BDSM- lifestyle or not

[xxCrystal4314xx]

I hear people say about living a fully BDSM lifestyle, but I'm not sure how that would work? Would that mean being permanately Dom or Sub throughout every day? even with housework etc?

How do you have bdsm in your life?

 

[CutieMouse]

It means I wander about (naked) in slave chains, and never think for myself, as that would be above my station.

*nods wisely*













Actually I really do have a serious answer, but I need to eat dinner, and really really have to try and get some work done... I will be back.

 

[xxCrystal4314xx]

I was pretty convinced by the first answer

It's already midnight here, so I'll have to be in suspense til I log in tomorrow

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I am who and what I am, my janey is who and what she is, and our relationship is our relationship, which is Master & slave 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

She's my slave whether we are at home and playing, sitting infront of the TV watching SciFi Friday, going out to dinner, or visiting her parents or my kids.

I am her Master when I am at work, when I'm travelling across the country, when I go to the store, when I go out to a munch.

Living BDSM as a lifestyle isn't playing a game. It isn't "being in role". It's not dressing up in leather or running around naked. It's WHO YOU ARE. It's not something you can pick up and put down or change like your clothes. It's not a fad, or fancy or hobby. It's an integral part of your being, your sexuality, your outlook on life, your values, your world view.

BDSM as a lifestyle isn't floggers and toys. It's not crosses and ropes and chains and spanking benches. The Lifestyle isn't kinky sex or extreme play, or munches or play parties. BDSM is what you and your partner(s) make of it. It's your relationship, your lives. It's there in the housework, the yardwork, cooking dinner, washing dishes, it's there when you sleep, when you wake, when you take a shower. It's there, it's always there.

How you express it, how your show it to your partner or the world may vary from situation to situation. You make your BEHAVIOR appropriate to the situation. Vanilla folk don't throw their partners down on the floor at the 7-11 and fuck the beejeebers out of them, why should anyone expect any different from a BDSM relationship???

We exercise common sense, we live in the real world, not some bodice-ripper fantasy porn movie or book. That's who we are, that's how we live. Day in, day out.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I am who and what I am, my janey is who and what she is, and our relationship is our relationship, which is Master & slave 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

She's my slave whether we are at home and playing, sitting infront of the TV watching SciFi Friday, going out to dinner, or visiting her parents or my kids.

I am her Master when I am at work, when I'm travelling across the country, when I go to the store, when I go out to a munch.

Living BDSM as a lifestyle isn't playing a game. It isn't "being in role". It's not dressing up in leather or running around naked. It's WHO YOU ARE. It's not something you can pick up and put down or change like your clothes. It's not a fad, or fancy or hobby. It's an integral part of your being, your sexuality, your outlook on life, your values, your world view.

BDSM as a lifestyle isn't floggers and toys. It's not crosses and ropes and chains and spanking benches. The Lifestyle isn't kinky sex or extreme play, or munches or play parties. BDSM is what you and your partner(s) make of it. It's your relationship, your lives. It's there in the housework, the yardwork, cooking dinner, washing dishes, it's there when you sleep, when you wake, when you take a shower. It's there, it's always there.

How you express it, how your show it to your partner or the world may vary from situation to situation. You make your BEHAVIOR appropriate to the situation. Vanilla folk don't throw their partners down on the floor at the 7-11 and fuck the beejeebers out of them, why should anyone expect any different from a BDSM relationship???

We exercise common sense, we live in the real world, not some bodice-ripper fantasy porn movie or book. That's who we are, that's how we live. Day in, day out.

I knew if I waited long enough, you would state my thoughts better than I could myself.

Eb

 

[SirLeo]

It is what it is does not necessarily mean 24/7/365

My belief is that you have to find what is right for you and your Dom. After much experimenting, m and I for instance are here.... she will wait for me to feel like I have need to express my Dom side or for me to sense that she needs to express her sub side. When neither of us is experiencing that need, then we may do any and all kinds of different things, though one thing we do not do is "switch". I guess the D/s part of our relationship is mostly sexual, m is a very intellgent and wise soul. She is also very giving and receptive, though stubborn. I will say this though, whether or not she needs to be discplined depends entirely on how I feel about it.

I would love to hear what shy slave thinks about this subject.

So best wishes and don't be afraid to explore your boundaries, but make certain that you have established a safe parameter that you both agree you can retreat to.

