BDSM and Sexuality

[P. B. Walker]

I'm sure this topic has been at least brought up in this forum, but I thought it might be interesting to touch on again.

Many have stated that their sexuality is completely separate from their BDSM play. They still need and want both, but the two do not mix. At the other end of the spectrum, there are people that have both of them interwined to the point that you can't tell were the sexuality begins and the BDSM stops.

I was wondering where people fall in this spectrum.

1) Do you feel that BDSM is your sexuality? Or is it a totally separate experience for you?

2) If it is separate, is your sex life vanilla? Do you engage in straight sex? Is it with vanilla people or other people who keep BDSM separate from their sexuality (kindred spirits sort of).

3) For the people that are in TPE and/or 24/7 relationships... are there ever times where you are just in the mood for a good roll in the hay (i.e., a good hard fucking... lol). For example, do Domme's ever feel like letting their guard down and letting the male sub get on top? Or for a male Dom, letting the female sub get up and ride to her hearts content without all the bondage/spankings/etc?

4) Does anyone ever have to go outside a relationship to find straight, vanilla sex?

5) Does the idea of straight vanilla sex totally turn anyone off?

6) Are there times when you just like to cuddle.


Again, I'm just trying to get a feel for the different types of BDSM relationships out there and the different ways people enjoy their sexuality.

PBW "Oh no... Mistress caught me masturbating... AGAIN."

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm sure this topic has been at least brought up in this forum, but I thought it might be interesting to touch on again.

Many have stated that their sexuality is completely separate from their BDSM play. They still need and want both, but the two do not mix. At the other end of the spectrum, there are people that have both of them interwined to the point that you can't tell were the sexuality begins and the BDSM stops.

I was wondering where people fall in this spectrum.

1) Do you feel that BDSM is your sexuality? Or is it a totally separate experience for you?

2) If it is separate, is your sex life vanilla? Do you engage in straight sex? Is it with vanilla people or other people who keep BDSM separate from their sexuality (kindred spirits sort of).

3) For the people that are in TPE and/or 24/7 relationships... are there ever times where you are just in the mood for a good roll in the hay (i.e., a good hard fucking... lol). For example, do Domme's ever feel like letting their guard down and letting the male sub get on top? Or for a male Dom, letting the female sub get up and ride to her hearts content without all the bondage/spankings/etc?

4) Does anyone ever have to go outside a relationship to find straight, vanilla sex?

5) Does the idea of straight vanilla sex totally turn anyone off?

6) Are there times when you just like to cuddle.


Again, I'm just trying to get a feel for the different types of BDSM relationships out there and the different ways people enjoy their sexuality.

