At Last, a positive BDSM slant on TV

[esclave_PP]

On 10/17, on WE.TV a new network that "empowers women" aired the show, The Secret Lives of Women." This particular episode was on fetishes. I wrote them to say how pleased I was and 'bravo!'

To read more on the show you can click on this link but here is a sample from the slave's blog that was featured on the show:

Alene's Blog

08/16/06 Well, soon enough my episode on being an owned slave in the BDSM world will air (i believe it is called "Fetishes" although being a slave is not a fetish) so i won't go over how i met my Master, ect... as it should be in the documentary, although i obviously haven't seen it yet. Instead, i will start my blog out with what i have learned by being owned by Master BP in this past year, so maybe you can get a glimpse into my life of being an owned slave. (oh, and just to let you know, when you are a slave, "slave" is always lower case, as is "i" when referring to yourself or "my"... and "Master" is always capitalized). In the past year of being owned by Master BP i have learned that a slave willingly becomes the compliment to her Master's will, giving up her decision-making powers to more closely become one with her Master. Submission, obedience, service and devotion are what mark a slave.Control/self control, empathy, compassion, knowledge, skill level, consistency, common sense, discipline, responsibility, confidence and care are a few things that make up her Master.Trustworthiness is the most important mark of your Master. More important than any physical or mental marks he may put upon you. Until you can give your full trust, you cannot fully submit. Submission and surrender follow from realizing your need to serve, and the feeling of trust you have for your Master.I trust my Master to take me to the edge of life and over it... bringing me always gently and safely back for his use again. I trust him to teach me and mold me into being the perfect slave for him.I have learned that physical discipline from Master is a good thing, not necessarily a failure. That it is my duty to him to accept this punishment based on the fact that he has more wisdom and experience in this lifestyle than I can ever hope to. That it is given because I have broken his rules or orders. That it is an incentive for me to change my behavior - behavior which has become detrimental to our relationship in some manner. It also means that Master is re-asserting his control over me. During my punishment by him, I am again giving in to the will of my Master, further bonding me to him. That no matter what the infraction, after the punishment is over, you will find me in his arms as he soothes me with his voice and gentle touch. Master forgives me and loves me just the same as before the infraction. To me, being held in Master's arms after the punishment is the difference between correction and abuse. But, that is just my opinion. That I am Master's "precious possession" as he calls me once again is what I long to hear. And I have found that this is very important to me. I am very disappointed in myself, when it happens, for disappointing him enough to receive a physical punishment, feeling very guilty for disobeying and am often crying before it is even given... or hesitate because my mind cannot grasp that i was so stupid again!I am happy to say that this slave of Master's hasn't been physically punished in quite a long time.A slave's relationship with her Master should be full of support, empowerment and enjoyment of each other. And I am very happy to say that mine is!The relationship should be honest, open, loving, respectful and giving. I have felt a power exchange of sorts that continues to grow between us as well although i may be wrong. The more I feel I am able to surrender to Master in training, the more power I give to him - he takes from me... and the more I feel almost like I am being drawn into his power. Then, as we kind of blend together, I feel almost as if Master is returning that power 3 fold back to me. The pain of extreme brutal/physical training at Master's hand releases the endorphins I so crave to feel, putting me in a kind of blissful state with him which contains a sense of power for me, maybe Master as well? Being able to take the pain for Master for his pleasure, to endure it as long as I can, to be brought past my limits by my Master then fills me with even more power as i give my surrender.The sexual aspect of our relationship is another thing. It is amazing: sensual, loving, brutal and sadistic all in one. And can go for hours and hours at a time, lol.And then there is the love we share for each other, which is so intense it scares us both. We have also captivated those around us unknowingly simply by the sometimes long gazing and knowing looks we exchange between us. We only recently realized that others can see the obvious love we share and the intensity of it as well. My favorite thing is to wake in Master's arms to him showering my face and eyes with sweet little kisses!I do not see that a Master, showing his love and devotion for his slave, is a sign of weakness at all!!!We spend lots of casual times together outside of training as well. Master and I attend demos on the lifestyle together, coffee's, munches and other socials and events. We have even been in stage shows for public BDSM events as well. But, we can also be found meeting to simply have drinks or coffee, talk or hole-up to watch movies on TV. Master will also go out with my husband for a round of pool, etc.

