Bare bones

[Ange1icflowers]

Just wrote this. I suck at the editing. I have no idea how to turn this from my passionate words to something worthwhile. Please help. Willing to add/subtract etc. just trying to get from step 1 on

Simply an inconvenience


I came too late in one person's life
I came to early in another's life
Both were inconvenient times

I got pregnant too soon the first time
I took too long to get pregnant the second time
The third time I didn't even mean to get pregnant
All were inconvenient times

I delivered too soon with my second and third child
Both were inconvenient times


I get sick at inconvenient times
I need compassion at inconvenient times
I crave attention at inconvenient times
I need love at inconvenient times
I fall in love at inconvenient times
I crave sex at inconvenient times
I need comforting at inconvenient times
I want to share joy at inconvenient times
Everything I do is at an inconvenient time.
Which leads me to think that I am simply an inconvenience.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

The idea is good but you have far too many 'I' and 'inconvenient times' We got the gist of that from the third line, no need to keep repeating it ad nauseum.

 

[Ange1icflowers]

Got it.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Perhaps a different structure...


I
get sick
need compassion
crave attention
need love
fall in love
crave sex
need comforting
want to share joy
at an inconvenient time

Everything I do is at an inconvenient time;
Am I simply an inconvenience?



(and just a small or large change at the end).

 

[Piscator]

Just wrote this. I suck at the editing. I have no idea how to turn this from my passionate words to something worthwhile. Please help. Willing to add/subtract etc. just trying to get from step 1 on

Simply an inconvenience


I came too late in one person's life
I came to early in another's life
Both were inconvenient times

I got pregnant too soon the first time
I took too long to get pregnant the second time
The third time I didn't even mean to get pregnant
All were inconvenient times

I delivered too soon with my second and third child
Both were inconvenient times


I get sick at inconvenient times
I need compassion at inconvenient times
I crave attention at inconvenient times
I need love at inconvenient times
I fall in love at inconvenient times
I crave sex at inconvenient times
I need comforting at inconvenient times
I want to share joy at inconvenient times
Everything I do is at an inconvenient time.
Which leads me to think that I am simply an inconvenience.

I like your poem. Perhaps because I like repetition, I don't entirely agree with UYS's comments. However, I would move around and take out some of the words. The periods at the end of only the last two lines are inconsistent with those above. I'd also remove the-third stanza, although interesting it seems to restrict the flow of your poem. My quick edits follows

Inconvenient


I came too late in one person's life
I came to early in another's life
Both were inconvenient

The first time, I got pregnant too soon
The second time, I took too long to get pregnant
The third time I didn't even mean to get pregnant
All were inconvenient

I get sick at inconvenient times
I need compassion at inconvenient times
I crave attention at inconvenient times
I need love at inconvenient times
I fall in love at inconvenient times
I crave sex at inconvenient times
I need comforting at inconvenient times
I want to share joy at inconvenient times
Perhaps, I'm simply inconvenient

 

[Magnetron]

I think it would be more substantial if you elaborated with experiences.

before

I get sick at inconvenient times

after

Four shots of Jack Daniels later, I threw up in my mouth just as we kissed

before

I crave sex at inconvenient times

after

Yeah, Uncle Frank's funeral was sad, but the empty casket in the next room begged for a wet spot.

This way the reader has no idea where the poem is heading until perhaps towards the end.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

It's your poem and if you like it as it is, never change it for anyone, or you make it theirs not yours. If it was mine it would look more like this ...


I came too late in one person's life
too early in another's,
both were inconvenient times

Pregnant too soon the first time,
took too long the next,
then I didn't even mean it to happen at all.
Delivered too soon my second and third.
Both were inconvenient times


I get sick, need compassion,
crave attention at inconvenient times.
Need love, fall in love
crave sex, need comforting, want to share joy
at inconvenient times.
Everything I do is inconvenient.

Which leads me to think
I'm simply an inconvenience.