Bad Erotica Winners, Nerve

[Pure]

Here's a runner up I liked: [excerpt]

http://www.nerve.com/fiction/baderotica/baderotica/index.asp?page=4

Pumpkin Jones
"Baby Cowboy"

[the woman and the young cowboy have met in a bar, then proceeded to his car.]



"Nice sweater, Suzy," he said.
He ripped it down to my navel.
I fumbled with his belt while he freed my puppies from their underwire kennels. I unzipped his jeans, and the big boy stood up and saluted me. I bent over and gave him a tongue bath. My skirt was hiked up to my pirate tattoo. He destroyed my thong with one strong hand. I climbed onto his love saddle, mounted my cowboy and he told me to ride him hard.
He held one big silicone-free breast in each hand and kissed them while he plunged deeper and deeper inside me. I was impaled on his love rod. The windshield was fogged up. The SUV was rocking. I leaned back against the dashboard and grabbed at the radio dial. Three tries, then I found the oldies station. I hadn't heard the extended version of "Freebird" for years, but he stuffed my love muffin while singing with Skynyrd. His geyser shot all over my shoulders before the commercial break. I squealed with delight and rubbed his cum across my tits and belly.

Gravel flew as he roared off into the night. I stood there with my torn sweater smoking a cigarette in the darkness. I licked his cactus juice from my sticky fingers. That young cowboy sure knew how to ride across my range. [end excerpt and story]

 

[TheEarl]

Rofl. That is absolutely superb. I love the bit about the 'silicone-free breast.'

The Earl

 

[TheEarl]

Went and did some research from some of the other stories on there and have literally not been able to stop laughing. Check out some of these quotes.

Brooke wasn't so blind to phallic imagery; she noticed his surging thunderbolt in his football pants. He had clearly come straight from practice. "Professor," he whined, "I really need to pass this class to keep playing ball with the guys."
"Are guys the only ones you play ball with?" Brooke asked with a throaty chuckle as she grabbed his manhood. Surprised, Randy said, "I like this game plan, why don't you bend over and say 'hut'."


His abs were undulating hills, with heavy underbrush around his navel.


His mancock was long and impressive, but no match for his teacher's silicone masterpiece


Positioning herself, Brooke pushed in a few inches with her silicone rod, but Randy's greedy asshole wanted more.


She could not remember how or when this skillful man removed her girdle, panties and Levis, but soon she was naked before him. His powerful hands and majestic seven fingers pushed on her shoulders


His climax came quickly and furiously, his sex sauce sliding down her throat like slimy alien invaders, guiding down her highly sexual esophagus to her creamy stomach. His authoritative hands pushed her away, and pushed his sanguine monster of mating back in to his torn khakis.

Sanguine monster of mating? I think there's things Durtgurl could learn from these people.

The Earl

 

[MathGirl]

Good grief!

 

[deliciously_naughty]

kind of makes me rethink what deserves a 1

 

[Guest]

Went and did some research from some of the other stories on there and have literally not been able to stop laughing. Check out some of these quotes.
His abs were undulating hills, with heavy underbrush around his navel.
His powerful hands and majestic seven fingers pushed on her shoulders
...his sex sauce sliding down her throat like slimy alien invaders, guiding down her highly sexual esophagus...

Sanguine monster of mating? I think there's things Durtgurl could learn from these people. The Earl

Krikey! As if I didn't have enough time already to read erotica. But I have to say, aside from the personal postings I find a lack of humor on Lit. (outside Dgirl and a few others). I enjoy hysterotica.

My rhetorical queries: abs as undulating hills; what would tits be? why only 7 fingers? slimy alien invaders - yuk! a highly sexual esophagus? I thought I knew all the erogenous zones.

Thanks, Earl and Pure. - Perdita