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warrior queen
early bird snack pack
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i think i'd better post a clarification.....
when i said 'get the fuck out of oz', i really should have worded it better.
what i meant was, we have to seriously consider the possibility that we've all (as a family) got to get closer to where horus works.
he's out of country for 4 months at a time, and we've now got an issue where we've brought his teenage daughter over to live with us - from a very bad situation - and she simply cannot be 'abandoned' by yet another parent.
it would be terribly detrimental to her for this to happen
horus cannot quit his job, as his last relationship has put him into so much personal debt (which, btw, his ex says she is not responsible for a single cent of the money she spent on credit cards while he was out of the country, and refuses to pay - and couldn't even if she wanted to) that unless he keeps this job, he will never get out from under the debt.
4 months away at a time, with 3 weeks of being able to see him, is what we're facing if we don't move closer to where he is - which means we..... as in myself and my son and his daughter...... need to get to a country that's a lot closer to where he works so that he can commute on a semi-regular basis at the very least.
i have no debt - but i have the studio.
but in my mind, the studio is something i can shut down at a moments notice if needed.
his daughter's wellbeing is way more important than my studio.
she's had absolutely no guidance, she has no life-skills, and she's been horribly emotionally (as well as physically) abused by the people she should have been able to count on most in this world - her mother and step-mother.
she needs her father to be there for her.
while she and i are getting along like crazy - it's simply not the same.
he cannot walk away from her for that length of time - no matter that his work is important - she won't see it that way......
all she'll see is that her last parent doesn't want her
and i won't allow that to happen to this girl.
so there you have it - the main reason for us thinking about moving.
not that that's the only reason, mind you..... I don't want to do 4 months apart at a time, for the next 2 years minimum, and neither does he.
yes - it would mean leaving my younger two children for several months at a time.
but at the end of the day - they have their father, and even though i live about 6 blocks away, he doesn't bring them over to see me. (he won't come near horus, you see.)
nor does he remind them to ring me or text me..... so they don't.
the only time i have contact with them is when i make the effort to go over there, or when i text/ring.
they don't talk to me unless i am standing in front of them - and then they'll say 'i missed you, mum'.
the rest of the time, they simply carry on as if i am not there at all.
i knew this would happen..... and although it does make my heart ache, there's nothing i can realistically do to change what's happening.
so unless someone can come up with a better solution to the entire dilemma, we are seriously going to have to consider moving to be closer to horus' work.
i am [almost] at a loss here...... this keeps going round and round in my head......
for someone who's supposed to be quite intelligent, i cannot see another way to deal
ideas are welcome, people.
advice requested.
when i said 'get the fuck out of oz', i really should have worded it better.
what i meant was, we have to seriously consider the possibility that we've all (as a family) got to get closer to where horus works.
he's out of country for 4 months at a time, and we've now got an issue where we've brought his teenage daughter over to live with us - from a very bad situation - and she simply cannot be 'abandoned' by yet another parent.
it would be terribly detrimental to her for this to happen
horus cannot quit his job, as his last relationship has put him into so much personal debt (which, btw, his ex says she is not responsible for a single cent of the money she spent on credit cards while he was out of the country, and refuses to pay - and couldn't even if she wanted to) that unless he keeps this job, he will never get out from under the debt.
4 months away at a time, with 3 weeks of being able to see him, is what we're facing if we don't move closer to where he is - which means we..... as in myself and my son and his daughter...... need to get to a country that's a lot closer to where he works so that he can commute on a semi-regular basis at the very least.
i have no debt - but i have the studio.
but in my mind, the studio is something i can shut down at a moments notice if needed.
his daughter's wellbeing is way more important than my studio.
she's had absolutely no guidance, she has no life-skills, and she's been horribly emotionally (as well as physically) abused by the people she should have been able to count on most in this world - her mother and step-mother.
she needs her father to be there for her.
while she and i are getting along like crazy - it's simply not the same.
he cannot walk away from her for that length of time - no matter that his work is important - she won't see it that way......
all she'll see is that her last parent doesn't want her
and i won't allow that to happen to this girl.
so there you have it - the main reason for us thinking about moving.
not that that's the only reason, mind you..... I don't want to do 4 months apart at a time, for the next 2 years minimum, and neither does he.
yes - it would mean leaving my younger two children for several months at a time.
but at the end of the day - they have their father, and even though i live about 6 blocks away, he doesn't bring them over to see me. (he won't come near horus, you see.)
nor does he remind them to ring me or text me..... so they don't.
the only time i have contact with them is when i make the effort to go over there, or when i text/ring.
they don't talk to me unless i am standing in front of them - and then they'll say 'i missed you, mum'.
the rest of the time, they simply carry on as if i am not there at all.
i knew this would happen..... and although it does make my heart ache, there's nothing i can realistically do to change what's happening.
so unless someone can come up with a better solution to the entire dilemma, we are seriously going to have to consider moving to be closer to horus' work.
i am [almost] at a loss here...... this keeps going round and round in my head......
for someone who's supposed to be quite intelligent, i cannot see another way to deal
ideas are welcome, people.
advice requested.
warrior queen said:
I simply don't know that any response that any of us can give is going to be one that you want to hear.