Ok... that's all getting confusing. I have learned a slave has to be willing to live this lifestyle under her Master without trying to retain some kind of control for herself. Without setting limits and conditions... without trying to keep some part of themselves for... well, themselves. It is my job to try with all i can to give Master the physical, sexual, mental, emotional and spiritual pleasure by the submission and service of myself to his will. I want to be trained by him to do whatever his will requires me without hesitation or argument. I also understand that I am simply "property" or chattle to him. That Master's continued ownership of me is for his pleasure only. That he can, if he so chooses, transfer me and my contract to another at any time, for any reason and any length of time he states, maybe forever, simply for his pleasure. And that if this should be his will, I am to treat this new Dominant with the same respect, service and obedience as Master would require I treat him. This is all at his discretion. But, with my trust in him and the extreme love we feel for one another, I need have no fear in this regard. My contract with Master is for life... and that is the way it will be. I also have no need to "understand" Masters motives in anything, unless he wants me to, and will then wait for him to explain his motives to me.I have also learned that it is not my Master's job to please his slave. It is my job as his slave to please my Master. I have even had to struggle with the feeling of not being used enough by Master due to his sometimes busy schedule, us giving too much of ourselves to others in the lifestyle, or my illnesses (i have heard that more slaves leave their Masters for not being beaten enough, than do for being beaten too much... I've already been in that situation though with my previous owner) and struggle with the resentment and hurt inside of me because of it. I know I have grown past that as well.I have also learned simple things, such as it is his discretion if I am to have a social life at all away from my Master and his supervision, even if it is with my husband. That any time away from his service shall be given only with prior approval. That he does expect and encourage me to form friendships and other interests outside of my work and service to him as long as they are healthy in nature and don' t compete for his interest or infringe upon our time together. But, as I have stated above, this hasn't been a problem either.Looking back on my year (well almost a year, Master claimed me September 8th, we signed in blood our contract on September 28th) with Master BP i have learned so much. I have changed and grown as a slave... and Master tells me I am a very, very good slave.Master has also stated he is proud of me (has even stated this in writing on bcom... "proud owner" he stated which gave me lots of warm fuzzy's!!!!)But I don't think he is as proud of me, as I am proud of him. Yes, I think you can be proud of your Master.And I am so very proud to be owned by him.

Bravo We, and BRAVO Alene! Thank you for sharing!

 

[myinnerslut]

wow! i regret missing this episode, and hope there is a rerun!!!

 

[esclave_PP]

I know, Master and I were shocked. Both of us just stared at the TV with mouths agape. lol. I think you can check the schedule of the TV shows there online.

 

[Quint]

...........

 

[FurryFury]

*eyes cross at the wall of text*

Sorry but it's reeeeeeeeally hard for me to buy into anyone that speaks for a group in broad terms. Is it written in the Sacred Book of Slavehood that "slave" must be lower-case and "i" must be lowercase? It was somewhat of a relief when she began speaking in the terms of her own relationship, although that kind of set my teeth on edge too with the shmaltz. I'm a tough crowd today.

Glad for the relatively non-biased public awareness, I guess.

Yeah my eyes glazed over too. Shorter or in paragraph form would help. I'm glad for a fairly positive slant but um, I didn't like some of the things that she said in that, each to their own. We all know there is no one right way of BDSM.

Fury

 

[myinnerslut]

its in paragraph form on the website

 

[FurryFury]

its in paragraph form on the website

That helped, thank you!

I must say I don't agree with some of the things she said but it was interesting.

To tell the truth, I'd like to see it and I'm most intrigued by the one with the cannibal fetish.

I hope it is rebroadcast and I get to catch it.

