Bad Random Life Tips.

[Deleted member 1306910]

Be like Nevyn_Black in any way at all.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you find yourself going over budget constantly, increase the budget.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can add flexibility to any body part using a hammer.

 

[Trubbycat]

Women love a good sense of humor. Walk up to a pretty woman, squeeze her boob in one hand and honk a clown horn in the other.

 

[mnbreastluver]

See somebody in the office who looks like they're having a rough day? Walk up to them, give them a good solid slap on the back, and say "working hard or hardly working?" Your humour and upbeat attitude are sure to perk them up.

 

[Btq97]

If you are cold set fire to your neighbours house

 

[lilmissdarling]

Google - Sunflower Sour Tour

 

[VoraciousValue]

This Christmas, sit seductively on Santa's lap and tell him what you really want!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your friend gets their house washed away by a flood, hit em with the ol' "April showers bring May flowers" to cheer them up!

 

[VoraciousValue]

Go to a NASCAR race, show your bare bum to everyone, and call it a "redneck greeting."

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are a surgeon, ensure all outpatients leave without verbal complaints by removing their vocal cords.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are stranded and in need of water, follow the fish to a water source.

 

[stickygirl]

Struggling with pronoun etiquette? Substitute 'cunt' for him/her to avoid embarrassment

 

[mnbreastluver]

Can't afford condoms? Just use aluminum foil and a rubber band.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Can't afford condoms? Just use aluminum foil and a rubber band.

I thought you were supposed to use Saran Wrap?

 

[VoraciousValue]

Pretend that your penis is a longwave transmitter that connects to aliens in outer space.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to save 10-20% while eating out? Just don't tip your waiter!

 

[mnbreastluver]

To add some spice in the bedroom use Frank's Red Hot ... You can put that shit on anything.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you find yourself short on parking money, look for a nearby car with a parking violation and place it on your own windshield. The other guy won't pay his ticket and you won't get one!

 

[Btq97]

They do say bar snacks have 7 different types of urine. So remember to factor that in to your salt intake level

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are in a desert survival situation where you are dying of thirst, put out a large container filled with frozen margarita; the condensation on the outside of the container will be drinkable water.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you see a company with predatory business practices, buy its stock so you can also profit from it

Now you can be financially and morally bankrupt.

 

[VoraciousValue]

When you test drive a car, drive it two states away to see how it does away from home.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you don’t like the sauce you use on your spaghetti, just put it in your washer on the delicate cycle to clean it off.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you can’t find a bathroom get hit by a car. Most life threatening injuries require a catheter.