I read what you are saying about horus' daughter, and understand what you are saying....and having suffered abuse (not parental) as a teen I can empathise for what she may be feeling and you two as well....I sure as hell know I would want to kill anyone who abused my kids.
Have you both considered that in a lifetime for you all two years is such a short time........Horus' daughter is in a safe place now......if he does have to leave for work it may not be the optimum situation for her...but is yanking her off to a foreign country an optimum situation......
Teens are adaptable......and while she may find it difficult to be away from her dad for such long periods of time, at least she will be safe....Have you considered keeping her in Tas with you and getting counselling for her......to help her deal with past issues as well as her dad needing to get away.....
If that is not acceptable......then maybe instead of moving away another option to try is for Horus to force the sale of any assets from the marriage to help to clear the debt.....
You also think that your babies will be ok with you moving away........cos they simply carry on as normal after saying they miss you.......This sounds to me like they are ok with the separation....imagine what you moving away with one child and 'another' mans' child will do to them in the long run......To 'save' one child you risk totally devastating two more.......No matter what, nothing is more important to kids than a loving, caring mum. You risk depriving your children for the sake of one.
I admire very much how you have started to form a strong family unit as you all are......but hell...what you are considering does have major implications......It can even give your ex the fuel to do things like claim you are an unfit mother because you abandoned your kids etc etc..........
Debt is a damm hard thing to deal with.......and I know....I am still dealing with some major stuff after having been ripped off in business......but there are options to deal with that...including seeking legal advise re sharing the debt...and ways to deal with it.....Ok spending many years paying off debt isn't a great way of life ( I know)...but there are options......Seek financial advice before doing anything........
Sadly this was never going to easy....and I do wish I could help take it all away......but none of us can........
I cannot say strongly enough though think long and hard before making major moves.......maybe you need to just keep on with horus going away for a while....til he gets divorced and settles things with the ex.......
Long separations are going to be torture.....but so are the implications of moving in haste......you are strong WQ and at least you have the knowledge that you do have each other......it is more than a lot of us have(as I have said before) and more than you had previously....
Take care hon....and please accept that this response is only meant to help not to offend.
(((((WQ & Horus)))))
Last edited:
Ladybird
Tart with a heart
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2001
- Posts
- 29,801
Wise words MissB, and I concur wholeheartedly.bertrande said:
The only thing I add WQ is that if you do have a stalker/lurker who is making life difficult for you, that you consider emailing your thoughts to your friends rather than post them on a public bulletin board for all the world to see.
Again, if things do get messy between you and TimTam, anything written here may be used against you.
Take care hon, you know I speak from the heart, but carefully consider all you say and do at the moment and the possible impact on all concerned.
warrior queen
early bird snack pack
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2003
- Posts
- 31,500
what i'd really like to know is - where does the parenting manual say that kids being deprived of a mother is any worse than being deprived of a father?
if i were to take my kids, what about the fact that i would still be removing them from their other parent?
surely one is no worse than the other.
if i were to take my kids, what about the fact that i would still be removing them from their other parent?
surely one is no worse than the other.
Don K Dyck
Devilish Don Downunder
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2002
- Posts
- 8,255
bertrande said:thanks but it is too hard to type through the tears....
catch you all tomorrow
Hang in there B . . . {{{{{{{
bertrande }}}}}}}
Don K Dyck
Devilish Don Downunder
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2002
- Posts
- 8,255
~Breathe~ said:She looks pretty damn hot in that AV, I agree....makes me feel a tad self-conscious but hey, I can deal with it
Why feel self conscious with a figure like your av . . .
Don K Dyck
Devilish Don Downunder
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2002
- Posts
- 8,255
warrior queen said:i think i'd better post a clarification.....
when i said 'get the fuck out of oz', i really should have worded it better.
what i meant was, we have to seriously consider the possibility that we've all (as a family) got to get closer to where horus works.
he's out of country for 4 months at a time, and we've now got an issue where we've brought his teenage daughter over to live with us - from a very bad situation - and she simply cannot be 'abandoned' by yet another parent.
it would be terribly detrimental to her for this to happen
horus cannot quit his job, as his last relationship has put him into so much personal debt (which, btw, his ex says she is not responsible for a single cent of the money she spent on credit cards while he was out of the country, and refuses to pay - and couldn't even if she wanted to) that unless he keeps this job, he will never get out from under the debt.
