she meant.

Lot's of parents erroneously feel that anything sexual is wrong, shameful blah, blah, blah, much less anything kinky. I'm sorry you experienced this. Mom's are some of the most painful things children have to cope with. They often have NO idea how deeply they can hurt a child.

I have a friend who used to be a Dom, but we never did anything together, which is a shame. I definitely got off on some of his stories though.

You have a friend who says he used to be a Dom and likes to watch you as he tells you stories. Got it.

I don't mean to be harsh but people will say anything. Do you have any way of verifying his claims? I doubt it.

Could he be trying to get you in bed or over a spanking bench. I bet he might be.

At the very least he is enjoying affecting you and flirting. Be wary.

My husband doesn't want to "hurt" me, even though I encourage it.

Good men rarely start out wanting to hurt you. If they do, they certainly don't want to admit this, even to themselves.

This is when you start telling him how it's more sensation to you than pain. This is when you praise him to the high heavens for any little effort he makes. This is where you make it clear how turned on such things make you.

When he sees how happy he has made you, he might relax a little into a role society has told him is wrong and mean. He might find he LIKES it! He might accept part of himself he never wanted to even look at ever.

Then again he could continue to think it's wrong.

He could think YOU are wrong.

You won't know if you don't try and keep trying to communicate.

We have a paddle and a flogger but he doesn't really seem interested in learning how to use it properly. I use them on him occasionally, but I don't really know how to use them (other than the tips that my Dom friend gave me).

Properly? What do you mean? What is improper usage in your book?

Is he interested in you using them on him? What are his fantasies?

The more I read the threads on this board, the more interested/aroused I am by the subject.

Trust me when I say this, you can easily become obsessed and that's not a happy place to be without any way to relieve the pressure.

Communicate more with your husband now before this happens and drives you who knows where.

How do you endure dry anal?

By saying ouch and bleeding. This is so NOT recommended. Lube is very important to most people in anal. Men like to keep skin on their dicks. Women prefer not to have torn rectums.

Anal can be a wonderfully pleasurable thing for everyone giving and receiving. I see no reason to make it unpleasant. Now some might and that's okay as long as two consenting adults are into it but I don't recommend it unless you two are really into it dry.

*shivers*

Are tears part and parcel to the sub experience?

For some perhaps. Not for others.

<snip>

HTH,

FF

 

[VelvetDarkness]

OK, here goes...

What was your first experience in BDSM?
As below in my other post.

Was it everything you had dreamed/fantasized about since you were young? More? Less?
It was what I dreamed but at the same time, not what I expected. I discovered I am total humiliation/painwhore, which disturbed me greatly... at first.

What are your boundaries? How far will you go to please your Master? Does it scare you?
I have no limits as I am a slave. My limits are set by Master. Having said that, I gave myself to a Master with the same kinks and interests as me. Things that I would never do are also things he has no interest in, so it works.

Have you always known something was "different" about you?
Sort of. I always rooted for the bad guy in films, like Alan Rickman in Robin Hood. I always found the notion of captivity romantic - like the princesses in fairy tales locked up for years. I also always loved strong male leads. It took quite some time to put all these puzzle pieces together and get a picture of a deviant though.

Were you just an unsuspecting vanilla who was approached by a partner to enter the lifestyle?
No. I reached a point where I was single and accepting of my desire for a dominant partner. I therefore started seeking one out online.

What are the dynamics of your relationship?
I am my Master's owned slave. I am his property and make no major decisions. I do all things with him in mind and as he would wish. I am available for his use, sexual or otherwise at all times, real life permitting and I never, ever get rebellious or belligerent... cause I'm a perfect slave.

How do you know when/where to draw the line?
It's easy. We're decent human being who live in the real world. Nobody but rich weirdos can be dolled up in leather being obsequious every moment of the day. The roles and principles are there and we live them with integrity to the best of our ability.

How do you know if there even is a line?
When the neighbours call the police. Seriously, we're adults. He has no interest in breaking me and I am not weak or deluded enough to be about to tolerate serious injury, death or loss of sanity.

For those of you who aren't 24/7, how often do need/desire the BDSM play?
We are 24/7 but that doesn't mean that everything is BDSMy. The frequency of our play varies according to our health and other life issues.

How do you endure dry anal? Are tears part and parcel to the sub experience?
I endure it because the pain heightens my arousal. He does it because he loves to see me cry and squirm. It's not something we do every day. Not every sub enjoys pain, some just like the control. Not every dom/me enjoys inflicting pain. Some doms will only inflict pain that a sub can enjoy to some degree, others deliberately seek to push things far further. Dominance and sadism are two separate modes of behaviour and it's perfectly possible to desire one without the other. Many people enjoy S&M without any kind of power exchange taking place and here, they're referred to as tops/bottoms.

 

[marieR19]

I'm not an experienced sub, at least not in practice, but I certainly want to answer these anyways!

What was your first experience in BDSM?
Adult experience? RL experience? What? My first real-life experience was with my most recent ex, Beth, and tho I don't remember the exact time, I know the first thing she did in this realm was pulling my hair... She seemed to like doing that more then anything else bdsm-wise (she's not a dom at all). First adult experience would be two years prior, cybersex with my then-gf, where she mentioned wanting to fuck my ass and spank me until I begged for mercy. Yum.

Was it everything you had dreamed/fantasized about since you were young? More? Less?
.... Not really (ie less). I loved the stuff I did with Beth, but I've always wanted more, but neither of us were at a place where it was possible.

What are your boundaries? How far will you go to please your Master? Does it scare you?
I am Mistress-free at the moment (regretably, I'll probably stay that way for a long time), but limits are something I've thought about a lot, and yeah it sometimes scares me how far my *mind* thinks I'll go to please my Mistress. In reality, I have a stubborn streak and a problem with anxiety that would probably limit my limits even further then I'd like.

Have you always known something was "different" about you?
Heck yes. Before I knew what bdsm was, before I had any inkling about anything sexual, I knew I liked pain and humiliation. In my child-mind, the only thing I could relate it to was abuse, and I knew that abuse was bad, but I wanted it. So yeah, I definitely always knew I was different.


Heather