BDSM newbie

[amy711]

Ok, my boyfriend seems to be interested in trying out some bondage things, both with him in charge as well as me in charge. The problem is, although I am fine with the idea, I honestly don't know what to do when I am in charge. I want to try it for his sake, but really don't know what I should do.

Can anyone help a newbie out? Any kind of simple but effective things I can start with at least?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

It would be a good idea for both of you to do some heavy reading in here. A lot of very experienced and wise folks have shared their experiences and ideas, both in the "regular" threads and in the library.

As far as specific ideas, "what to do when [you are] in charge" is awfully difficult at this point since you didn't give us much of an idea of the things you (plural) may already know you're interested in, other than the very broad topic of bondage. It might be a good idea for the two of you to sit down with one of the many questionnaires that specify a large number of BDSM-related activities, and see where (at least) your primary interests are, then give us a little better idea how we can help you.

In the meantime, welcome!

 

[FurryFury]

Scrunchee - Balls

'nough said.

 

[amy711]

Thanks for the direction.

 

[FurryFury]

I was actually kind of kidding though quite a few guys are into that.

Personally, I like silky things but I understand these things can slip and cause injuries. We've not found it a problem so far on the rare and rather wonderful occasions we've used them.

The thicker the rope the safer it is supposed to be but I'm comfortable with rope no thicker than clothes line which is cheep from the dollar store.

Hand cuffs can be dangerous even when used correctly, I understand.

Rope work at it's best is a beautiful art of trust and sharing. I didn't understand that until I went to a demo at a local kink event. I highly recommend you try to find a kink group and visit demos.

Now that I've looked in our library thread I can post these links for you:

http://www.bdsm-chicago.com/cram/CRAM_tuts.html

http://www.ropefashions.com/index.php

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=25362348&postcount=643

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=25362354&postcount=644

I also like using glad wrap on my guy. One of our forum members has a terrible reaction to it though. So the bottom line is always do your research, be safe and be prepared!

 

[myinnerslut]

my advice for a first time... have him do what you like. instruct him to please you. mabye tie his wrists and tell him to eat you out. for an added challenge give him a time limit. above all, make sure to stay in communication. since you are both new, and these experiences are unprecidented for both of you, you run the risk of doing something he really doesnt like or as furry mentioned might have a negative physical reaction to, like an allergy. pay attention to his reactions, and have fun.

 

[lakuriousity]

I'm a fan of tie and tease, myself - my old partner loved to tie me down and so one day I decided to get revenge for the curious shaped bruises around my wrists... So once I finally got him handcuffed I had my wicked way with him until he was squirming like anything!
Really, my tip would be do whatever you'd enjoy - and what he enjoys as well!

 

[greeneyed_Lady]

Absolutely keep open lines of communication. I had a lovely subbie boy last year that I played with, and because we were new to one another, the communication between us flowed a lot at first. Became less vocal the longer we were together because we had learned what we each needed, wanted and expected. I was able to read his reactions and gauge what he needed/wanted, how much he could take and when he'd had enough.

Definitely sit down and read thru things here, find a checklist and go thru it together (one of my favorite things to do with a new partner, and even an old one as a refresher) and discuss what you each want and are comfortable exploring together.

I still struggle with being the dominant one. It helps having a partner who is willing to talk thru things tho, we spent a lot of time disecting our play sessions, what worked, what didn't, what could be done differently.. etc. I feed of my partners reactions, and the boy I have now is starting to open up and react more then when we started. It's amazing what a simple moan, grunt or groan can do to intensify the feelings and change the direction of the play.

You absolutely do not need to *compete* with those that are more experienced. Just because *they* do *this* doesn't mean you have to. I for one would never jump into something like needle play because I am truly inexperienced with it, and right now while I understand the theory of it, the practical is beyond me. Guess I'm saying to know your limits and to respect them. Grow slowly together. There's no right or wrong to the play (as long as you are doing things SAFELY!!!). There's a fine line between pleasure and pain, some pain is pleasurable, some isn't. You'll need to find those lines yourself.

Good luck, happy exploring and welcome to the dark side.