aussies
- Thread starter cheeky greg
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Ladybird
Tart with a heart
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2001
- Posts
- 29,801
Ok, my turn...
A West Australian buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he
announces, his wife has just produced a typical West Australian baby boy
weighing 25 pounds.
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of
"WOW"! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're
the father of the typical West Australian baby that weighed 25 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled,
and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."
The West Australian father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Swan Lager
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and
proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
A West Australian buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he
announces, his wife has just produced a typical West Australian baby boy
weighing 25 pounds.
Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of
"WOW"! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're
the father of the typical West Australian baby that weighed 25 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled,
and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."
The West Australian father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Swan Lager
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and
proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
Ladybird
Tart with a heart
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2001
- Posts
- 29,801
I've got more...
DATE RAPE DRUG TARGETS MALES
Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers, and unsuspecting
pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any
woman.
A new date rape drug on the market, called "beer," is used by females to
target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available
almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and
bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units
of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men
are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men
will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking
women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of
exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men
are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a
relationship."
Apparently men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is
administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall
victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women
administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every
town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open
and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support
group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
DATE RAPE DRUG TARGETS MALES
Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers, and unsuspecting
pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any
woman.
A new date rape drug on the market, called "beer," is used by females to
target unsuspecting men.
The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available
almost anywhere. "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and
bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.
Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units
of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men
are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men
will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking
women to whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of
exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague
feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men
are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a
relationship."
Apparently men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is
administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.
Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall
victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women
administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every
town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open
and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support
group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
a nun and a skin head are on a train
the skin head is eating prawns and biting off the heads and spitting them at the nun
the nun picks up the heads throws them out the window and pulls the emergency cord
the skin head looks at the nun and says " your gonna get a $50 fine for that you stupid whore "
the nun looks at the skin head an says " when i cry rape and they smell your fingers youll get 10 years you dumb f**k
the skin head is eating prawns and biting off the heads and spitting them at the nun
the nun picks up the heads throws them out the window and pulls the emergency cord
the skin head looks at the nun and says " your gonna get a $50 fine for that you stupid whore "
the nun looks at the skin head an says " when i cry rape and they smell your fingers youll get 10 years you dumb f**k
davoo
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 17, 2005
- Posts
- 384
ok gettin low on jokes now
I got drunk and walked into a biker bar, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. Looking around, I saw 3 men sitting at a corner table. So I got up, stagger to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest one, square in the face and said: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at me and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. I leant on the table again and said: "I got it on with your grandma, nailed her six ways to next week and she is GOOD, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. So I lean on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, BOY, your grandma liked it. She squealed like a naked bitch in heat!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes me by the shoulders looks me square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk
I got drunk and walked into a biker bar, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. Looking around, I saw 3 men sitting at a corner table. So I got up, stagger to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest one, square in the face and said: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at me and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. I leant on the table again and said: "I got it on with your grandma, nailed her six ways to next week and she is GOOD, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. So I lean on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, BOY, your grandma liked it. She squealed like a naked bitch in heat!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes me by the shoulders looks me square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
During WW2, a yank soldier returned to London for R&R after several weeks of action in France.
He was on a crowded train and he walked along each carriage looking for an empty seat to rest his wear feet. The only unoccupied seat was next to a rich English Spinster, who'd put her small poodle on it.
The soldier asked politely "please Ma'am may I have that seat?"
The woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said. "You Americans. You're such a class of rude people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walk away, but after another trip up and down the train he again found himself facing the woman with the dog.
He asked again "Please lady, May I sit there? I am very tired."
The woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you Rude, you are also arrogant. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier didn't say another thing- he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the moving train and sat down in the now empty seat.
The woman shreiked and demanded someone do something about this horrible Yank.
A mew mnutes later an Englishman in a suit and wearing a bowler hat spoke up from across the aisle.
"You know sir, You Americns have a knack of doing the wrong thing." he sniffed "You butcher the Queens english, you drive your vehicles on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"
He was on a crowded train and he walked along each carriage looking for an empty seat to rest his wear feet. The only unoccupied seat was next to a rich English Spinster, who'd put her small poodle on it.
The soldier asked politely "please Ma'am may I have that seat?"
The woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said. "You Americans. You're such a class of rude people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walk away, but after another trip up and down the train he again found himself facing the woman with the dog.
He asked again "Please lady, May I sit there? I am very tired."
The woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you Rude, you are also arrogant. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier didn't say another thing- he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the moving train and sat down in the now empty seat.
The woman shreiked and demanded someone do something about this horrible Yank.
A mew mnutes later an Englishman in a suit and wearing a bowler hat spoke up from across the aisle.
"You know sir, You Americns have a knack of doing the wrong thing." he sniffed "You butcher the Queens english, you drive your vehicles on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out the window!"
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