~Dream~
Loving My Soulmate Scott
- Joined
- May 21, 2002
- Posts
- 18,275
**I found this info at a website I was cruising around trying to educate myself further with and thought it might be beneficial to novices in the lifestyle who are just beginning to experience or have questions about Bondage.. From my personal experience alone I can honestly say,it's one of the most "pleasurable experiences I have ever had (to be "bound")....
**It it not as if a few words can describe who we are. We are just people living our every day lives. We go to work, we spend time with our families, we feed our dogs and water our plants, we laugh and we cry. We are just people. Some of us may not yet understand our desires and our cravings for this lifestyle, and some of us may have been walking this path as long as we can remember. We are all in the stages of accepting and exploring and we are here to share, learn and grow with each other.
First things first. Let's clear up a few misconceptions about both the practitioners and the practices of bondage:
Bondage is not just about getting someone into an inescapable situation and hurting them.
People that practice bondage are not rapists, psychos, or other nasty, monstrous types.
Bondage is all about the fulfillment of deep and primal needs.
It is an act of love, not violence.
There is just something wonderfully sexy about the idea of surrendering or being in control and enacting a fantasy that is "forbidden".
It is cathartic, loving and beautiful in a way that you cannot possibly conceive unless you've been there and done it.
Here are a few guidelines for the novice....
Choosing a partner
Bondage is not a solo practice. You need at least one other partner to safely satisfy that urge, whether you are dominant or submissive. Selecting the correct partner is crucial. Make sure that this person is someone you know well and that you trust implicitly. This person should be made well aware of your intentions and desires and should be 100% consenting. No if's and's or but's.
Communication
Proper communication is an absolute must. It does not just start and end before the act. It is imperative that you and your partner/s establish effective means of communication throughout all of it. Make sure that everyone involved is aware at all times of how you feel about what you are doing or having done to you. This is not necessarily going to kill spontaneity or ruin a 'scene' for anyone. Quite the contrary. Before anything happens, be sure that you have a set of SAFE WORDS and/or signals ready and committed to memory. For those who are unfamiliar with the term SAFE WORD, it is simply put, a word, signal, or phrase that has a definite meaning to the person/s that hear/s it, usually when the submissive has been pushed beyond the limit of what s/he finds pleasurable and needs the dominant to stop or lighten up a bit. If you do not use safe words, you will find that bondage is suddenly a very dangerous game, and at the very least, people will not want to play it with you.
Mutual Support
Bondage, by its very nature is a highly emotional activity. It pushes both the dominant and submissive parties to their respective emotional and sometimes physical limits. There will be times that both sides need the support, approval and love of the other. Never ridicule your partner for not being capable of performing an act which is beyond their personal limits. Spend time after your session being affectionate and receptive. Just because your submissive can't physically handle having his or her elbows tied together doesn't make them defective. Just because your dominant squicks at the mere idea of making you roll around in diapers acting like an infant doesn't make him or her a wimp. This is just personal taste. Some of us just can't do these things. It's nothing to criticize. Move on to something you BOTH enjoy. Trust me, you'll come upon a situation you personally can't handle, and you'll be glad of having someone tell you that you aren't defective/wimpy/whatever.
Establishing Limits
Everyone has things they just do not enjoy. Bondage doesn't change that. Make sure you establish a set of limits before you even think about embarking on a session. Be honest with yourself and your partner or the experience will not be all it could. If you dislike being struck a certain way or with certain objects, let your dominant know this. If you don't, there are very good odds that you will regret it. Discuss these things honestly and openly with your partner so that s/he knows what you do and do not want. As a dominant, I am frustrated by not knowing how far I can go, or what I am expected to do. I am not afraid or ashamed to admit this. If you or your partner cannot honestly set down your limits and respect them, then maybe bondage isn't for you or them.
REMEBER: When you dominate somebody, you need to be INCREDIBLY AWARE of EVERYTHING that is happening in the scene. If you slack on this issue, you could end up seriously injuring your partner mentally or physically. Being a TOP does have it's rewards, but eternal vigilance is the price you pay for being in charge.
When securing your submissive, pay close attention to how tightly you tie them. Make sure that you do not cut off circulation or stretch muscles too much. Ignoring this can lead to embarrassing hospital trips, not to mention possible permanent damage to nerves.
When using handcuffs, the standard police issue handcuffs can sometimes cut the nerve of sensation from the wrist to the thumb.
Also, handcuffs that do not have a small chain between them (these are usually attached to each other by a hinge that can fold the cuffs together) can be dangerous. If somebody falls while wearing them, they can break a wrist.
If using hoods or gags, be very sure that the person who wears these objects can breathe freely. If they can not, adjust the hood or gag until they can. Asphyxiation is a terrible way to die.
If you're using a rubber ball gag, it's a good idea to use one with snaps on the strap instead of buckles, in case there's an accident, and you need to get the sub out of the gag quickly.
Always use a safe word or signal to halt play in bad situations. It can save your relationship or even save your life.
Never leave a bound submissive alone in a room. Not only is this emotionally dangerous, but physically as well. This goes double for someone who is gagged and bound.
If your bondage play includes sex, always make sure you practice safety measures like condoms, spermicidal gels, etc. Always make sure you are tested regularly for STDs like herpes or AIDS and that your partner does likewise.
When using toys like vibrators, vampire gloves, butt plugs, or anything else that has the possibility of getting bodily fluids on it, make sure you WASH IT after EVERY use. Whether or not you continue to use it on the same partner, you still need to make sure everything is clean. Infection in those "oh-so-tender" areas can be at least annoying, and at most debilitating until they go away.
