Bad Random Life Tips.

[ydahecnot]

Your significant other knows best what turns you on. Let them meet your fuck buddy, to give them the satisfaction of passing along knowledge.

 

[Crankbait88]

If a machine keeps beeping and showing erratic lines, call IT support.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?" they'll probably ask.

Do it.

Then tell them that, if anything, it's made it worse.

"Now the patient has stopped breathing altogether", you should reply.

That'll teach IT support for not giving you the personalised treatment you deserve.

Perfect.

 

[HotBrand]

You can't have your cake and eat it.

Instead, starve to death, surrounded by your cake.

 

[HotBrand]

They say being blind means the other senses are heightened and more than compensate.

Remove your eyes, nose, ears, and hands.

Your sense of taste will become a superpower.

 

[Cate_Archer]

Roadkill is the best for BBQ. Especially on hot days.

 

[JerseyJade]

Want your guy's dick to be bigger? The next time his dick is in your hand, keep pulling on it really hard until it gets to the size you want it to be.

 

[HotBrand]

Tackle any zookeeper that attempts to feed the animals in the zoo.

It clearly says "Do not feed the animals."

 

[jasonmason]

Take all of your 401K out and buy lottery tickets with it.

 

[Punkrockchick]

Your significant other complains about the lack of excitement in the bedroom? Two words: Bed Bugs

 

[ydahecnot]

Want to spice up your chastity cage play? Throw your man in the big cats cage at the zoo. You know he won’t be cumming

 

[HotBrand]

Show the world how big of a lover you are.

Indecently expose yourself to the public.

 

[HotBrand]

Change your first name to "Fire".

Break glass all the time.

It's your right, after all.

https://i.imgur.com/WnJhOUum.png

 

[HotBrand]

Impress your future wife by telling her you're into pegging.

Invite her back to your place after the first date to let her take part in an example of pegging.

Bask in her admiration as you watch her hang up all of your washed laundry on the clothesline.

She'll love you for your old-fashioned brand of misogyny.

#peggingmeanspegging

 

[Mattentive]

Impress your future wife by telling her you're into pegging.

Invite her back to your place after the first date to let her take part in an example of pegging.

Bask in her admiration as you watch her hang up all of your washed laundry on the clothesline.

She'll love you for your old-fashioned brand of misogyny.

#peggingmeanspegging

Then tell her you like Japanese bondage, and she'll always put your seatbelt on for you in her Corolla.

 

[HotBrand]

Want a truly tiring sexual experience?

Fuck a car.

It'll leave your cock exhausted.

 

[HotBrand]

Look, flammable and inflammable are very different things.

Flammable means "catches fire". Inflammable means "doesn't catch fire".

I mean, what's the opposite of "vulnerable"? Invulnerable.

Next time you see a house on fire, become invulnerable by pouring inflammable diesel over your body, then charge in like the inflammable hero you are.

 

[HotBrand]

Teach a parrot to say "I DID IT!" as loudly as possible.

Rob a bank and leave the parrot behind.

The police won't come looking for you if the bird's already confessed.

 

[LizVegas79]

If you're ever arguing with a Latina about something and she starts raising her voice and speaking really fast about other things that you don't think are related (trust me, they are), just say to her, "Calm down."

It works like magic every single time I promise.

 

[ShaneoD]

If you're ever arguing with a Latina about something and she starts raising her voice and speaking really fast about other things that you don't think are related (trust me, they are), just say to her, "Calm down."

It works like magic every single time I promise.

I knew this meme was inaccurate lol

https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/e8h586/calm_down/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

 

[HotBrand]

Have you ever tried getting to the front of a line or queue but people won't move?

You have to actually SKIP as you move past them.

That's why it's called "skipping" the queue.

Clue's in the phrase, people.

 

[stickygirl]

Shitting on your bf's dick is a good way to tell if he's really into anal or faking

 

[HotBrand]

Shitting on your bf's dick is a good way to tell if he's really into anal or faking

I missed you posting here!!

Ever seen the beautiful, blue liquid inside a Magic 8 Ball?

Crack that bad boy open and drink it.

It tastes like bubblegum.

 

[Crankbait88]

If you are hosting a dinner party, and one of your guests tells you they are allergic to seafood, make sure you sneak some into one of the dishes to make sure they aren't lying to you.

 

[HotBrand]

Remember: if your partner cheats on you with another person, that's not necessarily a trend.

Build your evidence by hiring random attractive people to seduce your partner.

If your partner sleeps with ... say ... 6-8 of them, you can probably now confirm your relationship has some issues.

 

[HotBrand]

Has your lover told you that they love a bit of push back during anal sex?

Eat a vindaloo and take two laxatives.

That'll give 'em the push back they want.