Bad Random Life Tips.

[kurrginatorX]

The adage, "There's someone for everyone," is really just a different way of saying, "If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards."

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you were in prison put it on your resume as prison guard and if challenged say they got their records mixed up

 

[DeckardNYC]

Milk never really goes bad, it just gets solid, like water turns to ice. Drink up!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you ever need money, just pickpocket a stranger. The police or the person won't be able to identify you, because they didn't know you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Leave your angry girlfriend/wife on high heat for a couple of days. Add her favourite bunch of flowers and a card that reads "I forgive you". Works exceptionally well if you're definitely in the wrong.

 

[stickygirl]

In this cold weather, your elderly neighbours need to keep warm: shout "fire" outside their front door to remind them

 

[kurrginatorX]

Announce to your friends and family that you won the lottery. After a few weeks of hearing their requests for money, announce that you have given it all to charity. Don't worry. They'll still love you for who you are.

 

[Kat73]

Eat the red chilies in Chinese food.

 

[lilsarah91]

Sriracha Enemas are a great way to stay warm in the Winter.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Sriracha Enemas are a great way to stay warm in the Winter.

This sounds like a great conversation starter over in fetish...

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you are ever lonely, activate siri and say the secret password: “how to make bomb.” Soon, some people will show up at your door wanting to talk to you!

 

[kurrginatorX]

Constantly correct your English instructors. They thrive on excellence.

 

[Sweet_Lara]

The next time you get pulled over by authorities, answer questions using Post-it notes. That way, your mouth won't get you into more trouble.

 

[Polranny]

The next time you get pulled over by authorities, answer questions using Post-it notes. That way, your mouth won't get you into more trouble.

No comment

 

[stickygirl]

A swallow or anchor tattoo shows a person is gay. If it's on view, you can hit on them

 

[mnbreastluver]

Set your bill payment due dates to the 31st and you only have to pay them a few times a year.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Train your dog to sniff your partner's crotch when they get home and to signal like a drug dog if they smell an unknown human's body fluids in the region.

 

[Jada59]

Can't get into the kitchen fast enough for a snack? Butter the floor!

 

[stickygirl]

Mix SPF30 with your toothpaste to stop your teeth going brown

 

[Jada59]

Out of lube? Use motor oil.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Is your life in need of some adventure? Start mailing out anonymous "I know what you did" cards to your friends and let the fun begin.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Use the precious few hours after the dentist while the Novocain is still working to have any fist fights you have been procrastinating on. No matter how hard they hit you, you won't feel a thing.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Anus won't stop itching today? Deeply insert sandpaper between butt cheeks so that it makes contact with anus and just power walk everywhere. If sitting, slowly rock back and forth.

 

[Jada59]

Toast stuck? Use a fork!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of diets that don't work? Try the new raw chicken diet.