Bad Random Life Tips.

[DeckardNYC]

If you jump from the second story, you'll crush your spine and get disability and won't have to work ever again.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Feed your chickens copious amounts of every color food coloring now to save yourself the hassle this Easter.

 

[fisherfella]

When in doubt add double the amount of fish food to your aquariums..

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

I have a new sports betting idea…fish fighting!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Being bugged by “get your little blue pill” or “enlarge your penis” emails? Simply set up an auto-response with your credit card details so you don’t have to fill in the forms each time.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of always getting annoying emails from your Boss or mindless coworkers? Just reply "UNSUBSCRIBE".

 

[St_Raphael]

Vicks VapouRub makes a fine alternative to KY Jelly as anal lube.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Commit all your crimes at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting

Members aren't allowed to say who attends their meetings so you will forever be anonymous.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Stay home at night and don't meet new people, you will just have to buy them birthday presents later.

Use the money you will save to invest in cryptocurrency!

 

[VoraciousValue]

For good health, drink a cocktail of bloody mary mix, vodka, and Pepto-Bismol every morning. It'll keep you cleared out.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your wife/girlfriend starts playing dirty to win an argument, do the same thing to her. "I am rubber, you are glue" is a guaranteed strategy to improve communication in relationships.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are driving towards a traffic merger and forgot the etiquette or rules, stop where you are and turn around immediately to avoid embarrassing yourself.

 

[Btq97]

The internet is full of helpful advice from well meaning balanced individuals and organisations - so it is safe to believe everything you read.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you feel too hot in the USA today, change your thermometers to celsius.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Throw away your to do list and have the time to do nothing.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to go to the gym but not pay for a membership, go inside anyway. Being chased by the staff when they try to physically remove you is great cardio!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you don't want a DUI, practice by driving drunk every day

I've actually heard old timers tell me that the people who get away with it are just loaded 24/7 for decades

 

[VoraciousValue]

If you don't want a DUI, practice by driving drunk every day

I've actually heard old timers tell me that the people who get away with it are just loaded 24/7 for decades

My Dad talks about how cops used to not bother you for drunk driving. They checked that you hadn't killed anyone immediately before that, but they usually let you go. My Dad did that many times when he was younger.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When leaving a hotel room, set the alarm clock to 4AM to ensure the next person wakes up on time.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Lie about your salary to your co-workers, use a large but realistic number. They're probably aSS holes and this will annoy them. If they quit, You’re more valuable to the company and can ask for a raise. You already know your company is shitty, make it work to your advantage.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are spending Easter alone, buy and hide some eggs. Then take a massive dose of Rohypnol so you forget where you hid them!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to know if someone is checking you out; just look away and yawn. If they were, they'll be yawning too.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Go up to women with large breasts, point at their chest, and say, "Boobies!"

 

[VoraciousValue]

Looking for that ultimate adrenaline rush? Take a bear cub away from its mother and then run for your life!

 

[VoraciousValue]

If you are spending Easter alone, buy and hide some eggs. Then take a massive dose of Rohypnol so you forget where you hid them!

That was like George Carlin's suggestion about when to go shopping.

"The best time to go to the supermarket is when you haven't eaten, for awhile. Couple of days. Work up a good ol appetite. Then smoke eight joints and take $500 and GO TO THE SUPERMARKET!!!!"