Fury

 

[neonflux]

Yeah my eyes glazed over too. Shorter or in paragraph form would help. I'm glad for a fairly positive slant but um, I didn't like some of the things that she said in that, each to their own. We all know there is no one right way of BDSM.

Fury

Fury, almost exactly my first thoughts/sentiments. Then again, when one is part of a subculture that is viewed as so taboo and in a society that feels so ambivalent about sexuality, it's difficult not to be disappointed in initial positive media portrayals. At the beginning, such positive representation is so rare that it's hard not to assume that "outside" viewers will make the mistake of assuming that one person is speaking for all. All said and done, I am happy that they did this episode.

And thank you, malcah_ms for bringing attention to it. Yet another reason to regret canceling my cable because I so rarely watch TV...

Neon

P.S., At the same time, I must also admit that I sometimes enjoy my status as a sexual outlaw...

 

[JMohegan]

I'm not trying to be combative, but I would sincerely like to know why this would be considered a "positive BDSM slant".

If I had seen this blog out of context, I would have assumed it was written as parody.

It reads like a mixture of absurd claims to universality:

(oh, and just to let you know, when you are a slave, "slave" is always lower case, as is "i" when referring to yourself or "my"... and "Master" is always capitalized).

Hyperbole:

I trust my Master to take me to the edge of life and over it... bringing me always gently and safely back for his use again.

Utter lack of realism:

I trust him to teach me and mold me into being the perfect slave for him.

Confusion over the basics:

I have felt a power exchange of sorts that continues to grow between us as well although i may be wrong.

And non sequitur:

I also understand that I am simply "property" or chattle to him. That Master's continued ownership of me is for his pleasure only. That he can, if he so chooses, transfer me and my contract to another at any time, for any reason and any length of time he states, maybe forever, simply for his pleasure. And that if this should be his will, I am to treat this new Dominant with the same respect, service and obedience as Master would require I treat him. This is all at his discretion. But, with my trust in him and the extreme love we feel for one another, I need have no fear in this regard. My contract with Master is for life... and that is the way it will be.

I do know people who have extremely intense Master/slave relationships, but this woman just doesn't sound like one of them. To be perfectly honest, this reads like role play to me. That impression was reinforced by clicking on the link to WE TV and reading:

"In SECRET LIVES OF WOMEN: FETISHES, we meet several women who are nice and normal in every way, save for a human pony or two. Take Alene, a happily married mother of four. Despite her demanding job, gardening, time at the gym, shuttling her daughter to and from cheerleading practice she's still able to put in quality time as a slave.

Looking to be submissive, a role she seldom got to play at home with her husband or at her job, Alene found herself a Mr. Right - a Mr. ALWAYS Right. In the bondage world she isn't allowed to make any decisions without her Master's consent, and she wears a collar at all times to remind her of her vow. According to Alene, the blend of pain and pleasure her servitude brings is akin to an endorphin buzz, or a runner's high."


I am not trying to be obnoxious here, but I just don't get it. For those who appreciated the program or the blog & link, what aspects of it did you find to be positive or accurate representations of BDSM?

 

[FurryFury]

Actually I'm assuming that since Malcah_Ms saw the thing and felt it was a positive show on BDSM that is was. I trust her judgement.

Fury

 

[neonflux]

I'm not trying to be combative, but I would sincerely like to know why this would be considered a "positive BDSM slant".

If I had seen this blog out of context, I would have assumed it was written as parody.

It reads like a mixture of absurd claims to universality:

Hyperbole:
Utter lack of realism:
Confusion over the basics:
And non sequitur:


I do know people who have extremely intense Master/slave relationships, but this woman just doesn't sound like one of them. To be perfectly honest, this reads like role play to me. That impression was reinforced by clicking on the link to WE TV and reading:

"In SECRET LIVES OF WOMEN: FETISHES, we meet several women who are nice and normal in every way, save for a human pony or two. Take Alene, a happily married mother of four. Despite her demanding job, gardening, time at the gym, shuttling her daughter to and from cheerleading practice she's still able to put in quality time as a slave.

