Bramblethorn
Sleep-deprived
- Joined
- Feb 16, 2012
- Posts
- 18,294
(vent/whine ahead)
I'm a fairly reserved sort of person IRL. It's not that I dislike people - I like everybody unless they work to change that - but processing social interaction is hard work and it drains my batteries pretty quickly, especially with strangers. At a party, I'm the one out in the garden, maybe talking quietly to a good friend, maybe just being alone and clearing my head before I go back inside. Intimate relationships: usually with people I've known as friends for YEARS beforehand.
Usually that's fine; it's my thing and it works for me. But sometimes BDSM discussion leaves me feeling like I need to be a massive extrovert to do this stuff properly. My BDSM friends talk about stuff they learned at play parties, workshops, etc... and I find it really hard to see myself doing anything that involves baring myself to that extent (literally or otherwise) in front of strangers.
So the stuff I do is mostly learned from books, or the net, or self-taught. But it's not the same as learning the ropes in person from somebody who knows their stuff, and I end up feeling like I'm Not Doing It Right. I see people talking about "the kink community" and I'm not sure whether I'm part of that community or even if I want to be. (And no disrespect intended to those who are; it just isn't one of the ways that I feel like connecting with strangers.)
Stupid thing is, I know exactly what I'd say to somebody else who came to me with those insecurities: it's not a competition, as long as you and your partner are having fun and you understand the safety angles, etc etc. But sometimes it's hard to listen to that, especially after meeting my girlfriend's partner, who's as extroverted as I am introverted. (Within about five minutes of our first meeting, she'd asked if I was okay with her showing off the bruises she'd acquired on her breasts at a recent kink event. Edit: should clarify that she's lovely, it's just me feeling insecure about the contrast.)
Anybody else get these feelings sometimes?
I'm a fairly reserved sort of person IRL. It's not that I dislike people - I like everybody unless they work to change that - but processing social interaction is hard work and it drains my batteries pretty quickly, especially with strangers. At a party, I'm the one out in the garden, maybe talking quietly to a good friend, maybe just being alone and clearing my head before I go back inside. Intimate relationships: usually with people I've known as friends for YEARS beforehand.
Usually that's fine; it's my thing and it works for me. But sometimes BDSM discussion leaves me feeling like I need to be a massive extrovert to do this stuff properly. My BDSM friends talk about stuff they learned at play parties, workshops, etc... and I find it really hard to see myself doing anything that involves baring myself to that extent (literally or otherwise) in front of strangers.
So the stuff I do is mostly learned from books, or the net, or self-taught. But it's not the same as learning the ropes in person from somebody who knows their stuff, and I end up feeling like I'm Not Doing It Right. I see people talking about "the kink community" and I'm not sure whether I'm part of that community or even if I want to be. (And no disrespect intended to those who are; it just isn't one of the ways that I feel like connecting with strangers.)
Stupid thing is, I know exactly what I'd say to somebody else who came to me with those insecurities: it's not a competition, as long as you and your partner are having fun and you understand the safety angles, etc etc. But sometimes it's hard to listen to that, especially after meeting my girlfriend's partner, who's as extroverted as I am introverted. (Within about five minutes of our first meeting, she'd asked if I was okay with her showing off the bruises she'd acquired on her breasts at a recent kink event. Edit: should clarify that she's lovely, it's just me feeling insecure about the contrast.)
Anybody else get these feelings sometimes?
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I do best in groups of 3 - 5 (max). More than that starts to make it hard for me to keep track and creates a huge energy sink. If I go to something big, like full of noise and people and questions/ social stuff? I'll take twice as long doing something quiet and alone to recover. 
