Asphyxia: Absolute Control

[bettiboop]

I am incredibly turned on by having my breathing restricted or temporarily prevented by my Dom. It heightens sensation indescribably and the ensuing euphoria really intensifies my climax. I would never advocate restricting one's own breathing while alone as this is quite clearly dangerous.

I was fortunate in that my Dom monitored me and my signals very carefully and this became a part of our lovemaking. I just wondered what people's views are as subs that I have chatted to are mostly apprehensive about or disagree with asphyxia. This surprised me to be honest. One sub said that she sees it as beyond the sub/dom relationship as at that point, consent or refusal of anything else is a moot issue and therefore the sub cannot be said to be consenting to anything that occurs while she unable to breathe.

I understand this point of view and obviously it comes down to trust but I want to see what people's opinions are.

 

[FurryFury]

In RL, I'd be reticent, but with the right person and trust, I think I would enjoy getting there.

In fantasy, I find this very HOT!!!

Fury

 

[bettiboop]

In fantasy it most certainly is. I must confess I was scared when he first tried it because it surprised me. He did it in the heat of the moment and it was something we'd only discussed as fantasy. Having said that, the unexpectedness of it was an extra turn on and I wasn't bound in any way so I could have made it clear to him if I wasn't happy. In not doing so I consented and as I said before the sex was fantastic.

It did occur once when I my wrists were tied but he held my throat and not my mouth & nose so, once again, if I had wanted to I could have made my refusal clear through facial expression.

He did hold my throat while behind me on a few occasions but only ever for a moment or two. That would be quite risky.

Glad I'm not the only one who fantasises about it though, thanks x

 

[shy slave]

Many people I speak to say this is a hard limit for them, both PYL & pyl have that view.

I have never wanted someone to restrict my breath nor have their hand on my throat. However its never been a hard limit.
This was something I neglected to tell Andante prior to our first meeting, this was not a deliberate omission, I simply forgot.

There was a point during our first three days together when I was kneeling in front of him, I was very wet and fully focused on him, in particular his voice, his eyes and his lips.
I was looking directly up at him when he very slowly began to bring his hands up across my shoulders and moved them towards my neck.
It all seemed to happen in very slow motion, a part of my brain was processing what was about to happen, whilst another part was trying to gauge if I was afraid and if I was, what level of fear did I have.
I hardly knew this man yet his hands were getting closer to my neck with the obvious intention of encircling it.

I remained very still, my eyes remained fixed on his face, I took one small breath in as his fingers touched my neck and slowly closed.
The increase of pressure prevented my breath for the briefest of moments
Neither of us spoke, we remained locked into each others face as the palms of his hands touched my skin completing the circle.
At that moment I knew was not afraid. I felt very, very safe.
We remained like this for a brief space of time, perhaps a few minutes.
As he slowly released the pressure and steadily moved his hands away from my throat I remained kneeling, taking in one small breath again.

I can clearly recall the look on his face throughout the whole episode. It was one of care, interest and watchfulness.
It was not one of triumph, lust concern or fear. But a very measured look of a person considering a situation and yet knowing he had the power to change the whole dynamic at anytime.
Feeling the length of his fingers and the palms on his hands completely enclosing my throat with an increasing pressure made me feel free in my own mind.
It was not sub-space but as if I had come home to a place and person I could trust with every part of me, physically and psychologically.

Since then I have loved the feel of his hands preventing my breath for a moment in time.
It is a beautiful and loving gesture which, at times when we are apart, I crave.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I really really do love to watch you ...i guess i could say "grow".

 

[shy slave]

I really really do love to watch you ...i guess i could say "grow".

That means alot ~ Thank you

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Many people I speak to say this is a hard limit for them, both PYL & pyl have that view.

I have never wanted someone to restrict my breath nor have their hand on my throat. However its never been a hard limit.
This was something I neglected to tell Andante prior to our first meeting, this was not a deliberate omission, I simply forgot.

There was a point during our first three days together when I was kneeling in front of him, I was very wet and fully focused on him, in particular his voice, his eyes and his lips.
I was looking directly up at him when he very slowly began to bring his hands up across my shoulders and moved them towards my neck.
It all seemed to happen in very slow motion, a part of my brain was processing what was about to happen, whilst another part was trying to gauge if I was afraid and if I was, what level of fear did I have.
I hardly knew this man yet his hands were getting closer to my neck with the obvious intention of encircling it.

I remained very still, my eyes remained fixed on his face, I took one small breath in as his fingers touched my neck and slowly closed.
The increase of pressure prevented my breath for the briefest of moments
Neither of us spoke, we remained locked into each others face as the palms of his hands touched my skin completing the circle.
At that moment I knew was not afraid. I felt very, very safe.
We remained like this for a brief space of time, perhaps a few minutes.
As he slowly released the pressure and steadily moved his hands away from my throat I remained kneeling, taking in one small breath again.

I can clearly recall the look on his face throughout the whole episode. It was one of care, interest and watchfulness.
It was not one of triumph, lust concern or fear. But a very measured look of a person considering a situation and yet knowing he had the power to change the whole dynamic at anytime.
Feeling the length of his fingers and the palms on his hands completely enclosing my throat with an increasing pressure made me feel free in my own mind.
It was not sub-space but as if I had come home to a place and person I could trust with every part of me, physically and psychologically.