PBW "Oh no... Mistress caught me masturbating... AGAIN."

~~~~~~Swell topic.
1. Submissiveness is my lifestyle, my personality, my makeup, my sexuality.
2/5. I have and do engage in 'nilla sex, but I find it not nearly as fulfilling as D/s encounters. As time goes on and I discover more about my sexuality and my submissiveness, 'nilla sex is becoming less and less appealing to me.
3. and 4. do not apply to me.
6. Yes, especially during times of external (outside my romantic relationships) stress, I do love to cuddle. Sometimes I just need that comforting from my Dom.

Rose

 

[WillowPuss]

Good grief PBW!
Its Friday evening here ... brain switch off time! :big grin:

I will give it a go ... but prolly won't make a whole lot od sense.

1) Do you feel that BDSM is your sexuality? Or is it a totally separate experience for you?

Submissiveness is just me ... so - It is my sexuality too, I suppose - never really thought about it.

2) If it is separate, is your sex life vanilla? Do you engage in straight sex? Is it with vanilla people or other people who keep BDSM separate from their sexuality (kindred spirits sort of).?

Not applicable - see 1 above

3) For the people that are in TPE and/or 24/7 relationships... are there ever times where you are just in the mood for a good roll in the hay (i.e., a good hard fucking... lol). For example, do Domme's ever feel like letting their guard down and letting the male sub get on top? Or for a male Dom, letting the female sub get up and ride to her hearts content without all the bondage/spankings/etc?).

Can't answer this one - it appears to be addressed to Dom/mes

4) Does anyone ever have to go outside a relationship to find straight, vanilla sex?

No me. No way.

5) Does the idea of straight vanilla sex totally turn anyone off?

I don't think, for me, it would ever be straight vanilla sex - there would always be that power exchange. If He wants a straight hard fuck, then that is what He gets ...

6) Are there times when you just like to cuddle.

yes ... but again, there is always that power exchange. (See my post on the 'rules' section about cuddling )

Again, I'm just trying to get a feel for the different types of BDSM relationships out there and the different ways people enjoy their sexuality.

I don't suppose I have helped much here ... sorry.

PBW "Oh no... Mistress caught me masturbating... AGAIN."

ummmm ... pssssssssst ... if it is a second offence - you are gonna prolly find yourself out on your ear.
I am not gonna stick around for the punishment ... this could get kinda messy.
But, it has been really nice knowing you

 

[Shadowsdream]

PBW

Vanilla sex turns Me off, high on the yawn meter for Me. BDSM is My sexuallity.

sub on top? Doing his thing? Not in this lifetime! Over My dead body..uh huh that is the only time he will be OVER this body! ~~grin~~

Cuddling? All the time. There are lots of hugs and cuddles in this home...but even there My control comes through as My hands are always reassuring as they move on his body.

D/s is constant for Me. Even in the public vanilla moments My control is evident at the very least in My eyes and the touch of My hand.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Ebony X files

1) Do you feel that BDSM is your sexuality? Or is it a totally separate experience for you?

My sexuality is separate. I can do both. D/s or non D/s. I like to fuck. Enuf said. I have two subs, one has some sexual elements put no intercourse, the other has no limits.

2) If it is separate, is your sex life vanilla?


I do not know any non-kinky men. They are non BDSM men, but they are very adventurous. so as for vanilla; for me the phrase means they are not in the lifestyle.

Do you engage in straight sex?

No such thing in my book.


Is it with vanilla people or other people who keep BDSM separate from their sexuality (kindred spirits sort of).

Both!


3) For the people that are in TPE and/or 24/7 relationships... are there ever times where you are just in the mood for a good roll in the hay (i.e., a good hard fucking... lol). For example, do Domme's ever feel like letting their guard down and letting the male sub get on top?

I have no hang ups on what is done in bed. We engage in activities that are pleasing to us both. Most of the guys I am attracted to or date, will try almost anything at least once!


4) Does anyone ever have to go outside a relationship to find straight, vanilla sex?

I am not monogamous, and I make that clear in the very beginning. I believe in polymory.


5) Does the idea of straight vanilla sex totally turn anyone off?

Like I said before, what is that? Never heard of it!


6) Are there times when you just like to cuddle.

Yes and I do!

Eb

 

[SexyChele]

1) Do you feel that BDSM is your sexuality? Or is it a totally separate experience for you?

It is a part of my sexuality, but not all of it.

2) If it is separate, is your sex life vanilla? Do you engage in straight sex? Is it with vanilla people or other people who keep BDSM separate from their sexuality (kindred spirits sort of).

Okay, the answer to the first question is on the occasions when it is separate, I can enjoy vanilla sex or sex with a few kinks added in. "Straight" sex? Not sure what you mean here. I've been attracted to people who are both into BDSM and vanilla.