 

[neonflux]

I am who and what I am, my janey is who and what she is, and our relationship is our relationship, which is Master & slave 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

She's my slave whether we are at home and playing, sitting infront of the TV watching SciFi Friday, going out to dinner, or visiting her parents or my kids.

I am her Master when I am at work, when I'm travelling across the country, when I go to the store, when I go out to a munch.

Living BDSM as a lifestyle isn't playing a game. It isn't "being in role". It's not dressing up in leather or running around naked. It's WHO YOU ARE. It's not something you can pick up and put down or change like your clothes. It's not a fad, or fancy or hobby. It's an integral part of your being, your sexuality, your outlook on life, your values, your world view.

BDSM as a lifestyle isn't floggers and toys. It's not crosses and ropes and chains and spanking benches. The Lifestyle isn't kinky sex or extreme play, or munches or play parties. BDSM is what you and your partner(s) make of it. It's your relationship, your lives. It's there in the housework, the yardwork, cooking dinner, washing dishes, it's there when you sleep, when you wake, when you take a shower. It's there, it's always there.

How you express it, how your show it to your partner or the world may vary from situation to situation. You make your BEHAVIOR appropriate to the situation. Vanilla folk don't throw their partners down on the floor at the 7-11 and fuck the beejeebers out of them, why should anyone expect any different from a BDSM relationship???

We exercise common sense, we live in the real world, not some bodice-ripper fantasy porn movie or book. That's who we are, that's how we live. Day in, day out.

EG, do you mean that those of us who do not live BDSM 24/7 are treating it lightly, or only "playing?" If so, then this may be the first time I have ever found myself disagreeing with something you've written.

I have only been in this for a little over a year, but I know that I just am not wired for 24/7. Perhaps because I am switch, but I think it also to be a matter of personality. I won't call it "lifestyle" because having come to accept my queerness years ago, I understand all sexual desire and expression to be much more than that.

BDSM is still a fundamental part of who I am. It informs my view of the world and my understanding of power relationships, it allows me to express myself and to experience intimacy at very profound levels. It is also, often, as much about self-discovery and spiritual experience as it is about play and "getting off." Neon

 

[CutieMouse]

The relationship I'm currently looking at would be considered a full blown day in day out power based relationship... which means I may be asked for my opinion, I am welcome to voice my opinion, I will be encouraged to offer up any suggestions I have... and in the end, we both know he'll make the decisions. LOL (Knowing that wise men accept wise counsel, I have zero issues with handing the decision making stuff over to him. )

 

[Netzach]

I don't go out of my way to assert myself over my husband in a ritual way or anything. But I definitely chose someone who was deferential and submissive by nature to my difficult and aggressive - just think if I did the opposite.

 

[satindesire]

I don't go out of my way to assert myself over my husband in a ritual way or anything. But I definitely chose someone who was deferential and submissive by nature to my difficult and aggressive - just think if I did the opposite.

You don't strike me as a 'difficult' woman, Netz <3

I picked 'other' because I am much more submissive than my Sir is dominant. I would go so far as to say he doesn't really 'see' how submissive I am in a BDSM way, and we do very few 'kinky' things as I imagine other couples do. I would love to be more 'under his thumb' and be asked to wear my collar daily, and do other more lifesyle-y things, but I don't think he has the same urges as I do.

So to make a long story short, I am more involved than he is, so I had to choose 'other'.

 

[liberatedslave]

Sir and I are in an LDR and so 24/7 D/s isn't really possible. Having said that, our relationship is based around D/s and I defer to him on decisions that effect us, although he doesn't yet make many decisions that affect only me. I do always seek his advice but he's not about to interfere much in things I can manage fine on my own and have done for years.

I voted that we incorporate D/s into everything we do because it is at the heart of our dynamic and very rarely do we step outside it. Whether others in my situation would have voted differently I can't say.

 

[His_pita]

Evil_Geoff, perfectly summed up how my Joe and I view our BDSM lifestyle.