Looking to be submissive, a role she seldom got to play at home with her husband or at her job, Alene found herself a Mr. Right - a Mr. ALWAYS Right. In the bondage world she isn't allowed to make any decisions without her Master's consent, and she wears a collar at all times to remind her of her vow. According to Alene, the blend of pain and pleasure her servitude brings is akin to an endorphin buzz, or a runner's high."


I am not trying to be obnoxious here, but I just don't get it. For those who appreciated the program or the blog & link, what aspects of it did you find to be positive or accurate representations of BDSM?

First, you are definitely not being combative. I welcome your comments and think they're interesting.

As I wrote in my previous post, I do not see it as representative. And I would agree with you, Quint and Fury that the journal entry was pretty "schlocky" at least to my tastes - written more in the style of a romance novel confession. Actually, it smacked of the same themes but in a more conscious way - there was always that element of unspoken and subconscious D/s in them - at least when I read a few of them as a teen.

But perhaps that's the point. This is a show on Women's Entertainment, one that is trying to appeal to a very specific demographic, I suspect one that will identify with that journal entry in a "harlequin romance" kind of way. That, to my way of thinking is positive, even if it's not truly representative.

Of course, can't judge the entries by either the Domme or our "main course gal" since these weren't posted. And yea, the promo description was very sensationalistic, but most TV promos are.

I remember back in the 90's, when one never saw two women truly kissing on TV, Star Trek Deep Space 9 (in my opinion the most intelligent and deeply human of the lot) did an episode where one of the main female characters fell in love with another woman - it was broadcast during sweeps week and the promos were extremely sensational. The show itself was very intelligent and included the most sensuous and realistic kiss between two women that I've ever seen on a television show to this day.

I will therefore suspend judgment until I am able to watch the WE show in question. That said, I think that any attempt to portray those of us who live our kink as human is a positive thing, even if the portrayal is not what we would like it to be.

Neon

 

[JMohegan]

Actually I'm assuming that since Malcah_Ms saw the thing and felt it was a positive show on BDSM that is was. I trust her judgement.

Thank you, Fury, for giving me the opportunity to emphasize that I am asking for Malcah's opinion, not criticizing her judgment here.

 

[FurryFury]

I didn't necessarily see it as representative - perhaps more what I was trying to say in my previous post. I would agree with you, Quint and Fury that the journal entry was not at all realistic - written more in the style of a romance novel confession (and actually smacked of the same themes but in a more conscious way - there is always that element of unspoken and subconscious D/s in them - at least there were when I read a few of them as a teen).

But perhaps that's the point. This is a show on Women's Entertainment, and probably is trying to appeal to a very specific demographic, one that will at some levels identify with that journal entry in a "harlequin romance" kind of way. That, to my way of thinking is positive, even if it's not truly representative.

Of course, can't judge the entries by either the Domme or our "main course gal" since these weren't posted. And yea, the promo description was very sensationalistic, but most TV promos are.

I remember that back in the 90's, when one never saw two women truly kissing on TV, Star Trek Deep Space 9 (in my opinion the most intelligent and deeply human of the lot of them) did an episode where one of the main female characters falls in love with another woman - it was broadcast during sweeps week and the promos were extremely sensational. The show itself was very intelligent and included the most sensuous and realistic kiss between two women that I've ever seen on a television show to this day.

I will therefore suspend judgment until I am able to watch the WE show in question. That said, I think that any attempt to portray those of us who live our kink as human is a positive thing, even if the portrayal is not what we would like it to be.

Neon

You said that so well!

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you, Fury, for giving me the opportunity to emphasize that I am asking for Malcah's opinion, not criticizing her judgment here.

It's always my pleasure to assist in any small way I can.

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

First, you are definitely not being combative. I welcome your comments and think they're interesting.

Thanks, Neon.

As I wrote in my previous post, I do not see it as representative. And I would agree with you, Quint and Fury that the journal entry was pretty "schlocky" at least to my tastes - written more in the style of a romance novel confession. Actually, it smacked of the same themes but in a more conscious way - there was always that element of unspoken and subconscious D/s in them - at least when I read a few of them as a teen.

