BBW Story would anyone like to read and edit my first chapter?

big_heart_nerd

Lantern-Kyle
Joined
May 24, 2011
Posts
2,299
The B.I.G. Curse
Main character: the lucky guy Name Kyle a shallow skinny chaser, hated large women until the witch cursed him to only have big beautiful women horny for him. I mean really horny, somehow the witch made a curse that would make any large woman to fuck him at any cost. And made him almost invisible to skinny chicks
Best friend: Freddy intelligent, pure logic friend, he is a shy virgin, that any woman finds cute.
(All female characters have the same personality as their models)
Characters: Woman at the bus stop (AKA Witch): based off model Desiree Devine
Mary based off model Maria Moore (fun and bubbly)
Sammy based off model Samantha Anderson (AKA Samantha 38 G) (more dominate but humorous and Texan)
Suzie based off model Sapphire (BBW. Model) (MILF, more flirtatious, more passionate)
Bonnie based off model Bunny De Da Cruz
Carmen based off Carmella Bing (the new BBW Carmella, so hot now, sensual, sexual, and was into anal)
Britney based off model Brandy Taylor (bubbly, humorous, fun)
Teresa based off model Teri Nova (cute and sexy, more to the point and more passionate)
Ginny Based off Gianna Michaels (dominate, Aggressive, sexy, forceful, fun, funny, humorous)
(By the way all these women are in the BBW category, don’t ask me why)
(More to “come” in part 2)
Waking up in the morning I turn over see my girlfriend of the week, just the way I like them. I see her blond hair running down her shoulder blades that stick out sexily, I run my hand down to her hard boney waist and grope her flat bottom. She wakes and turns to see me next to her and scuffs, “what?” I asked curiously. She stood and pulled her panties on her small hips “I’m just surprised your still next to me and not trying to get a morning fuck.” She cover’s her torso with a tube top that looks like it was made to fit a twelve year old. Bitchy just the way I like them, it makes things spicier, although I knew she was going to leave today. “Oh you remind me I got horrible morning wood.” I throw the covers off and let my hard nine inch member take a breather. She groans and pulls up her mini skirt “god all you think about is fucking, and believe me I love how big you are but I swear more blood is going their than to your brain.” I chuckle at her comment, “come on you love it admit it that you want this big cock to split you in half.” I stroke my thick member slowly but she was not pleased with me. “You know what I don’t love is that you fuck anything that moves, every skinny slut you see, and the only reason that I let you fuck me because it was fun.” She sighs, now she was getting into the serious mood. “I’m sorry Kyle it’s just I want a serious relationship now, one that I can fuck and love at the same time.” She patted my head sympathetically, “you’ll find someone else, you always do, have fun ok, and you’re just not the one for me.” She walked out the door and I hear her car drive off, I sigh and roll onto my back staring at the poster of a thin Rene. Well off to find another slut to fuck for three more days, I rolled my eyes and got dressed.
I got used to the pattern, find a drunken sex hungry, skinny bitch and fuck the bitch out of them. They get tired that I never jerk off and always want sex, and they find someone else. I toss the bitch’s phone number away, my basket full now. I finish my morning routine and walk out into the new world, got to find my next lay. My morning wood still cancelled in my jeans. I never jerk off, never when I can find a skinny pussy to release myself in. As I stopped at the bus stop and sat down, a woman sat down next to me, a large woman her cleavage spilling out of her shirt and her belly bulge out. I almost gagged, I hate big women, they have so many rolls and so blubbery. But I composed myself until she smiled at me and glanced up and down my body. I shudder; unlike the girls I fuck I am chunky and hairy. Not many girls sober would get in bed with me until they saw the size of my cock. And, now a large woman is checking me out, I swear I’m a reverse chubby chaser. Big women usually check me out but I pay no matter to them. Now she’s checking out my morning wood in my jeans. “Did you have a rough morning?” She smirked as she asked almost licking her lips. “Yeah I guess” I shrugged as I replied the most casual way I can. “Do you have girl problems?” She asked as she bit her lip now; please let the bus come soon. “No they seem to