Bad Random Life Tips.

[stickygirl]

Covid contact tracing is great way to see if your partner has been cheating on you

 

[Devlishone4fun]

"R" is for race on the gearshift, while you are driving down the road.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have a drug test and you're gonna end up positive, just get someone to fill a missing person report for as long as you need the drugs to leave your system.

 

[LLCox]

Running with scissors will keep you focused.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

The safest time to go to the beach is during shark week because all of the sharks will be on TV.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Make parties more interesting by telling strangers "I want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here."

 

[VoraciousValue]

When you go on vacation, make sure to take lots of souvenir photos of military bases on the way. Take only pictures, leave only footprints.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to get back on your feet miss 2 car payments.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Next time your laptop freezes, put it in a microwave and set it to defrost for one minute that will fix it right up.

 

[stickygirl]

^
If your hard drive won't work - "it's ok, it happens all the time and you're probably just tired. We could have pizza instead"

 

[mnbreastluver]

Set your 4 digit codes to 9999 so hackers will spend more time going through all possible combinations before reaching yours thus giving you more time to catch the perpetrators.

 

[stickygirl]

Carry pigeon's feet your pocket. If anyone says you're pigeon-toed, hand them one and tell them to fuck right off

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Short on cash? Cough on all of the things you need at the store so they let you have it for free.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re in a fight with a shark, stick your dick into their gills and gill fuck them till you cum or they suffocate because at least before you died you tried to enjoy yourself.

 

[stickygirl]

Help the weirdo who just moved into your street feel welcome, by telling the neighbour kids he works in a candy factory and he has lots of samples in his house

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to become fluent in Danish? Speak English with multiple dental instruments in your mouth, and you'll sound just like a native Danish speaker.

 

[stickygirl]

Headaches can be cured by rubbing the pressure point on your pharmacist's neck

 

[DeckardNYC]

Use your last name for all your passwords -- no one would ever think that anyone would be so dumb, which makes it's brilliant.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Throw whatever food you need to dice up into the garbage disposal, and soon the food will be nicely diced up. Bonus: Extra food that sticks on to your diced up food is additional flavor.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Bundle all of your remotes together. That way when you lose one, you lose all of them at once.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Ever thought about Sex in public or at work? Now with Zoom meetings everything is possible

 

[frustratedthoughts]

On vacation? Stash your extra cash in an empty chapstick tube... because no one ever loses their chapstick.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're young, now is a perfect time to build up your immune system by giving blowjobs to the elderly.

 

[stickygirl]

Youngsters getting bored at home? Given them a broken bottle and some superglue and challenge them to put it back together

 

[Sundayschild]

Washing hands is overrated