But perhaps that's the point. This is a show on Women's Entertainment, one that is trying to appeal to a very specific demographic, I suspect one that will identify with that journal entry in a "harlequin romance" kind of way. That, to my way of thinking is positive, even if it's not truly representative.

Okay, this helps me understand why some might find a positive element in the piece.

I suppose a lot depends on whether one considers Harlequin romance itself to be positive, and just how much of a distortion one is willing to swallow in the interest of mainstream acceptance.

 

[neonflux]

You said that so well!

Fury

blushes, winks, sighs...

Thank you. back

 

[the captians wench]

I'm not trying to be combative, but I would sincerely like to know why this would be considered a "positive BDSM slant".

If I had seen this blog out of context, I would have assumed it was written as parody.




I do know people who have extremely intense Master/slave relationships, but this woman just doesn't sound like one of them. To be perfectly honest, this reads like role play to me. That impression was reinforced by clicking on the link to WE TV and reading:

"In SECRET LIVES OF WOMEN: FETISHES, we meet several women who are nice and normal in every way, save for a human pony or two. Take Alene, a happily married mother of four. Despite her demanding job, gardening, time at the gym, shuttling her daughter to and from cheerleading practice she's still able to put in quality time as a slave.

Looking to be submissive, a role she seldom got to play at home with her husband or at her job, Alene found herself a Mr. Right - a Mr. ALWAYS Right. In the bondage world she isn't allowed to make any decisions without her Master's consent, and she wears a collar at all times to remind her of her vow. According to Alene, the blend of pain and pleasure her servitude brings is akin to an endorphin buzz, or a runner's high."


I am not trying to be obnoxious here, but I just don't get it. For those who appreciated the program or the blog & link, what aspects of it did you find to be positive or accurate representations of BDSM?

I kinda with you. I was a bit put off by it. First the whole cap/lowercase rule thingy that a few other's mentioned. This has never been required of me, and infact when it was sujested by an editor that I capitalize all the "Master"s in my stories I really had to debate the issue. Hell more often I refure to and call him love rather than master or sir.

The other thing that's an issue for me, which I know is not for many others, is the whole sentence where she mentions her husband and her Master hanging out. I just don't see how you can be ruled by two men. but that goes back to my views on marriage which I know is an unpopular one these days.

I do think it's nice to have things out there that show the emotional aspects to bdsm, rather than just the sexual and obvious ones.For the past year and a half, as I've been exploring myself and bdsm, I've also been trying to keep my mom informed on what it all means to me. Somethings she understands, and some things she doesn't. Some of her views are clouded by what been portrayed by various media, whether that's movies, porn, what ever. I'm always looking for things that may help us to understand each other better. I mean I was floored when I realized that she thought all of this was about sex for me, and even more so when she suddenly found herself a little less understanding when she realized there was more than sex to the way I've decided to live my life.

I didn't see the show, but I am curious to see how it played out.

 

[FurryFury]

I have a husband that has basically given me his go ahead to be with another person, Dom or not.

And I still thought that master and husband thing hanging out together sounded like some fucked up bullshit.

LOL.

Fury

 

[neonflux]

I have a husband that has basically given me his go ahead to be with another person, Dom or not.

And I still thought that master and husband thing hanging out together sounded like some fucked up bullshit.

LOL.

Fury

while I think women are better at that sort of thing, I agree. Only way I can see something like that happening is if both men are bi and also play with each other... what I really couldn't believe is that she would abandon her kids for 3 days at the behest of her master. still, am glad they made the show.

now, if we could only get a film that solely features folks who are part of the kink community and is like Shortbus (I know, keep mentioning it, but I loved the film so much that I cannot help it)... hmmmm, idea for a screenplay?

 

[esclave_PP]

Thank you, Fury, for giving me the opportunity to emphasize that I am asking for Malcah's opinion, not criticizing her judgment here.

