Attention Whore

Blushing Bottom

purrrrrrrrrrfect pleasure
Joined
Aug 25, 2005
Posts
4,118
I admit it, I am an attention slut. I daydream often about having my submissive needs met while at the mercy of a Dominant who understands my need for attention...and gives it to me.

Is this a common thread in the intricate pattern of D/S or BDSM? Comments please.
 
Blushing Bottom said:
I admit it, I am an attention slut. I daydream often about having my submissive needs met while at the mercy of a Dominant who understands my need for attention...and gives it to me.

Is this a common thread in the intricate pattern of D/S or BDSM? Comments please.

With YOUR buns UHMMM :rose:
 
HUMmmm.. Interesting

I dont have a Dom. or anything but i would assume that was natural. I mean I fantasies about it as well. I guess it would depend on the attention that you need. What kind of attention are you talking about? just general attention (like a phone call.) or something more?

I am probably not the best person to answer your question since i am not really in the lifestyle...but I thought everyone deserved to hear my thoughts.. smiles..LOL

I hope you find the answer you are looking for.
 
I know someone with a working theory, that [generally speaking] submissives are selfish attention whores, who use the excuse of being the object for their dominant's desires, to have all sorts of delicious things done (and attention paid) to them, without having to work very hard...
 
My dear girl. Do you have any idea how hard I have to work to get the attention I crave? ;)

d

CutieMouse said:
I know someone with a working theory, that [generally speaking] submissives are selfish attention whores, who use the excuse of being the object for their dominant's desires, to have all sorts of delicious things done (and attention paid) to them, without having to work very hard...
 
Attention

I know someone with a working theory, that [generally speaking] submissives are selfish attention whores, who use the excuse of being the object for their dominant's desires, to have all sorts of delicious things done (and attention paid) to them, without having to work very hard...

I am sorry, but I could not disagree more with that theory. I believe that most submissives, who are genuine and not into playing games, do not seek attention. They want one loving dom who understands their needs and they could not care what the rest of the world thinks about their relationship.
 
exec1101 said:
I am sorry, but I could not disagree more with that theory. I believe that most submissives, who are genuine and not into playing games, do not seek attention. They want one loving dom who understands their needs and they could not care what the rest of the world thinks about their relationship.

I was speaking in terms or "attention" within the relationship, not the world. The views of the person I was referencing fall within the confines of a relationship, as well.

Just to be clear, your argument in rebuttal is that a genuine submissive would quietly and respectfully follow all rules set forth by her partner (who is giving attention to said submissive, by setting up rules to be followed which are tailored to the relationship); never wish, desire, or expect to be the center of attention sexually (which, really, is what happens when a dominant partner uses a submissive for his/her pleasure); and that a genuine submissive, would not get (nor expect) direct, focused, tailored attention (requiring hours of work on the dominant party's part), in exchange for not having to make any decisions, beyond agreeing upon safewords and limits?
 
CutieMouse said:
I know someone with a working theory, that [generally speaking] submissives are selfish attention whores, who use the excuse of being the object for their dominant's desires, to have all sorts of delicious things done (and attention paid) to them, without having to work very hard...

Cutie, my Dom says subs are high maintainance. When I pointed out to him that I work hard at NOT being high mantainance, he said that was like me saying I was working hard at trying to be a better man..that it just wasn't possible. He aknowledges that I am not high maintainance in that I have to hear from him x times a day or I go into some kind of tail-spin...but that when we are together I want 100% of his attention at all times. He has threatened, as an experiment, to put me in a chair, in a non-sexual situation with no restraints, and pointedly ignore me for a period of time to test how his theory applies to me. Of course, I interpret that as a challenge not an experiment. :rolleyes: He has never suggested I want a lot of attention without working for it though, he would have one ticked off subbie on his hands. That man works me hard! (not that I am complaining, mind you )
 
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exec1101 said:
I am sorry, but I could not disagree more with that theory. I believe that most submissives, who are genuine and not into playing games, do not seek attention. They want one loving dom who understands their needs and they could not care what the rest of the world thinks about their relationship.
Exactly! I put part of that in bold. This is a great description of what I want, and had, in a relationship.
 
Rebuttal

Please do not take my response to your friends "theory" that submissives are attention whores who seek that attention by offering their bodies and "not working very hard" to gain that attention.