 

[catalina_francisco]

EG said it perfectly and since I am not one to try and improve on perfection (see, I can learn to bury my perfectionism with the right man guiding me), I will not repeat or reword what he said. I will say though that I wish those who do not live 24/7 or do not wish to would stop questioning it's authenticity or claiming it is not possible or getting defensive about their own choices....we choose what works for us, I can no more live it less than 24/7 than some could live it 24/7, but that is the beauty of diversity and accepting we cannot and are not wired the same....how boring it would be if we were.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/376615023_0ab3a34b3f_t.jpg Catalina

 

[neonflux]

EG said it perfectly and since I am not one to try and improve on perfection (see, I can learn to bury my perfectionism with the right man guiding me), I will not repeat or reword what he said. I will say though that I wish those who do not live 24/7 or do not wish to would stop questioning it's authenticity or claiming it is not possible or getting defensive about their own choices....we choose what works for us, I can no more live it less than 24/7 than some could live it 24/7, but that is the beauty of diversity and accepting we cannot and are not wired the same....how boring it would be if we were.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/376615023_0ab3a34b3f_t.jpg Catalina

Cat, I suspect you might be referring to me, since I am almost the only non-24/7 person who's responded so far. If not, then I AM getting defensive here. *chuckle* I really am quite happy with who I am, just in case you couldn't tell. My question to Geoff was not due to my questioning my authenticity or getting defensive about my choice, but an honest request for clarification. However, in retrospect, it was probably also a response to the wording of the poll, which states "For play only, it stays in a sexual context." As I see it, it is much more than play for me - as important in some ways to my sense of being as is my sexual orientation. Hmmmm, that does sound suspiciously similar to EG's comment... OOPS, EG! I think that we are again in agreement! And Cat, point taken.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I answered "other" because my relationship is a LDR that is mostly phone/on-line though we have met in person more than a few times. In all interactions the D/s dynamic is present. We don't shift into roles just for fantasy or phone sex. He is on my mind throughout the day and whenever I need to make any decision. Even during the light chit chat sort of conversations that make up the majority of our interaction I still know my place. I know what lines not to cross. We may not be with each other in person but I am his submissive 24/7 in my mind.

 

[Linyari]

Ours is strictly in the sexual sense. I've fantasized that it would be fun to take it a bit further into our regular life (I'd love to be collared) but ultimately, I recognize that wouldn't work for our relationship. He is incredibly dominant in all walks of life. It's why I was attracted to him in the first place and I can't be sexual with someone who doesn't exude that sort of confidence and control. But I've spent so much of my life trying to be a people pleaser that I recognized that it would be better for me to learn how to make my wants and needs known.

Also, what he looks for in a partner is someone that will argue with him (oh what rows we have) and have more of an equal role. 24/7 wouldn't work for us.

I know many people who do live 24/7 and they do it splendidly. But we wouldn't be able to make it work properly.

Though I have noted that perhaps I am more full time than he is, based on other's comments. Most of my thoughts are consumed with making him happy and I pretty much wait on him hand and foot when he is home. But that my be my personality? I'd do that with my partner no matter what the dynamic.

I guess by nature, I'm a natural submissive and he tries to draw me out and make me more outgoing and opinionated.

 

[intothewoods]

EG, do you mean that those of us who do not live BDSM 24/7 are treating it lightly, or only "playing?" If so, then this may be the first time I have ever found myself disagreeing with something you've written.

I have only been in this for a little over a year, but I know that I just am not wired for 24/7. Perhaps because I am switch, but I think it also to be a matter of personality. I won't call it "lifestyle" because having come to accept my queerness years ago, I understand all sexual desire and expression to be much more than that.

BDSM is still a fundamental part of who I am. It informs my view of the world and my understanding of power relationships, it allows me to express myself and to experience intimacy at very profound levels. It is also, often, as much about self-discovery and spiritual experience as it is about play and "getting off." Neon

Well, I agree with you, Miss Neon! Just because I'm not now (and may not ever, who knows) live 24/7 doesn't mean I'm taking it lightly. I especially want to highlight the self-discovery and -- well, for me, I'd say emotional, almost therapeutic experiences (the good Jewish girl in me is shying away from saying *spiritual*) of my exploration of bdsm.

Hell, what if you're in a 24/7 relationship and you end it. Are you suddenly out of the lifestyle?

 

[Chris_Xavier]

mostly for play, but we follow our roles in some things (housework etc)

Since I was raised soley by my mother, I was raised to at least listen to my partner/so/sub/pyl (whatever the hell they are called these days). I definitely like to be "in charge" but realize that the other person in the relationship may have information or expertise on a specific topic that I might not have or need to know.

I would never tell my pyl how to vote in a political election but at the same time I would definitely try to convince her of the error of her ways should her opinion differ from mine.

I have a question for the 24/7 people out there... does the level of your relationship require/include that the PYL picks the clothes that the pyl wears?

I would do so on a night out on the town - especially if I had "something in mind" for the evening but wouldn't/don't pick out the the clothing for day to day wear.

