Baker's Dozen feedback, please

[Walin]

Just that. Looking for feedback on my story, Baker's Dozen. Two chapters in so far.

http://www.literotica.com/s/bakers-dozen-1

http://www.literotica.com/s/bakers-dozen-ch-02

Wondering what could be done better in these. Tips and suggestions of all sort welcomed.

 

[Metamorphose]

It was a good read, compared to most stories around here. I like the urban legend theme at first, but you overdid it in the 2nd chapter. My suggestion, Let go of the gods, go human.
I liked the effort you made on fresh metaphors instead of going for the banal cliches

The bad:
Everything was way too easy for your guy. People dont pay to see Muhammad Ali go against a Woody Allen type or the NY Giants go against some guys from the block or 007 go against a shoplifter. A hero needs an opposition just as bad ass (preferably more). Don't make life so easy for your guy. Readers want to see him suffer, get mixed in trouble, fall on his ass and only solve problems when there is always a new challenge, much bigget than the last, on the horizon.
All in all, a good job

 

[lazyhobo]

I know that one person believed that having the Villain be Cooler than the Hero was a great bonus.