If you do have multiple partners, it's a good idea to use completely different implements on them. Latex can only stop so much folks...It's better to be safe than sorry.
Always make sure that you are with a consenting partner, and that all of your activities are mutually consentual.
Comments??? Questions?...Anyone??
**It it not as if a few words can describe who we are. We are just people living our every day lives. We go to work, we spend time with our families, we feed our dogs and water our plants, we laugh and we cry. We are just people. Some of us may not yet understand our desires and our cravings for this lifestyle, and some of us may have been walking this path as long as we can remember. We are all in the stages of accepting and exploring and we are here to share, learn and grow with each other.
First things first. Let's clear up a few misconceptions about both the practitioners and the practices of bondage:
Bondage is not just about getting someone into an inescapable situation and hurting them.
People that practice bondage are not rapists, psychos, or other nasty, monstrous types.
Bondage is all about the fulfillment of deep and primal needs.
It is an act of love, not violence.
There is just something wonderfully sexy about the idea of surrendering or being in control and enacting a fantasy that is "forbidden".
It is cathartic, loving and beautiful in a way that you cannot possibly conceive unless you've been there and done it.
Here are a few guidelines for the novice....
Choosing a partner
Bondage is not a solo practice. You need at least one other partner to safely satisfy that urge, whether you are dominant or submissive. Selecting the correct partner is crucial. Make sure that this person is someone you know well and that you trust implicitly. This person should be made well aware of your intentions and desires and should be 100% consenting. No if's and's or but's.
Communication
Proper communication is an absolute must. It does not just start and end before the act. It is imperative that you and your partner/s establish effective means of communication throughout all of it. Make sure that everyone involved is aware at all times of how you feel about what you are doing or having done to you. This is not necessarily going to kill spontaneity or ruin a 'scene' for anyone. Quite the contrary. Before anything happens, be sure that you have a set of SAFE WORDS and/or signals ready and committed to memory. For those who are unfamiliar with the term SAFE WORD, it is simply put, a word, signal, or phrase that has a definite meaning to the person/s that hear/s it, usually when the submissive has been pushed beyond the limit of what s/he finds pleasurable and needs the dominant to stop or lighten up a bit. If you do not use safe words, you will find that bondage is suddenly a very dangerous game, and at the very least, people will not want to play it with you.
Mutual Support
Bondage, by its very nature is a highly emotional activity. It pushes both the dominant and submissive parties to their respective emotional and sometimes physical limits. There will be times that both sides need the support, approval and love of the other. Never ridicule your partner for not being capable of performing an act which is beyond their personal limits. Spend time after your session being affectionate and receptive. Just because your submissive can't physically handle having his or her elbows tied together doesn't make them defective. Just because your dominant squicks at the mere idea of making you roll around in diapers acting like an infant doesn't make him or her a wimp. This is just personal taste. Some of us just can't do these things. It's nothing to criticize. Move on to something you BOTH enjoy. Trust me, you'll come upon a situation you personally can't handle, and you'll be glad of having someone tell you that you aren't defective/wimpy/whatever.
Establishing Limits
Everyone has things they just do not enjoy. Bondage doesn't change that. Make sure you establish a set of limits before you even think about embarking on a session. Be honest with yourself and your partner or the experience will not be all it could. If you dislike being struck a certain way or with certain objects, let your dominant know this. If you don't, there are very good odds that you will regret it. Discuss these things honestly and openly with your partner so that s/he knows what you do and do not want. As a dominant, I am frustrated by not knowing how far I can go, or what I am expected to do. I am not afraid or ashamed to admit this. If you or your partner cannot honestly set down your limits and respect them, then maybe bondage isn't for you or them.
REMEBER: When you dominate somebody, you need to be INCREDIBLY AWARE of EVERYTHING that is happening in the scene. If you slack on this issue, you could end up seriously injuring your partner mentally or physically. Being a TOP does have it's rewards, but eternal vigilance is the price you pay for being in charge.
When securing your submissive, pay close attention to how tightly you tie them. Make sure that you do not cut off circulation or stretch muscles too much. Ignoring this can lead to embarrassing hospital trips, not to mention possible permanent damage to nerves.
When using handcuffs, the standard police issue handcuffs can sometimes cut the nerve of sensation from the wrist to the thumb.
Also, handcuffs that do not have a small chain between them (these are usually attached to each other by a hinge that can fold the cuffs together) can be dangerous. If somebody falls while wearing them, they can break a wrist.
If using hoods or gags, be very sure that the person who wears these objects can breathe freely. If they can not, adjust the hood or gag until they can. Asphyxiation is a terrible way to die.
If you're using a rubber ball gag, it's a good idea to use one with snaps on the strap instead of buckles, in case there's an accident, and you need to get the sub out of the gag quickly.
Always use a safe word or signal to halt play in bad situations. It can save your relationship or even save your life.
Never leave a bound submissive alone in a room. Not only is this emotionally dangerous, but physically as well. This goes double for someone who is gagged and bound.
If your bondage play includes sex, always make sure you practice safety measures like condoms, spermicidal gels, etc. Always make sure you are tested regularly for STDs like herpes or AIDS and that your partner does likewise.
When using toys like vibrators, vampire gloves, butt plugs, or anything else that has the possibility of getting bodily fluids on it, make sure you WASH IT after EVERY use. Whether or not you continue to use it on the same partner, you still need to make sure everything is clean. Infection in those "oh-so-tender" areas can be at least annoying, and at most debilitating until they go away.
If you do have multiple partners, it's a good idea to use completely different implements on them. Latex can only stop so much folks...It's better to be safe than sorry.
Always make sure that you are with a consenting partner, and that all of your activities are mutually consentual.
Comments??? Questions?...Anyone??