have a problem with me.” I answer back looking forward still, but in the corner of my eye she turns towards me and squeezes her cleavage together more. “Well you don’t seem to be too small.” Her hand rubs up my thigh and I push her hand away. “I know I am not, everyone just seems to want a different relationship.” Now she giggles and scooted towards me her thick thigh pressing against mine now her hand on my shoulder. She leans in and whispers into my ear, “I just want to find a guy to fuck my brains out.” She breaths into my ear purposely and put her hand on my bulge. I jump up and push her away, “Wow back off Shamoo, and I’m not into that short of stuff.” I brush my cloths to get the smell of her off of me. “Excuse me? Did you call me Shamoo?” She stood shorter than me but was three times my weight. “Also by the sight of your morning wood I can tell you are into fucking.” I stammer and stepped back but also stood my pride out. “I am into fucking but not whales’ missy.” Crap why did I say that I could just walk away why did I have to poke fun. “Whale? You think I’m a whale? I was offering you a good fuck between these titties and let you cum in my pussy, but a whale am I?” She took a step forward as I took a step back and that’s when I lost my balance.
Falling backwards as the bus is getting closer now I almost see my life flash before my eyes. Then I feel hands on my shirt and two soft pillows in my face, I was being smothered now I was going to die. Then I feel fresh air fill my lungs and opened my eyes to be face to face of the woman’s large cleavage that acted like air bags. Then she brought my eyes to her bright blue eyes “Are you ok?” She asked and I nodded. “Good than I can give you this.” She pulled me tightly to her and kissed me hard on my lips then grabbed my package hard squeezing hard and I almost screamed out but she let go and pushed me away. “When you get a taste of real women come and find me if you can and I will give you a release.” She smirked and got on the bus before I could and tapped the bus driver to drive off. I shook my head I had no idea what just happened but when I open my eyes a different bus driver was in front of me. “Are you going to get in?” He asked I nodded and walked into the bus and looked around but saw no sight of the woman who molested me. I sat and waited till the bus stopped two blocks away from my favorite bar. I stepped out and went into the bar and smiled at the bar tender “Same drink for me bill.” I sat down and took the white Russian, almost drowned in it when a woman sat down to me. Her long brown hair ran down her shoulder and to her large breasts. The biggest pair I have seen if I was into big hooters she would be on my “Must fuck list.” However I am not and go back to my drink. “Whoa slow down you don’t want to drown.” The brown haired woman giggled as she watched me. I coughed and drank some water bill offered me, I looked at her and noticed she was a large woman and sighed. I just got up and looked around and found the skinniest bitch I could find. I saw the blond slut and walked over to her table and sat down next to her. “Excuse me I can’t help but notice how sexy you are from where I was.” I smirked and handed her my drink but she pushed it away and kept talking to her friend. I have never been turned down by any skinny bitch I usually get a “fuck off” but they never say no to a drink. “Do you want a different drink then?” I grinned but got no reply, okay maybe this wasn’t my day. I walked back to the back and ordered a second white Russian, and the same brown haired woman sat next to me. “Having a rough day their mister?” she asked and I sighed once more, why me God why me? However I replied like a gentleman, “Yeah, girl left me, almost got killed by a bus and a heavy woman was trying to get into my pants earlier.” Hoping she got the message at the last part I drank my drink, however she did not leave. “I can see why your; sexy, manly, muscular but soft at the same time.” She put her hand on my thigh and I pushed it away. She licked her lips and glanced at my bulge, once I’m hard it won’t go away till I release. “Please Ma’am, I’m trying to be nice but you’re not my type.” I said sternly, but she just pouted in a silly way then giggled. “How do you know I am not, you don’t even know my name.” She sucked on the straw with purpose and winked at me. “Ok I’ll bite what is your name?” I still look to my next drink, “My name is Mary and what is your name? So I know what to say when I orgasm tonight?” She giggled and offered her hand, I lazily shook her hand. “Kyle and I am sorry you’ll have to orgasm alone then.” I drank my next drink now getting drunk, she rubbed my thumb and bit her lip. “What makes you say that Kyle, you may be with me?” I tugged my hand away. “Because I told you, you are not my type.” I almost fell over in the stool, as she giggled. “You haven’t even looked at me yet, and you haven’t seen me naked.” She put her hand on my shoulder and thigh once more and whispered into my ear. “And once I suck you and once I am riding you, I don’t think you’ll mind one bit how I look.” She chuckled and kissed my ear.
