Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Need a nice folding table? Look for a table with junk on it that's says "Free" on a table and take the table, leave the junk because you only needed the table.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Light your fireworks off inside your house to prevent your annoying neighbours from getting a free show.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always commit crimes during the hour before the daylight saving time change in fall. When security cameras switch back to 1 am, it will erase the footage of you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Because of high inflation, it's best to spend all your money as fast as possible.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

Watch the shopping channel with a liter of whisky, some nibbles and a cellular phone close at hand.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Biker bars welcome Schwinn riders.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

If your partner has admitted wanting sex with someone else...wear sunglasses in bed.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

Play games on your smart phone during an interview... It shows your tech savvy.

 

[Trubbycat]

Fart when you're receiving oral sex. It shows your partner how comfortable you are with them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Drive with your gas tank as close to empty as possible. You get more mileage thanks to the less weight.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you find a great vacation rental, leave them a terrible review. Then there will be more available dates for you to book your future stays.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Bring up politics at Thanksgiving.

You'll save lots of money on Christmas gifts.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Fart in elevators to avoid vampire attacks. I’ve been doing this for years, and I’ve never been attacked by a vampire in an elevator, but I have driven several vampires out of elevators over the years.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Try to be the first member of a Ponzi scheme so you get paid with the other member's money.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If a cop asks you for permission to search your vehicle, it's important to remain firm but respectful. Tell them, "Officer, while I have the utmost respect for law enforcement, if you want my drugs, you're going to have to buy them just like everyone else."

 

[mnbreastluver]

Take your turkey out the freezer now and place it on the countertop to start thawing. So it will be ready to cook for Thanksgiving.

 

[Trubbycat]

When a sales clerk asks what size your wife/girlfriend wears, slide your hands over her ass, look thoughtful for a moment and say "a bit smaller."

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re having trouble keeping the spark alive in your relationship, put on socks and drag your feet across the carpet prior to kissing your partner.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

Don't worry about using your credit card on that website you heard about from that strange email. It'll be fine! And buying the app they are selling really will help you find young singles in your area

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your car locks are frozen stick your keys in the microwave for 30 seconds then give it a try.

 

[TallGlassOfSarcasm]

That Nigerian prince is a super ni e guy and will totally come through with the money.

But you waiting so long to answer him has been tough. He has been trying to make ends meet by calling people about their cars' extended warranties.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Carry around business cards of people you don't like in the winter. If you slide into a parked car you can just write "sorry" on the card and leave it on the damaged vehicle.

 

[Trubbycat]

Go ahead and pull that fire alarm. The FD needs the practice.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you get pulled over by a cop, just don't roll down your window, and they can't give you a ticket.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Self-castration is an effective way to save time and money.