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At what point is it cheating?

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screwher

Literotica Guru
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Mar 17, 2012
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When it comes to our physical relationships, we all had different ideas as to when our spouses/SOs interactions with others have crossed that line. Broken that boundary to which it is now considered cheating.

For some relationships it could be as simple as flirting. Sending nudes to another person. Kissing. Or maybe not until full on sex! Share with the class your personal boundary within your relationships.

For myself, my wife and I are a hotwife couple. I would probably consider it cheating if she had sex with someone from “my side” of our marriage. Friends, family, coworkers. Or if she hooked up with another and didn’t tell me about it!
 
screwher said:
When it comes to our physical relationships, we all had different ideas as to when our spouses/SOs interactions with others have crossed that line. Broken that boundary to which it is now considered cheating.

For some relationships it could be as simple as flirting. Sending nudes to another person. Kissing. Or maybe not until full on sex! Share with the class your personal boundary within your relationships.

For myself, my wife and I are a hotwife couple. I would probably consider it cheating if she had sex with someone from “my side” of our marriage. Friends, family, coworkers. Or if she hooked up with another and didn’t tell me about it!
Click to expand...

When I feel I have to keep it a secret for my wife, it's cheating. Therefore I don't go there.
 
For us, it is one of us having any kind of sex (oral, intercourse, etc.) with another person without the permission of the other. My wife's sex activities in college when we were a couple was cheating because she did it behind my back. Her activity after we got married and with my permission was not cheating according to our definition.
 
Even when You don't do anything physically, but think positively about doing things behind your partner's back, it's cheating. When your relationship reaches that level, it's better to simply inform your partner and end things peacefully.
 
Mathilda1 said:
Even when You don't do anything physically, but think positively about doing things behind your partner's back, it's cheating. When your relationship reaches that level, it's better to simply inform your partner and end things peacefully.
Click to expand...

Not wanting to view your position as 'harsh', because there are no right answers, only our answers, but where would you put fantasy in this equation? E.g. if your s/o fantasises about someone they know (as opposed to Brad Pitt/Taylor Swift), in the privacy of their head, would that cross the line of 'thinking positively about doing something behind your back'? Again, I'm not criticising, merely curious.
 
Mathilda1 said:
Even when You don't do anything physically, but think positively about doing things behind your partner's back, it's cheating. When your relationship reaches that level, it's better to simply inform your partner and end things peacefully.
Click to expand...

Thought crime? What a despicable notion.
 
Cheating is when you cross the line into the physical realm of orgasms...

Blowjob
Handjob
Sex
Anal Sex (etc)

When you are flirting or dating, or that sort of thing where it might not be physical without your spouse knowing; then its unethical or immoral, and most likely in violation of your wedding vows, but not actually cheating.
 
My wife told me she didn’t consider bj and hi cheating!!! Not that I have gotten and opportunity for either one but you never know!
 
There is no such thing as cheating in our marriage.

However, sex secrets are bad and would be considered along those lines.
 
I have a female coworker at the office. She is an attractive-looking woman and one cannot help but look on occasions. One day she catches me looking when wearing a particularly short dress. She doesn't smile or get upset. Instead she just makes a point of crossing and uncrossing her legs and showing of to me how toned her legs and thighs. Since that day, she has done way too much of sashaying her hips or bending over in front me in tight office pants or being ok with an extra shirt button undone when interacting with me for these "shows" to be a coincidence.

The above aside, everything seems normal. We're both married with children, we talk about each other family's lives. We work well together and are very professional with each other. Most importantly we're pretty business-like with each other. We've never made a pass at one another. It's as though the "shows" she's given me doesn't exist.

But there is something unspoken here between the two of us: I like to look at her, she likes me looking at her. I would say I'm not cheating but I would consider myself to be if I was to cross over into actively flirting and hitting on her.
 
HordHolm said:
Not wanting to view your position as 'harsh', because there are no right answers, only our answers, but where would you put fantasy in this equation? E.g. if your s/o fantasises about someone they know (as opposed to Brad Pitt/Taylor Swift), in the privacy of their head, would that cross the line of 'thinking positively about doing something behind your back'? Again, I'm not criticising, merely curious.
Click to expand...

To answer your question as simple as possible: A decent person can have fantasies about Brad Pitt/Taylor Swift. But at the same time, he/she is sure that even if Brad Pitt/Taylor Swift approaches in reality, the answer is no.
 
Mathilda1 said:
To answer your question as simple as possible: A decent person can have fantasies about Brad Pitt/Taylor Swift. But at the same time, he/she is sure that even if Brad Pitt/Taylor Swift approaches in reality, the answer is no.
Click to expand...

Well, i'm pretty sure Taylor Swift would say no to me..........
 
hey...

screwher said:
When it comes to our physical relationships, we all had different ideas as to when our spouses/SOs interactions with others have crossed that line. Broken that boundary to which it is now considered cheating.

For some relationships it could be as simple as flirting. Sending nudes to another person. Kissing. Or maybe not until full on sex! Share with the class your personal boundary within your relationships.

For myself, my wife and I are a hotwife couple. I would probably consider it cheating if she had sex with someone from “my side” of our marriage. Friends, family, coworkers. Or if she hooked up with another and didn’t tell me about it!
Click to expand...

I don't care if its as simple as flirting or a kiss on the cheek. She doesn't make any kind of a move where fucking isn't in the finale answer, whether just a fantasy or the actual physical act. If she can't talk to me about it before it happens its cheating.
 
I would say that if you are doing it behind your SO's back it is cheating. I do not consider doing some light flirting as cheating. If it gets too explicit than that would become cheating unless my husband was aware and OK with it. Just as an aside, cheating does not have to be about sex.
 
For me and I think many others there is a distinction between cheating, which can be edgy and possibly even mutually arousing under the right (preferably agreed upon) conditions, and betrayal, from which there isn't much chance of forgiveness and recovery. Cheating, in my mind, involves taking for oneself something sweet but taboo or forbidden, whereas betrayal involves giving something away that is shared and sacred to an outside party. This being literotica we are all thinking about physicality and sexuality, but non-sexual intimacies are just as vulnerable to being taken illicitly or squandered carelessly or hurtfully.
 
Here's a question: Is cybersex (or phone sex) behind your SO's back cheating or is it simply fantasy/escapism if there is no intention or possibility of meeting for it to become a reality?
 
I have a two part definition.

Cheating is something that I (1) would have to keep a secret from my wife, and (2) I would not be happy about if she were doing it herself.

So if I'm talking to an old girlfriend, my wife would not like that, so I would keep that secret from her. However, I would have no problem if my wife were talking to an old boyfriend. So that's not cheating.

This is akin to the golden rule.
 
I guess in general terms anything you would not openly tell your SO is cheating. If your SO is okay with you flirting or sending nudes, engaging in cyber/phone sex, etc then I would not consider it cheating. In my opinion whatever the couple says okay (and doesn't hurt any third party) is a-okay.
 
I have one for you....

If you have permission is it cheating?

For several reasons I say no it is not.
 
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