Bad Random Life Tips.

[VoraciousValue]

Looking for a good time and a lot of laughs? Walk into a biker bar and say, "Harley Davidson sucks!"

 

[kurrginatorX]

Are you the archetypal 98-pound weakling looking to get some cred? Take up Sumo Wrestling.

 

[MsLead]

Nipple rings...yeah, that.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When doing the nasty with a new honey, write all your kinks on your taint to save you both time and embarrassment with the awkward conversation.

 

[mnbreastluver]

You can’t get arrested if you file a restraining order against every single police officer.

 

[kurrginatorX]

When the collection plate is passed around at church, it is perfectly acceptable to use this timely ATM to make change or even make a cash withdrawal.

 

[MsLead]

Never cut your hair...it will eventually fall out anyway...

 

[DeckardNYC]

Fuck cleaning the house, it's just going to get dirty again.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Quit trying to capture the A-Team, how about it? It's been way too long. You're just embarrassing yourself.

 

[stickygirl]

Girls love being graded out of ten for their asses: it gives them a goal in life and it's exciting to hear the marks, so speak up guys!

 

[Jada59]

No ice cream? Freeze some scoops of mashed potatoes. Add chocolate chips to make it look more authentic.

 

[stickygirl]

In an emergency, you can use air freshener aerosol in place of an inhaler for children over 8 years old

 

[mnbreastluver]

Do you have a big scratch on your car but don't want a paint job? Just scratch your entire car up so it looks like a cool new trendy car design.

 

[sally_sparrow]

A real man doesn't go 50/50 on the rent with his girlfriend. A real man let's her pay 100% of the rent while he pursues his rap dream.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If all else fails, a dishsoap bottle can be used for an emergency enema. Do not ask me how I know this.

 

[sally_sparrow]

When a "Baby On Board" sticker is a little faded and beat up you know the kid is at least a year or two old now and the car is safe to ram.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Sex before marriage is a sin, unless you do it doggy style, all dogs go to heaven.

 

[Polranny]

WHEN she asks * does my are look big in this?* say yes

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get a bike lock and put it on an already locked bike, the owner will eventually give up and unlock it, making it legally yours.

 

[stickygirl]

These winter months play havoc with damp shot cartridges: if you put them in a moderate oven with the door open to let them dry, you won't get any missed shots later in the season.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Save business cards of people you don't like. If you ever accidentally hit a parked car, just write "Sorry" on the back and leave on the windshield.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always hide your drugs in your crotch so if the drug dog finds them you can just tell the cops: "all dogs love my crotch I don't know why!" to skate on all charges.

 

[stickygirl]

Always hide your drugs in your crotch so if the drug dog finds them you can just tell the cops: "all dogs love my crotch I don't know why!" to skate on all charges.

If you see a drugs dog, drop onto all fours and present your ass. Bestiality is a lesser charge than possession in many states

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you see a drugs dog, drop onto all fours and present your ass. Bestiality is a lesser charge than possession in many states

Join a pet friendly employer so that you can openly spank your monkey at work.

 

[Cyberbella]

Join a pet friendly employer so that you can openly spank your monkey at work.

Or better yet... so you can be collared and purr at the boss' command.