What is going on why is it that I haven’t run away yet; and how come I am letting Mary’s hand rest on my cock? Is she turning me on? She must be but I’m not into big women. My cock must be desperate so what the hell once won’t kill me. I Turn towards her and looked at her bright green eyes looking right back at me. I let my eyes glance at her tits contained in a red tank top and glancing at her wide large ass in a black skirt. I go back to her olive tan color face and look at her in a bored way. “Ok how about this, I’ll take you home, you will get naked so I can check you out, and I’ll let you blow me.” She almost jumped up in joy and I felt my jeans being unzipped but I kept her down. “However if I don’t like how you look, I will only cum on you or in your mouth, and if I like what I see I’ll give you a fucking you won’t forget.” I needed to get rid of my hard on in some way. Mary bit her lip with a wide smile she kissed me deeply and pulled me up, “you got a deal Kyle, but also if I get to fuck you, I get your phone number and you will be my personal booty call.” I groan but sigh, too drunk to argue. “Deal I guess” I huffed as I followed to her car and gave her directions. Mary seemed giddy almost in joy and extremely horny. She let me lead her to my apartment, but once I was in she started to smother me in kisses unzipping my jeans once more. “Whoa easy, I said once I see you naked I’ll take my cock out.” She giggled and pushed my down on my queen sized bed; I sighed and sat at the edge. I hope she does not break my bed, I watched as she took off her red tank top smirking and giggling. She wore a red strapless push up bra under the shirt and my jaw almost dropped as I looked at the largest pair of breasts I have ever seen. Tan and full over filling the bra cups my cock begged to jump out. Poor peter he must be desperate, however I have never seen large breasts. “How big are those?” I asked as I pointed to her tits jiggling as she laughed. “They are 44FF, why do you like them?” Mary fondled and squeezed her own tits leaning forward to show me how long her cleavage runs. Like the Nile it starts out at the bottom and splits at the top. “Well I never have seen big tits before.” I shifted where I was sitting. “Well, let me show you, your first big pair of melons that you will love.” She chuckled as she unhooked her bra and threw it off letting her hangers fall out. And hangers they were, her large breasts hanged to right above her round belly. Her belly round and the bottom of it was covered by her black skirt, “Can I keep my skirt on sometimes I like to fuck while it’s on makes me feel like a little girl fucking a man.” I stammer as I catch my voice “Umm sure I guess so.” I replied as she took off her red thong and turned around and bent over showing her wide round large ass. Her hairy clam wet already and screamed “I need cock”, my cock jumped in reply. But I kept my composure, and just tried to go through the motions. I unbuttoned my jeans and dropped my pants and boxers. Mary looked through her legs and grinned widely, “Oh goody you want to fuck me already.” She turned around after fixing herself back up and hiked her skirt up more showing her hairy pussy. “No first a blow job Mary do you remember our deal?” I stammered and cleared my throat sweating now. Mary pouted but smiled “As long I can tit fuck you to cumming.” She grinned and walked towards me still wearing black heals. “Sure as long as you leave when I ask you to.” I replied.
