Attending BDSM "play" parties

[LadyFunkenstein]

What is the deal with people who go to these?

I get people who are into BDSM in their regular lives. But I don't get people who go to the parties. Is exhibition an unsaid part of their kink, paired up with a personality who really likes interacting in groups?

I may have a hard time getting it because I am very introverted, don't like doing things with other people. I go to the gym regularly, what maybe 15k times the last 10 years? I have only attended a class once.

Is it a similar thing as people who go to swinger clubs?

 

[Lancecastor]

I enjoy them for the voyeurism, but have never taken my clothes off at one.

Same as a big ballroom party... Its usually more fun to watch and conspire.

Then select what you want and take it home.

 

[lovetoread]

Its usually a safe place to have a bit of fun.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Its usually a safe place to have a bit of fun.

Why there and not your own place? Or the other person's?

 

[lovetoread]

Why there and not your own place? Or the other person's?

That is done, of course. But there are aspects of some play where you need the audience.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

That is done, of course. But there are aspects of some play where you need the audience.

This is what I want to know about. Like what?

 

[pointless]

no idea. i tried to get a friend to take me to one once, but i was not allowed. and i'm okay with that. i was just curious anyway.

 

[Saint Peter]

Tight stinky black leather dom pants are meant to be shared.

 

[WrongVerb]

I'm also introverted. Maybe not as much as you, though. And I have been to a play party. I didn't get the attraction either. I didn't play, and really wasn't that interested in forcing myself to get to know the other participants. I think there were about 20 folks there, an equal number of men and women, and there was a nicely equipped dungeon which was being well used. I watched for awhile, but didn't get turned on at all. I think it was my perception that there was a coldness to the interactions that I didn't like. It was really off-putting to me. For me to get turned on, there has to be some kind of real connection with the other person. Anyway, I haven't been to any since, and kinda lost interest in the whole scene after that.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

I'm also introverted. Maybe not as much as you, though. And I have been to a play party. I didn't get the attraction either. I didn't play, and really wasn't that interested in forcing myself to get to know the other participants. I think there were about 20 folks there, an equal number of men and women, and there was a nicely equipped dungeon which was being well used. I watched for awhile, but didn't get turned on at all. I think it was my perception that there was a coldness to the interactions that I didn't like. It was really off-putting to me. For me to get turned on, there has to be some kind of real connection with the other person. Anyway, I haven't been to any since, and kinda lost interest in the whole scene after that.

This describes my opinion of hanging out in a swinger club one night. It all seemed very cold. It was not arousing.

 

[lovecraft68]

This is what I want to know about. Like what?

Spankings for one. There is a 'spanking party' every Friday night that I used to go to years ago and they are still at it.

Sometimes there is some public humiliation-how "hard" depends on the crowd, usually nothing you see on sites like "the Upper floor" or "Public Disgrace"

Some of the parties tend to devolve into BDSM enhanced "key parties" where they swap subs rather than keys. I have never been a fan of those as I doubt their legitimacy.

 

[lovetoread]

This is what I want to know about. Like what?

Its the pleasure one gets when you are taken/pleasured/punished knowing there are people watching, though one can be blindfolded so you cannot actually see them. Those feelings can be so much stronger this way.

Not the Dom/Domme though, that would make it a bit hard to know where to swing.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Spankings for one. There is a 'spanking party' every Friday night that I used to go to years ago and they are still at it.

Sometimes there is some public humiliation-how "hard" depends on the crowd, usually nothing you see on sites like "the Upper floor" or "Public Disgrace"

Some of the parties tend to devolve into BDSM enhanced "key parties" where they swap subs rather than keys. I have never been a fan of those as I doubt their legitimacy.

Why is this better with an audience than in private?

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Its the pleasure one gets when you are taken/pleasured/punished knowing there are people watching, though one can be blindfolded so you cannot actually see them. Those feelings can be so much stronger this way.

Not the Dom/Domme though, that would make it a bit hard to know where to swing.

So it is exhibitionism for you?

 

[Miles Long]

Also it can give you access to BDSM furniture you wouldn't otherwise get to use. Not everyone has the space or funds for a St Andrew's cross and a spanking bench in their home.