 

[intothewoods]

EG said it perfectly and since I am not one to try and improve on perfection (see, I can learn to bury my perfectionism with the right man guiding me), I will not repeat or reword what he said. I will say though that I wish those who do not live 24/7 or do not wish to would stop questioning it's authenticity or claiming it is not possible or getting defensive about their own choices....we choose what works for us, I can no more live it less than 24/7 than some could live it 24/7, but that is the beauty of diversity and accepting we cannot and are not wired the same....how boring it would be if we were.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/376615023_0ab3a34b3f_t.jpg Catalina

I absolutely respect your right and decision to live 24/7 in the way you choose. I think everyone has the right to determine what works for them.

 

[Netzach]

You don't strike me as a 'difficult' woman, Netz <3 (

Let's be roomates for about 2 years and you will have another word for it.

 

[Netzach]

Cat, I suspect you might be referring to me, since I am almost the only non-24/7 person who's responded so far. If not, then I AM getting defensive here. *chuckle* I really am quite happy with who I am, just in case you couldn't tell. My question to Geoff was not due to my questioning my authenticity or getting defensive about my choice, but an honest request for clarification. However, in retrospect, it was probably also a response to the wording of the poll, which states "For play only, it stays in a sexual context." As I see it, it is much more than play for me - as important in some ways to my sense of being as is my sexual orientation. Hmmmm, that does sound suspiciously similar to EG's comment... OOPS, EG! I think that we are again in agreement! And Cat, point taken.

I agree there's a certain level of seriousness with which one can approach SM for which "24/7" isn't accurate (like, people without partners for one thing) and "it's just a bedroom kink" is even less accurate.

 

[SubKekiLee]

lifestyle?

For me since getting back into the lifestyle ( since I stepped out to a VERY Vanilla relationship) I try to allow him to make alot of the decisions and live it 24/7 but sometimes it isnt possible I do try to live though as I feel much better when someone else is making those tough difficult decisions as I have survived on my own for many years but is so nice to relinquish control to my dom... He does do alot for me and it makes me think if him 24/7 every time I wake, I fall asleep, I drive, work etc..... For me it isnt just about sex it is about letting go of control... .

 

[Netzach]

Since I was raised soley by my mother, I was raised to at least listen to my partner/so/sub/pyl (whatever the hell they are called these days). I definitely like to be "in charge" but realize that the other person in the relationship may have information or expertise on a specific topic that I might not have or need to know.

I would never tell my pyl how to vote in a political election but at the same time I would definitely try to convince her of the error of her ways should her opinion differ from mine.

I have a question for the 24/7 people out there... does the level of your relationship require/include that the PYL picks the clothes that the pyl wears?

I would do so on a night out on the town - especially if I had "something in mind" for the evening but wouldn't/don't pick out the the clothing for day to day wear.

I really blush at the label and I don't think I'm "24/7" but I have made M go back and change when I dislike what he has on, and I have urged him to incorporate more femme underthings, which he likes but the green light got him into more, the approval really worked for him.

 

[JMohegan]

I agree there's a certain level of seriousness with which one can approach SM for which "24/7" isn't accurate (like, people without partners for one thing) and "it's just a bedroom kink" is even less accurate.

I agree with this, too.

In fact, the most skilled Tops and bottoms I know never take the dynamic outside the bedroom/dungeon. Nobody gets that skilled at anything without a serious interest in, and devotion to, the activity itself.

For these people, BDSM is part sport, part sex, part artistry, part personal challenge, part hobby, part entertainment, part "that which makes life worth living and keeps one sane".

As an aside, I'll note that most of the people I know who fit that description are in firmly committed, deeply loving, long term relationships with their primary partner.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

BDSM is still a fundamental part of who I am. It informs my view of the world and my understanding of power relationships, it allows me to express myself and to experience intimacy at very profound levels. It is also, often, as much about self-discovery and spiritual experience as it is about play and "getting off." Neon

Then BDSM is part of who and what you are. It is your lifestyle because it is your life.

BDSM as a lifestyle isn't play. It isn't clothes. It isn't scenes. Just because you aren't dressed in fetishwear or playing 24/7 doesn't mean you aren't living the lifestyle.

If you are NOT living BDSM as a lifestyle means that for you it is a game, it's for grins and giggles, it's something you pick up and put down as the mood strikes, something you can walk away from and not look back.

Does that make it clearer?