Mary got to her knees and took my engorged member into her hands and began to lick the head of it. I shudder and gasp, not many girls I been with go straight for the BJ. Mary smirked and giggled as she took the head of my nine inch member into her mouth sucking on it lightly moaning in her throat. Not only is Mary good at blow jobs but she seems to enjoy giving them as much as I love getting them. She moans deeper as she takes my cock deeper into her mouth, I feel her tongue rub and massage against the bottom of shaft; I groan and arch my back. The pleasure was amazing I never met a girl that love blow jobs this much. She gagged but didn’t stop slurping onto my large cock hitting against her throat. I shudder and pre-cum already leaked out onto her tongue. She sucked out my juice and licks my piss slit to get more of the taste out. I groan and grasp her hair, ok I have to fuck pussy now; I don’t care if she’s fat I need pussy. “I have to fuck you Mary I can’t take it I need pussy.” I gasped and groaned; she licked her lips and grinned widely. “Okay Kyle I’ll fuck your brains out and you can fuck me silly, but remember our deal after this I get your big cock any time then.” She pushed me down and straddles my waist and I felt those wet lips rub against my shaft. “Okay, I know let us get this over with so I can cum.” She pouted but griped my cock and guided it into her hungry pussy. “You may be an asshole but I don’t give a fuck you got a huge cock to fuck.” She pushed down engulfing my cock all the way to the root. I gasped out my hands naturally go to her wide hips and groaned deeply. Mary was so tight for large woman, my thoughts of fat women have loose pussies were wrong. “You like that pussy don’t you; I love men that are easy.” She grinned and put her hands on my hairy chest and began to rise up slowly and sat back down gently. “They think with their cocks, and cocks don’t care if the girl is skinny or fat they just want pussy.” Mary bent down and kissed me hungrily and I replied as hungry I begin to thrust up into her curvaceous body. She hiked and let out a squeak of a moan as she smiled and moaned in joy. “Oh yes I love it when a man fucks back and not just lays there.” She chuckled and pushed my hands to her FF tits bouncing around she arched her back as she began to ride me faster with my thrusts increasing also. Mary laughs as she looks at my poster “oh you need a new poster with a real woman Hon.” She pants as she rides harder and faster on my throbbing cock. Our pants and moans increase and become louder, we echo each other as I sweat and fondle her tits now joyfully. I squeeze her ass with lust as I roll on top of her and began to pound into her luscious body. Mary’s body jiggled and bounced with my thrusts, I stop and she panted and looked at me disappointed way. “What is wrong why are you stopping?” Mary whined and griped around my shoulders looking at me with pouty lips. I pant and sweat as I answer “If I keep going I’ll cum.” I panted then she smiled widely. “Oh is that all really I thought you didn’t want to fuck me anymore.” She giggled then pushed her tits together. “Here cum on my tits it turns me on so much, you can make me cum by covering them with your jizz.” She licked her lips and I obeyed pulling out slowly. I position over her chest and began to jerk myself I tried to think of skinny chicks as I do. Flat chest, flat asses’ boney hips but nothing was working. Then I looked down at Mary she was playing with her tits jiggling them lightly rubbing her nipples along my cock. I felt my heart pound and felt the tightness in my balls, “Oh god yes I’m going to cum Mary!” I moaned loudly and she moaned with me. “Oh yes cum on my big titties cover them with your hot sticky cum, come on baby CUM!” With her last moan and coax I obeyed covering her huge melons with my hot jizz. Stream after stream of semen cover her round hangers and along her belly, some hit her face. Mary didn’t mind one bit, actually she shook and moaned as she orgasm with me. I pant and smiled then flopped onto my bed passed out.
 
SR your best bet

Reallly think you need to PM SR on this. He/she is the guru here. Pulls in high bucks editing stories that won't be posted here, but he/she blesses this forum with his/her presence frm time to time. If you're lucky.
 
Of course he/she probably won't be a help with the pregnant paragraphs. That suits him/her.
 
@AS Naughty, naughty.

@big_heart_nerd

At first glance:-
Paragraphs far to long
Check homophones (eg their/there, griped/gripped)
Punctuation inconsistent
Don't mix present and past tense
 
hi
are you still looking for an editor?

i have just submitted my VE profile so you may not be able to see it just yet.

i have read through what you have written and i do like it but it will need rewriting
(paragraphs?)

let me know if you would like me to have a bash at it
 
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