3) For the people that are in TPE and/or 24/7 relationships... are there ever times where you are just in the mood for a good roll in the hay (i.e., a good hard fucking... lol). For example, do Domme's ever feel like letting their guard down and letting the male sub get on top? Or for a male Dom, letting the female sub get up and ride to her hearts content without all the bondage/spankings/etc?

Would never be involved in TPE or 24/7, so this does not apply.


4) Does anyone ever have to go outside a relationship to find straight, vanilla sex?

It depends. If the relationship is monogamous, then I will not go outside of it. However, I do not expect, or want, my Dom to be "on" all the time. I like a mixture of things. If every encounter involved getting tied up or getting a spanking, that would eventually bore me so much, I would leave. While I do like those things, I also like 'nilla sex as well. I would say the ratio would be 60/40, in favor of BDSM.

5) Does the idea of straight vanilla sex totally turn anyone off?

No, not at all. In fact, there are times that I crave it. When I had a Dom, he would sometimes get so wound up in the whole bodage/discipline thing, that 'nilla sex was often left outside the bedroom door. This frustrated me to no end. If all a Dom does is whip, spank, control, etc, there is not enough variety to keep my interest. He must be willing to forego the elements of BDSM completely at times and just have soft, loving, beautiful love-making. Yeah, it's one of my "hard limits".

6) Are there times when you just like to cuddle.

Don't everybody? I think every human likes this - if not, I would be concerned!

 

[Ebonyfire]

sub on top? Doing his thing? Not in this lifetime! Over My dead body..uh huh that is the only time he will be OVER this body! ~~grin~~


Thank the Goddess I had put down my lemonade bottle and had already swallowed before I read this!

Or there would be major spewing!!!

Eb <whose subs do not get to be on top either!>

 

[P. B. Walker]

sub on top? Doing his thing? Not in this lifetime! Over My dead body..uh huh that is the only time he will be OVER this body! ~~grin~~


Thank the Goddess I had put down my lemonade bottle and had already swallowed before I read this!

Or there would be major spewing!!!

Eb <whose subs do not get to be on top either!>

Mmmm... ok how about a good rogering from behind? with a little hair pulling? LOL...

I am just teasing..

PBW "What's my name, biatch!"

 

[Ebonyfire]

Mmmm... ok how about a good rogering from behind? with a little hair pulling? LOL...

I am just teasing..

PBW "What's my name, biatch!"

LOL<

Eb

 

[Ebonyfire]

LOL, now my "vanilla" guy........lol

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

PBW

(Mmmm... ok how about a good rogering from behind? with a little hair pulling? LOL... )

Do you have enough hair for Me to pull when I am driving you from behind?

God I love that!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Mmmm... ok how about a good rogering from behind? with a little hair pulling? LOL...

I am just teasing..

PBW "What's my name, biatch!"

Pulling my hair, they are not even allowed to touch my hair, unless I have told them to wash it!

And the only time they see my ass is when it is about to sit on their face!
Eb

 

[P. B. Walker]

PBW

(Mmmm... ok how about a good rogering from behind? with a little hair pulling? LOL... )

Do you have enough hair for Me to pull when I am driving you from behind?

God I love that!

DOOOHHhhhh.. I walked into that one. I got some hair.. but not enough... I'm partial to keeping mine short. probably can't tell from my AV... with the hat and all. I should put up my "EVIL" AV... lol


PBW "Just hold me...please "

 

[Shadowsdream]

O I could tell but thought it might give you a reason to begin to grow it a little longer..you know..enough for a fist full!

 

[P. B. Walker]

O I could tell but thought it might give you a reason to begin to grow it a little longer..you know..enough for a fist full!

Mmmm I don't know... anybody else think I need to grow it out? No? nobody else thinks so lol.

PBW "Now I'm getting scared... if you pull out a butterfly board I'm outta here" LOL

 

[SexyChele]

Mmmm I don't know... anybody else think I need to grow it out? No? nobody else thinks so lol.

PBW "Now I'm getting scared... if you pull out a butterfly board I'm outta here" LOL

OMG! This is your "evil" AV?!?! You have the exact same eyes as my Dom did! Okay, I gotta start walkin' away now....

 

[P. B. Walker]

OMG! This is your "evil" AV?!?! You have the exact same eyes as my Dom did! Okay, I gotta start walkin' away now....

LOL... I call it my "prison" look

PBW "Hey sweet baby girl... want a candy bar?"

 

[Shadowsdream]

well for sure I see enough hair on the top of your head to get a grip...I have small fingers but damn are they strong!

So I guess it will have to be the mount ya with your head pulled to the sky...but at least there won't be any bars to peer through..just the occassional star!

 

[P. B. Walker]

well for sure I see enough hair on the top of your head to get a grip...I have small fingers but damn are they strong!

So I guess it will have to be the mount ya with your head pulled to the sky...but at least there won't be any bars to peer through..just the occassional star!