4 months away at a time, with 3 weeks of being able to see him, is what we're facing if we don't move closer to where he is - which means we..... as in myself and my son and his daughter...... need to get to a country that's a lot closer to where he works so that he can commute on a semi-regular basis at the very least.
i have no debt - but i have the studio.
but in my mind, the studio is something i can shut down at a moments notice if needed.
his daughter's wellbeing is way more important than my studio.
she's had absolutely no guidance, she has no life-skills, and she's been horribly emotionally (as well as physically) abused by the people she should have been able to count on most in this world - her mother and step-mother.
she needs her father to be there for her.
while she and i are getting along like crazy - it's simply not the same.
he cannot walk away from her for that length of time - no matter that his work is important - she won't see it that way......
all she'll see is that her last parent doesn't want her
and i won't allow that to happen to this girl.
so there you have it - the main reason for us thinking about moving.
not that that's the only reason, mind you..... I don't want to do 4 months apart at a time, for the next 2 years minimum, and neither does he.
yes - it would mean leaving my younger two children for several months at a time.
but at the end of the day - they have their father, and even though i live about 6 blocks away, he doesn't bring them over to see me. (he won't come near horus, you see.)
nor does he remind them to ring me or text me..... so they don't.
the only time i have contact with them is when i make the effort to go over there, or when i text/ring.
they don't talk to me unless i am standing in front of them - and then they'll say 'i missed you, mum'.
the rest of the time, they simply carry on as if i am not there at all.
i knew this would happen..... and although it does make my heart ache, there's nothing i can realistically do to change what's happening.
so unless someone can come up with a better solution to the entire dilemma, we are seriously going to have to consider moving to be closer to horus' work.
i am [almost] at a loss here...... this keeps going round and round in my head......
for someone who's supposed to be quite intelligent, i cannot see another way to deal
ideas are welcome, people.
advice requested.
Make haste slowly WQ . . .
ladyoflust
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- May 1, 2002
- Posts
- 356
Helllooooooo Stranger !!!
I know i havent been on here for ages, but life been a little to hectic for trying to get anywhere near a computer but all about to change!!
How is everyone all well i hope? Whats new with everyone? Are we all happy and content in life?
I know i havent been on here for ages, but life been a little to hectic for trying to get anywhere near a computer but all about to change!!
How is everyone all well i hope? Whats new with everyone? Are we all happy and content in life?
Gil_T2
KICK ASS !
- Joined
- Jan 21, 2002
- Posts
- 19,757
ladyoflust said:Helllooooooo Stranger !!!
I know i havent been on here for ages, but life been a little to hectic for trying to get anywhere near a computer but all about to change!!
How is everyone all well i hope? Whats new with everyone? Are we all happy and content in life?
* Gil wipes his eyes in disbelief * so what changes will change net access?????
And of course a hug &
bertrande said:well I am sorry if I have misunderstood anyone.....
.......it has been a bad day......in many ways.....
it isn't every day your ex makes you the arsehole in your kids life...but mine sure did today.....
good night beautiful people....
*offers a hug for support*
warrior queen
early bird snack pack
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2003
- Posts
- 31,500
just a quick note to let you all know i won't be around for a few days or maybe a week or two.
several things happening, most of which are now spiralling out of my control.
not that anything was really in my control to begin with, but that's beside the point.
i will be back......
several things happening, most of which are now spiralling out of my control.
not that anything was really in my control to begin with, but that's beside the point.
i will be back......
warrior queen said:just a quick note to let you all know i won't be around for a few days or maybe a week or two.
several things happening, most of which are now spiralling out of my control.
not that anything was really in my control to begin with, but that's beside the point.
i will be back......
Hope everything gets resolved quickly and easily for you and horus.
We will be holding you to getting back here soon so don't be to long okay.
witch_fire
Chillin'
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2005
- Posts
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Evening, all. 
witch_fire
Chillin'
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2005
- Posts
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Hey, what is this? Am i a conversation killer, all of a sudden.
witch_fire
Chillin'
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2005
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Me too, but i saw that m.j.h was on and i wanted to say 'Hi'. He ran away before i could.ICR said:Hello
WQ, sending you my best wishes
Witchie, I was lurking.
witch_fire
Chillin'
- Joined
- Nov 24, 2005
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- 13,795
Hi sweetie, i'm still here.m.j.h said:I'm still here just got sidetracked.
Looks like i have missed the loverly witchy again.
witch_fire
Chillin'
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- Nov 24, 2005
- Posts
- 13,795
lol.m.j.h said:
And there was much rejoicing.
How you been?
Been much to long since we have spoke.
Itchy as hell.
It has been.
What you been up to?- Status
