Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you're driving while drunk always drive as fast as possible to reduce the amount of time you're on the road drunk therefore minimizing the chance of an accident.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Run out of contact solution? Just spray windex directly into your eyes. You don’t even have to remove your contacts! Save time and money!

 

[mnbreastluver]

How to be the funiest, smartest and the most handsome person in your group of friends: never make any friends.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Too much water when making rice? Just throw a couple iPhones in the pot to help absorb the excess.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can hide your dandruff by laying on the couch and eating potato chips off your shirt.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

If quarantine has you feeling lonely, fill a latex glove with warm water so you have “someone” to hold hands with.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Eat as much junk food as you want. With social distancing in place, who's coming over to see you?

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Encourage social distancing by eating loads of raw garlic, onions, sardines and not brushing your teeth.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

just before your next boring zoom meeting, rub red chili powder into your eyes to keep you awake and alert

 

[SexyLemon]

With so many people cooped up in their homes, there’s no better time to get your neighborhood together with a BBQ or movie night.

 

[stickygirl]

Give your cat a taste of your blood. That way, when you die in your house through social distancing, your cat will already be used to the taste of your face.

 

[Mr_Underground]

Muh fuckers so isolated and desperate they’re making omelettes outta hot dogs and french fries and that muh fucker is me.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Use FlexSeal to prevent your nudes from leaking.

 

[stickygirl]

Break a mirror into small pieces and swallow it. Any stray UV light will now be reflected inside your body and cure your covid.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The hops in your beer tend to settle at the bottom of the can after some time, so make sure to shake it vigorously right before you open it.

 

[WetBiMoose]

Next time someone sneezes in your presence...shank them. Let everyone else know what to expect if they even try it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Having a hard time in quarantine? Seclude yourself to a single room for 3 weeks. It makes any house seem like a mansion afterwards!

 

[stickygirl]

Gasoline won't burn, only the vapour will so you can impress your friends by demonstrating this with a lighted match

 

[mnbreastluver]

A good way to know whether your condom is intact during sex is to wear two with chilli powder in between. If the outer one breaks she will know and if the inner one breaks, you will know.

 

[stickygirl]

If you keep forgetting to take your contraceptive pill, take a week's supply each Monday morning. Hint It's safer to take a week than a month's, which can leave you feeling light headed

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't want to get up to turn your lights off? Don't pay your power bill and the elecric company will do it for you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want an easy score? Rob houses the weekend quarantine is lifted, no one will be home.

 

[holdingmyown11]

If you’re not sure if a gun is loaded, point a pen light down the barrel to see if you can see a bullet. Sometimes you have to bang the gun on a firm surface to see if you can detect any movement

 

[sally_sparrow]

To avoid putting your contact lenses in the wrong way, take a Sharpie and label them ‘L’ or ‘R’.

 

[stickygirl]

Gentlemen. Since coronavirus can be spread in semen, now is a good time to cut your Vas Deferens. It's no worse than having your ear pierced and you can use the same equipment.