Bad Random Life Tips.

[kurrginatorX]

Let your dog lick your dishes clean.

 

[stickygirl]

Always show an interest if someone mentions they're vegan

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you need to fend off a hard-on , just punch yourself in the groin. The blood will get scared and your hard-on will disappear.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

If you need extra money join every multi level marketing sales platform and tell all your friends about the new essential oils, nail wraps, tights, and moisturizers, every time you see them. Keep selling, don't let up, they will appreciate it in the end

 

[mnbreastluver]

Need a fancy bouquet for Valentine’s? Hop on down to your local cemetery they usually have many fresh flowers you can pick from and bonus they’re free.

 

[Stillrandy]

You Won't Go Wrong With This Investment

https://cdn011.bdsmlr.com/uploads/photos/2020/02/9590687/bdsmlr-9590687-1uEED7sNmc.jpg

 

[kurrginatorX]

(Guess I should thank Justadesperatewifeandmom for the inspiration with this one)

Women--especially large-breasted women--really appreciate you staring at their tits during the course of a conversation. It makes them feel they have something worthwhile to add after all.

 

[stickygirl]

Gentlemen - your sperm is sacred and precious. Order a glass phial and fill it with your life giving essence: what could be more perfect for a Valentine's gift?

Pro tip: if you're short of cash, jizz over her jewellery box and surprise her on the special morning

 

[asianmom42]

Gentlemen - your sperm is sacred and precious. Order a glass phial and fill it with your life giving essence: what could be more perfect for a Valentine's gift?

Pro tip: if you're short of cash, jizz over her jewellery box and surprise her on the special morning

run diesel gas in your gasoline car; gas is gas, right?

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can stop a bear attack by giving it a belly rub.

 

[Taegul]

You can stop a bear attack by giving it a belly rub.

I tried this at the zoo once. That Koala Bear did not stop attacking me.

Keeping your phone on during a movie helps the entire audience see the screen better.

 

[mnbreastluver]

I tried this at the zoo once. That Koala Bear did not stop attacking me.

Keeping your phone on during a movie helps the entire audience see the screen better.

If you order the same thing and give the same name as the person in front of you at Starbucks you can get your order faster.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Have a wasp sting your dick so your bulge looks bigger in gray sweatpants.

 

[stickygirl]

Don't knock a turd sandwich until you've tried one

 

[LizVegas79]

Tell everyone you know about Literotica and include your Lit username in the email blast.

 

[Jada59]

No cop? No stop.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Stalking is an true art form when used correctly.

 

[Jada59]

Leave the ice cream on the counter so it won't be too hard.

 

[LizVegas79]

Show your kids where daddy keeps his guns.

 

[Deleted member 3041612]

Show your kids how to hold people hostage.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Lactose intolerant? Drink a couple of glasses of milk before going to see a disaster movie. Everyone will be pleasantly surprised it is Smell-O-Vision.

 

[stickygirl]

Show your kids how to hold people hostage.

^^ Show your kids to people

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you’re driving, don’t use your blinkers. It’s no one’s business where you’re going.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Men: The next time your girlfriend squirts all over you, pee on her and ask how she likes it.

 

[stickygirl]

If the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're going to need some plastic sheeting, a craft knife and suitable gloves