Uh oh.. I think you might be serious... You wouldn't do that to a little virgin like me would ya?

PBW "Kenny? Oh no, they killed kenny! Bastards!"

 

[Shadowsdream]

PBW

Virgins can only be taken once....the second time will be the best but of course that damn virginity must be popped to get to the good stuff don't ya think?

 

[Verypowerful]

I'm sure this topic has been at least brought up in this forum, but I thought it might be interesting to touch on again.

Many have stated that their sexuality is completely separate from their BDSM play. They still need and want both, but the two do not mix. At the other end of the spectrum, there are people that have both of them interwined to the point that you can't tell were the sexuality begins and the BDSM stops.

I was wondering where people fall in this spectrum.

1) Do you feel that BDSM is your sexuality? Or is it a totally separate experience for you?

I am a Domme always, just showing different facets in different settings (work place, at home, with friends).

2) If it is separate, is your sex life vanilla? Do you engage in straight sex? Is it with vanilla people or other people who keep BDSM separate from their sexuality (kindred spirits sort of).

See above...Straight sex; noooo

3) For the people that are in TPE and/or 24/7 relationships... are there ever times where you are just in the mood for a good roll in the hay (i.e., a good hard fucking... lol). For example, do Domme's ever feel like letting their guard down and letting the male sub get on top? Or for a male Dom, letting the female sub get up and ride to her hearts content without all the bondage/spankings/etc?

Even though a TPE situation can sometimes be demanding it is then that I live to the fullest. The expression "letting my guard down" would never apply to that context.

4) Does anyone ever have to go outside a relationship to find straight, vanilla sex?

??? WHY?! *grin*

5) Does the idea of straight vanilla sex totally turn anyone off?

Yes

6) Are there times when you just like to cuddle.

Sure and I do. My way.

VP

 

[P. B. Walker]

PBW

Virgins can only be taken once....the second time will be the best but of course that damn virginity must be popped to get to the good stuff don't ya think?

mmm I don't know... it could also be like a fine wine... better to let it sit many years... hehehe or a fine scotch...

why pop something so sweet and pure and innocent? <winks>

PBW "Someone get the hip wadders, it's getting deep in here from all PBW's BS"

 

[Daddyslilpet]

1) Do you feel that BDSM is your sexuality? Or is it a totally separate experience for you?

I know I am a submissive. As for if BDSM IS my sexuality, I'm not sure....still learning and growing.

(2)If it is separate, is your sex life vanilla? Do you engage in straight sex? Is it with vanilla people or other people who keep BDSM separate from their sexuality (kindred spirits sort of).

No my sex life is definately NOT vanilla. On extremely rare occasions we do engage in "straight" sex, but even then I wouldn't classify it as vanilla sex.

(3)For the people that are in TPE and/or 24/7 relationships... are there ever times where you are just in the mood for a good roll in the hay (i.e., a good hard fucking... lol). For example, Or for a male Dom, letting the female sub get up and ride to her hearts content without all the bondage/spankings/etc?

I'd have to say yes, this is something we do on occassion. However, as I stated above its anything but vanilla.

4) Does anyone ever have to go outside a relationship to find straight, vanilla sex?

No. As I've shared hundreds of times I am married to my Master, we don't either of us go outside our relationship for sex of any kind.

5) Does the idea of straight vanilla sex totally turn anyone off?

I don't think I'd call it a turn off, but its not necessarily a turn on either.

6) Are there times when you just like to cuddle.

ALWAYS, and especially after we've played hard.


dixi


ps. PBW.....love the new av, Very nice.

 

[P. B. Walker]

Re: Re: BDSM and Sexuality

ps. PBW.....love the new av, Very nice.

Thanks... it's actually a very old pic. About 6 years old.

PBW "It's Mastubation time... weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

 

[artful]

Response

1) Do you feel that BDSM is your sexuality? Or is it a totally separate experience for you?

Control is what I seek.

2)-A) If it is separate, is your sex life vanilla?

Nope


2)-B)Do you engage in straight sex?

Nope

2)-C)Is it with vanilla people or other people who keep BDSM separate from their sexuality (kindred spirits sort of).

(see above)

3) For the people that are in TPE and/or 24/7 relationships... are there ever times where you are just in the mood for a good roll in the hay (i.e., a good hard fucking... lol). For example, do Domme's ever feel like letting their guard down and letting the male sub get on top? Or for a male Dom, letting the female sub get up and ride to her hearts content without all the bondage/spankings/etc?

(see above)

4) Does anyone ever have to go outside a relationship to find straight, vanilla sex?

(see above)

5) Does the idea of straight vanilla sex totally turn anyone off?

(no,...but watching a porno movie doesn't totally turn me off either-Well,...SOME of them do-LMAO)

6) Are there times when you just like to cuddle.

I love to cuddle my sub