Bad Random Life Tips.

[Violetvixen1]

Find a man in need of fixing, you need a project and you’ll end up with a man perfectly molded to your specifications.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Q-Tips are very bad for your ears. They push back wax and cause blockages. You should use a small, sharp object instead.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you turn the music way up while driving you can’t hear whats wrong with your car, therefore you don’t have to pay to get it fixed.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Stuck without a plunger for a clogged toilet? No problem! Just cup your hands for an improvised plunger replacement.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

All these extra leaves can be used for toilet paper in a pinch when/if things run out...again...

 

[mnbreastluver]

Having a hard time meeting new people? Shout any name of your choice into a crowd of people, and approach the first person who turns around. By the time they realize they don't actually know you, you'll already be well on your way to friendship.

 

[stickygirl]

Tampons are perfect if you have bad diarrhea

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are having trouble urinating stick a plastic straw up your dickhole.

 

[Guyblue82]

If someone gets stung by an insect, pee on it immediately

 

[mnbreastluver]

Posing for a sexy picture? Keep a bucket of poop just out of frame. The slight grimace of disgust will push your lips out for a sensuous pout.

 

[MrPractical]

Grab grandpa's nuts when he rings the doorbell for Thanksgiving dinner

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re walking down stairs with a baby and trip, Newton’s Law states that throwing the baby directly forward as hard as possible would counteract your forward velocity, saving you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Next time you piss someone off and they try to fight you, point to a random object laughing and say: “Dude, you’ve been pranked! See the camera?” When they smile and look away, run like hell.

 

[stickygirl]

Next time you need an intimate examination at the doctors, ask him to cam it on your phone to show your friends

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are intoxicated and get pulled over, get out of the car and chug a bottle of liquor before the cop gets out of the car. They can't prove if you got drunk before you started driving, or after you drank the liquor.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Accidentally murder some people but don't want take the fall? Buy a car at a police auction, head home and stuff the bodies in the trunk, then call the police and ask why there are bodies in the car you just bought from them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you forgot to bring your trash bins to their spot on Bin-pickup day, just swap em with your neighbors bins.

 

[stickygirl]

If your killed your neighbours cat, be sure to put it in the bin first and cover it with regular trash.

 

[fisherfella]

Why don't you hop that fence and go tell that bull why he doesn't need all those cows..

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you aren’t sure whether the special dressed person is attending a wedding or a funeral, there’s one umbrella statement that goes with both: “who’s the lucky one?”

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you keep an extra blanket at the foot of your bed, fold it accordion style. This makes it much easier to play it and have a polka in the middle of the night.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're often too lazy to wash the dishes after you eat, wash them before you eat instead. Always get the unpleasant tasks out of the way first.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get your neighbour's phone number! Now, everytime they annoy you or you're simply bored, ring them (anonymously of course) and terrify them with heavy breathing, giggling or by telling them personal details like their name and address!

 

[mnbreastluver]

The fastest and cheapest way to childproof your house is to wrap a thin layer of latex around your dick before sex.

 

[stickygirl]

If you suspect a child has swallowed a coin, get them to swallow some polystyrene pellets. The turd with the coin will float, making it easier to retrieve