My point was that if someone is an attention whore, very quickly they will be comfortable to the attention showed to them by one individual and seek other stimulation - attention from others, hence the whore reference. It has been my experience that true submission is generally not poly and the submissive wants and needs nothing more from the world than the attention of her dom.

If your friend references people who love attention and create drama, they can be found by the dozens on Lit, but I would hardly consider them to be submissives.
 
exec1101 said:
Please do not take my response to your friends "theory" that submissives are attention whores who seek that attention by offering their bodies and "not working very hard" to gain that attention.

My point was that if someone is an attention whore, very quickly they will be comfortable to the attention showed to them by one individual and seek other stimulation - attention from others, hence the whore reference. It has been my experience that true submission is generally not poly and the submissive wants and needs nothing more from the world than the attention of her dom.

If your friend references people who love attention and create drama, they can be found by the dozens on Lit, but I would hardly consider them to be submissives.

Firstly- Dude, you pulled out the "T" word.

Secondly- There are many people in the Lifestyle (dominant and submissive alike) who would disagree with your poly statement.

Thirdly- You agreed with me in that submissives want and need the attention of their partner; however, you obviously have a narrower definition of "attention whore" than I. In my experience, sumbissives suck up attention like a sponge; they are always ready for more attention, and this need for more attention does not necessarily lessen, once they reach a state they once viewed as their "maximum attention plateau". Involving drama, other persons, or public events need not occur to meet my definition of one... but in my experience, your average submissive is always ready for more attention, and thus, falls under the catagory of "attention whore". (It is interesting to me that some people view the term in a negative light, and some don't...)
 
Attention whore

It would certainly appear that we disagree on the subject. It is not my intention to create discord in this thread, only to offer my opinion. I am not blessed with the ability to speak for "the many people in the Lifestyle", my thoughts are my own.

I would simply restate my belief that there appears to be attention whores seemingly everywhere. To respond, as a general statement, that there is a connection between submission and being an attention whore would insult submissives.
 
Hmmm, maybe I am unusual then because believe me, there is not a lot of attention showered in my direction. We can both be in the same room all day without him showing any attention in my direction except to demand a cup of coffee every now and then, still while mentally and visually occupied elsewhere....IOW, he may not look at or speak to me for the whole day because he is preoccupied with something else. I also do not crave attention, preferring to be left to get on with what I have to do. Not sure I can even buy into this idea that a session is about giving the sub an attention fix because for us, most sessions are about his needs being met, whether I am happy with it or not, nor is it about my pleasure or needs, and he is not backward about doing and taking what it is he wants and often after he is finished going off to do something else which takes his fancy and leaving me to either amuse myself, clean up, or rest as the need might fit, or sometimes with an order to carry out other duties he wants done. LOL, I am just not getting how being ordered to cook dinner, prepare a meal, plaster a wall, wash his clothes, clean the floor, results in my being given an attention fix. We also do not go in for scenes being planned. Our gear is all within easy reach for him, and when the mood seizes him he just proceeds, no plotting, planning and organising in advance required. :confused:

Catalina :catroar:
 
exec1101 said:
It would certainly appear that we disagree on the subject. It is not my intention to create discord in this thread, only to offer my opinion. I am not blessed with the ability to speak for "the many people in the Lifestyle", my thoughts are my own.

I would simply restate my belief that there appears to be attention whores seemingly everywhere. To respond, as a general statement, that there is a connection between submission and being an attention whore would insult submissives.


Pfft! One fabulous thing about Lit, is that people here disagree all the time, and the boards keep humming along, friendly as ever. :) It is nice to see someone so firm in their convictions; I do hope you'll stick around and join the conversations.

My friend's views on the subject, which have (admittedly) influenced mine, are not a very popular, to be sure. As a submissive-sort-of-person, looking at things analytically, I understand the argument, agree with it, and find no insult in it; others don't. No biggie. :)
 
i know that i need attention...Sir ponted out judt thst night thst i can be very needy. the question i have is, as a submissive, do i have i right to ecxpect attention?
 
myinnerslut said:
i know that i need attention...Sir ponted out judt thst night thst i can be very needy. the question i have is, as a submissive, do i have i right to ecxpect attention?