Yeah, I thought the journal was a bit um...roll the eyes, however, to each their own.

The reason I thought it was positive is because on shows like CSI or others, they always show BDSM as some evil dark nasty practice that only sickies do or disturbed persons. It was just nice to see the women portrayed as "normal" not necessarily mainstream, but not as freaks like we usually see on TV or in the movies.

I don't think she was (Alene) trying to be representative. She wrote on what she knows, what her Master trained her to be. I hear plenty of people that write and talk like that. Heck you see it here in the boards too with the W/we stuff. Some people just happen to like that protocal. I am not real big on it. I know my place as Master's slave, and I don't have to dress a certain way, or write a certain way to play up to that emphasis.

I do see what you guys are saying though. That some people might take what she says to heart, however, you'd hope anyone who is going to get into the lifestyle would read up on their own and try to create their own experiences and not "relive" someone else's.

Hope that helps!

m

 

[esclave_PP]

while I think women are better at that sort of thing, I agree. Only way I can see something like that happening is if both men are bi and also play with each other... what I really couldn't believe is that she would abandon her kids for 3 days at the behest of her master. still, am glad they made the show.

now, if we could only get a film that solely features folks who are part of the kink community and is like Shortbus (I know, keep mentioning it, but I loved the film so much that I cannot help it)... hmmmm, idea for a screenplay?

I am with you on the just abandoning the kids thing. There has to be a balance and a priority. As in any poly relationship, her husband is her primary, and should remain so. I have a feeling that eventually she'll move either more toward her Master and divorce, or give it up.

As for making a film, god I'd love to do that. If you're serious Neon, I think it would be awesome. I've always wanted to do that.

 

[neonflux]

I suppose a lot depends on whether one considers Harlequin romance itself to be positive, and just how much of a distortion one is willing to swallow in the interest of mainstream acceptance.

JMohegan, OK, don't know how I missed this comment yesterday but was reading it last night with my kink partner and we both burst out laughing because you were so right on the money.

 

[neonflux]

As for making a film, god I'd love to do that. If you're serious Neon, I think it would be awesome. I've always wanted to do that.

I am, among other things, a screenwriter. Currently working on a couple of film treatments, but yes, plan to do it eventually, although it may be several years down the line. Would love to involve the community in the process. Do you all live anywhere close to the San Francisco Bay Area?

 

[esclave_PP]

I am, among other things, a writer. Currently working on a couple of film treatments, but yes, plan to do it eventually, although it may be several years down the line. Would love to involve the community in the process. Do you all live anywhere close to the San Francisco Bay Area?

Wish I did. I used to live in Mill Valley, however, I am on the other end of the country though. Have you thought of contacting the Society of Janus? They are a great local group. Just a thought

 

[serijules]

I didn't read the blog other than to scan it and haven't watched the show, but some of the comments kind of, well, annoy me.

Everyone's journey in BDSM will bring them different things and they express that in different ways. Sometimes I read my own words in my journal and I wonder how "unrealistic" they sound to others, but I end up realizing I don't care, because the journey is my own, as are the results. Ma'am and I are happy, and I enjoy sharing those feelings with others and often times, bringing others inspiration when they relate to what I have to share. Some of my words to describe my feelings are very intense and I often speak in a very romaticized way because what I'm feeling is so powerful. That's only part of the whole...the realism and common sense is still present, even if I don't choose to reiterate those things in every post I make.

There will never be a movie, a website, a TV show...that accurately protrays BDSM as there IS no accurate protrayal IMO. It's such an individual experience. Some people very much connect to the need to use upper/lower case in their online talk...others find it ridiculous. Some, like me, are right in the middle. I use it when speaking directly to Ma'am as it's a little way for us to feel more connected over the distance, but I find it ridiculous as a general rule or when forced on others. Who's to say what is "right"? I hate this seeming need to so starkly define and categorize what is such a personal thing.

Don't be so quick to pass judgement based on a tiny glimpse into someone else's lifestyle. Your own protrayal of it may seem just as "inaccurate" to many people as hers does to you.