 

[lovetoread]

So it is exhibitionism for you?

I have always been one.

But keep in mind I did not meet anyone at these things. I would never play with a stranger.

 

[lovecraft68]

Why is this better with an audience than in private?

Adds to the humiliation and understand many subs get aroused by humiliation so it gets them hotter having people witness their punishments.

The spanking parties others are usually allowed to spank the disobedient sub. The house I used to go to had a stockade in the basement.

A sub would be put into it(male or female) and they would then be spanked, tickled, teased, verbally degraded sometimes...

again its the being exposed in public and 'disgrace' that adds to it.

 

[lovecraft68]

I have always been one.

But keep in mind I did not meet anyone at these things. I would never play with a stranger.

That is the number one peeve I have with the average BDSM erotica story "Monica meets mister domly and...lets him take her right home and tie her down..."

 

[lovecraft68]

Also it can give you access to BDSM furniture you wouldn't otherwise get to use. Not everyone has the space or funds for a St Andrew's cross and a spanking bench in their home.

and never mind space, the SA cross is a bit hard to explain.

I used to have a Queens chair in a room in our basement and I left it unlocked once. My MIL had been doing laundry in the basement and nosing around. My wife convinced her it was an antique "potty chair"

 

[Lancecastor]

Why is this better with an audience than in private?

Watching / being watched is arousing.... Its why people fuck in cars, parks, against hotel room windows, on web cams at libraries.

You know this, yes?

Same thing except with blindfolds, binding and spanking etc.


Hot.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Watching / being watched is arousing.... Its why people fuck in cars, parks, against hotel room windows, on web cams at libraries.

You know this, yes?

Same thing except with blindfolds, binding and spanking etc.


Hot.

When people say they attended such an event they never mention that the exhibitionist part is an important part of their arousal. It's always a "Yeah I got spanked" or whatever suits that person's tastes/

 

[CandiCame]

Every one of these that I've been to has been in an entire house and what winds up happening is my bf winds up taking me to a room and whoever we're with comes in there and it's like... we could have done that at home? I never really liked them. Basically everybody mingles like a meet & greet, but every one I've ever been to it's been 100% people I already knew. And by the time the sexy time starts, I'm halfway to a blackout- which you /aren't/ supposed to do, but which I can't not do. If there are drugs and alcohol available to me, I am going to get shitfaced- which is why avoiding triggers is a big part of my treatment, but that's also why I need a /good/ dom to watch me. We've never done stupid shit like you see in the media. He's with me 100% of the time at places like that. We never do that dumbass 'switch off' thing that you see in porn. I'm not a dvd from the mid-90s. I can't be rented out...

We've also had normal parties kind of evolve into orgies, but I consider that a different thing. That's a "I invited my drama kid neighbors, I don't know what I expected to happen" impromptu sexfest, not a "we're here explicitly to have sex" party.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Every one of these that I've been to has been in an entire house and what winds up happening is my bf winds up taking me to a room and whoever we're with comes in there and it's like... we could have done that at home? I never really liked them. Basically everybody mingles like a meet & greet, but every one I've ever been to it's been 100% people I already knew. And by the time the sexy time starts, I'm halfway to a blackout- which you /aren't/ supposed to do, but which I can't not do. If there are drugs and alcohol available to me, I am going to get shitfaced- which is why avoiding triggers is a big part of my treatment, but that's also why I need a /good/ dom to watch me. We've never done stupid shit like you see in the media. He's with me 100% of the time at places like that. We never do that dumbass 'switch off' thing that you see in porn. I'm not a dvd from the mid-90s. I can't be rented out...

We've also had normal parties kind of evolve into orgies, but I consider that a different thing. That's a "I invited my drama kid neighbors, I don't know what I expected to happen" impromptu sexfest, not a "we're here explicitly to have sex" party.

You would best be served by getting ahold of your drug and alcohol problem without having to need a dom to watch you. Even if that means you have to stop altogether, it's damn better than relying on someone else to keep you from going off the cliff.

 

[Super-Surprise]

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