I believe needing attention (to an extent) is simply human nature- we all like tobe noticed for what we do, or say... on a more shallow level, if we didn't desire attention as a race, there would be no beauty contests. LOL

I see nothing wrong with needing attention; I see nothing wrong with expecting attention- even in a D/s relationship (most people appreciate being praised for a job well done, for example). When one person's need for attention creates a burden for another, however, I would suspect imbalance occuring, in need of correction.
 
Ok now I won't say I am a subbie, at most a switch. But I am like totally high maintainance. I am very jealous of things that take up the time of whom I play with. In the changing relationship I am in, I am fairly content because just helping him garners alot of attention in itself. I also know that sometimes I act a bit bratty to invoke getting the attention I want from others.
 
I find it odd that most of you assume that I refer to needing attention ALL of the time or that I don't work hard to earn it. I guess that we all see what we choose to see. But let anyone tell me they need NO attention and I'll say a prayer for them.

I drink to balance.

d

catalina_francisco said:
I think it depends on the type relationship you both want. For F, I wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes if I had needed and sought attention, for other Dominants it is just what they love.

Catalina http://www.world-of-smilies.com/wos_love/Angeln%20und%20kuss0.gif
 
I'm less of an attention whore ( I only wanted attention from him though) right now with my husband than I have ever been. What has caused the changes that took me from being resentful of anything that took up his time to now? Adding more into my life. When I was a stay at home mom because I thought (and still do think) that was the best way to raise my babies, I needed a LOT more attention from him.

When I began doing some substitute work, then part time, then started my own business which allowed me to work flex time for about the same amount of money. I became far less needful of his attentions.

As I went out with my friends more, volunteered in the community or pursued other things for ME I again became far less needy.

That's not to say that I don't enjoy his attention now. I simply am no longer as emotionally petty when he has his time in whatever form as I was when I was starved for adult companionship and attention.

I don't consider myself high maintenance at all. He says he doesn't feel I am either. Still when I look back at our social calendars in those days, I don't know how he put up with all that I put on there. At the time I told myself it was family time, and that I didn't want him to miss out on so much that was going on while he was at work. That was true enough. It was also true I loved him dearly and wanted to include him in everything significant. But damn it must have been nearly overwhelming for him.

I'm glad we are at a more balanced place together now. I'm happier within myself. Our time together is far better if not as much as before. I'm certainly not an attention whore now. I'm fairly reclusive and quiet except when I have an agenda or I'm in the shower but I do wish we hit it more often. LMAO.

Fury :rose:
 
Blushing Bottom said:
I find it odd that most of you assume that I refer to needing attention ALL of the time or that I don't work hard to earn it. I guess that we all see what we choose to see. But let anyone tell me they need NO attention and I'll say a prayer for them.

I drink to balance.

d


http://www.fullsmilies.com/q/Smiley/for-girls/295.gif Umm, where did I say that or anything about your attention need BB? I was answering a question posed by myinnerslut which to my thinking didn't show favour for either direction but did acknowledge what works for one does not work for the other...is what choice and preference is all about. Do I need 'some' attention? It is nice when I bust a gut doing something and he notices, but if he doesn't I don't lose sleep over it or go on strike, I just carry on as usual so I don't think of it as a need nor do I feel I need praying for. Perhaps it is my hermit like personality which helps me forgo the need and be happy with whatever he decides he feels like giving, and when he doesn't, just amuse myself and make sure I keep doing so I don't get punished.http://www.fullsmilies.com/q/Smiley/karisik/OK.jpg

Catalina http://www.fullsmilies.com/q/Smiley/for-girls/post-7827-1137316099.gif
 
myinnerslut said:
i know that i need attention...Sir ponted out judt thst night thst i can be very needy. the question i have is, as a submissive, do i have i right to ecxpect attention?

in my opinion? yes, you do. the thing just because we are submissive does NOT mean we deserve any less attention because our Dom's have control, we are still human and all humans crave attention, though my WANTS in our relationship are put aside for His wants, He still takes care for me, and if i feel He's not giving me enough attention i do tend to 'act out' or do things to get His attention, does that make me a bad submissive? no..does it make me less submissive than someone who does not crave that attention or act out? nope....it makes me different and means that i need a Dom who is willing to give me that attention. any person be it they're in a D/s relationship or a 'nilla one, need attention. i couldn't imagine being in a relationship where He paid no attention to me or my needs. *shrugs* this is just my opinion
 
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