Baaaaaad Joke - Happy Holidays!

[Guest]

I needed a break from playing Santa and found this joke -



A ancient, doddery, infirm, geriatric old biddy goes into a sex shop. She says to the assistant, " Doooo youuuu haaaave aaaa siiiix teeeen iiiinch vvvvibbbraaator pleeease?"

The store clerk says, "Yes of course madam, how can I help you?"

To which she replies, "Caaaan yooooo teeeellllll meee hooooow toooo tuuuurn iiiit oooooff?"



Happy Holidays! Hope Santa fills your stocking well!

 

[Thrillhouse]

A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender notices that he has a steering wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel down your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Arrrrrrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

Merry Christmas!

 

[Guest]

Did you hear about the little girl who asked Santa for a Barbie and a G.I. Joe for Christmas?

"Oh, but Barbie comes with Ken", Santa said.

"No," the little girl replied to Santa.

"Barbie comes with G.I. Joe, she only fakes it with Ken!"

 

[Guest]

Rosie and Nina were comparing their experiences at the company's annual Christmas party.

"Did you get laid, Nina?"

"Twice."

"Only twice?"

"Yeah, once by the band and once by the shipping room crew."

 

[Guest]

The Sunday before Christmas, a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns. After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill in offering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns. Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

 

[Dietrich K.]

What do a Christmas tree and a man who's had a vasectomy have in common?

































Ornamental balls.