Bad Random Life Tips.

[solardays]

Semen makes an excellent facial mask as it unclogs pores and softens the skin. I recommend application every night before bedtime.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Does it itch after shaving your pubes? Just use sandpaper to round off the hairs.

 

[stickygirl]

If it's really cold weather and there's power cuts, tell your friends and neighbours you're off to Mexico for a week or two. They'll be overjoyed at your good planning.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Send your significant other a dick pick, but, of someone else's dick. Unless they recognize it's not yours pretty damn fast, they are cheating on you, or have seen way too many dicks.

 

[mnbreastluver]

No idea what career path to take? Ask a careers advisor about a career in career advising so that the career advisor inadvertently advises you on all possible careers available.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always tell girls you got a big dick. It will make them wonder and you'll at least get some over the pants action.

 

[DeckardNYC]

Junk yard dogs just need extra love. Jump that fence and show them someone cares.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Struggling to open plastic bags in the grocery store without licking your finger? Stick your hand in your pants and moisten your finger with ass sweat!

 

[VoraciousValue]

While being knighted by Queen Elizabeth, tell her she's got great tits for a woman who's getting on a bit.

No idea what career path to take? Ask a careers advisor about a career in career advising so that the career advisor inadvertently advises you on all possible careers available.

I've almost considered this. I've really struggled with finding a career path and career counselors just seem to live in a whole other world. I thought, these people can spread bullshit all day and get paid a lot of money. How can I get in on that??

 

[mnbreastluver]

Pop a wet sponge in the toaster to dry it out and get rid of that nasty, musty odor.

 

[stickygirl]

Save a fortune on foundation cosmetics with vinyl matt emulsion - it's even shower and wipe proof

 

[mnbreastluver]

Urine is pretty much sterile so if you pee on your hands you don’t have to wash them.

 

[solardays]

Most men are unable to ejaculate in your mouth during oral sex unless you squeeze their balls vigorously.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Rob a house in pajamas so you could pretend you’re the owner.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Drop by Dr. Ruth's house with a pitcher of sangria and hope for the best!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Convincing others of the dangers of vaccines increases your chances of getting your vaccines faster.

 

[SugarSpiceAndLace]

Definitely push the button that reads, "Danger! Do not push!"

 

[mnbreastluver]

There are usually shorter customer service hold times if you choose the Spanish option, so when you hear "for español, numero dos" save time by selecting it. Then, while waiting for the Spanish-speaking agent to pick up, learn to speak fluent Spanish.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Scared your girlfriend/boyfriend will leave you? Secretly apply nicotine patches to them after they fall asleep. They will become addicted to you and will suffer withdrawals if they ever try to leave you, which they will think is because they are in love.

 

[stickygirl]

Using a N95 mask on your dick will ensure only healthy sperm impregnate your SO

 

[mnbreastluver]

If a glass smashes and you want to be sure that you've cleaned up all the shards, take off your shoes and socks and walk around the room. If you feel a sharp pain in your foot, you've found a shard of glass.

 

[solardays]

Cats love having their tails brushed

 

[fungatorgurl101]

I have decided for safety on all standards just stretch that condom over both your nose and mouth and you will not only protect yourself from stds, covid and other fun things but you will also protect others from your survival.... Today's message has been brought to you by over dumb people, Inc.

 

[VoraciousValue]

In case of a sore throat, push an onion up your butt. More than that.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your going to rob bank swallow a lock pick set before hand.