Since then I have loved the feel of his hands preventing my breath for a moment in time.
It is a beautiful and loving gesture which, at times when we are apart, I crave.

The only post I have ever read on the topic that has not made me venomous.

Trust me thats saying something..........smiles

@}-}rebecca----

 

[Hester]

not breathplay, but close

i had a partner who would put his hand around my throat. it was a choking gesture and i felt pressure, but he never seriously restricted my breath. it was more of a threat, as in if he wanted to he could apply just a little more pressure. often he used it to control my head and sometimes my movements. i couldn't get enough of it. one of the most erotic things a man's ever done to me. i think he's the only man i would have trusted to do this---i always knew he was in control of himself.

what i also liked was that when we were in public he just needed to put his hand on the back of my neck just so and i'd flashback. it was a wonderful, very private communication for when we were around others.

 

[His_pita]

Shy Slave that was beautiful.

I greatly enjoy breath play. I love his hands around my throat. I love it when he kisses me very deeply, covers my nose and then sucks the breath right out of me. It is incredibly hot during sex! I love when he shows his control and power over me, because I trust him with my very life and know he would never do anything to cause me harm.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I had phobias about it long ago due to childhood experiences, and I have problems with it at times now due to recent life events which insidiously turned my BDSM capabilities/sanity upside down and all around...I am getting there though, and some days are better than others. Fortunately I have someone who understands it more than I expected it and is patient and caring in leading me back to where we were, but still it pisses me off majorly sometimes. That being said, he still restricts my breathing when he feels I am in a better place and capable of handling it. Often while having sex he will slowly apply pressure to my throat, often before I realise what he is about to do, and restrict air for a moment of three. Depending on the mood and moment, he might also while encircling my throat, use his other hand to hold and cover my mouth and nose. While it is tedious to be in this place of unpredictability, I know he is right when he says it will get better and I soar when I see glimpses of my former self returning to his waiting hands.

Catalina

 

[jadefirefly]

I absolutely, positively -love- this, and I didn't even know it until I first met C. I honestly can't say if I would enjoy it with anyone else, but since that's not an issue at the moment, I don't worry about it.

I do think that I might get a bit squicky were my breath ever completely cut off, for any length of time. That's never happened. Usually it's simply a feeling of pressure, with minimal airway restriction, and it's enough to damn near make me melt. Sometimes if he wasn't holding onto me I think I'd fall over.

I know it's one of those things that gets a lot of hackles raised on a lot of people... it's why I don't talk about it much.

 

[FurryFury]

I think this thread is beautiful!

Shy, you made me tear up!

I love most of the posts on this thread!

*smiles mistily*

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

Reality can be so different and more tricky than fantasy...some might get some value from reading these:

Jay Wiseman Essays on Breath Control and Asphyxiation

Deviant's Dictionary: Breath Control

Catalina

 

[Pure]

comments on 'shy slave's' account.

P: no i did not get misty or tear up, since there are many problems *if one tries to generalize or draw any conclusion about action. ms shy may be one very smart woman, and have immense talents for sizing people up. or she may be lucky.

SS: There was a point during our first three days together when I was kneeling in front of him, I was very wet and fully focused on him, in particular his voice, his eyes and his lips.
I was looking directly up at him when he very slowly began to bring his hands up across my shoulders and moved them towards my neck.
It all seemed to happen in very slow motion, a part of my brain was processing what was about to happen, whilst another part was trying to gauge if I was afraid and if I was, what level of fear did I have.
I hardly knew this man yet his hands were getting closer to my neck with the obvious intention of encircling it.

P: Note it is in the first three days. How well does she know him?

SS: I remained very still, my eyes remained fixed on his face, I took one small breath in as his fingers touched my neck and slowly closed.
The increase of pressure prevented my breath for the briefest of moments

Neither of us spoke, we remained locked into each others face as the palms of his hands touched my skin completing the circle.
At that moment I knew was not afraid. I felt very, very safe.

P: *Feeling safe and *being safe are not the same thing. Shy *happened to be safe, as it turns out, but she had no way of knowing the outcome, imo.

SS: We remained like this for a brief space of time, perhaps a few minutes.
As he slowly released the pressure and steadily moved his hands away from my throat I remained kneeling, taking in one small breath again.

I can clearly recall the look on his face throughout the whole episode. It was one of care, interest and watchfulness.
It was not one of triumph, lust[,] concern or fear. But a very measured look of a person considering a situation and yet knowing he had the power to change the whole dynamic at anytime.

P: Well, 'looks' don't tell the whole story. What is supposed to be the problem if he looks 'concerned'?

SS: Feeling the length of his fingers and the palms on his hands completely enclosing my throat with an increasing pressure made me feel free in my own mind.
It was not sub-space but as if I had come home to a place and person I could trust with every part of me, physically and psychologically.

P: So it turns out. Shy was accurate is her quick assessment. When you're alone with someone for the first, second, or third time, and they start to choke you, are you *sure* you're right about their 'care' and trustworthiness?

Why do so many meetings, 'first dates,' not pan out? What seems to be one way, is in fact something else.

Nor matter how savvy and wise, ms. shy is, no matter how accurate in this case, what do we know about the accuracy of first impressions? Are yours always accurate?

Just some points to think about before this encounter hits the big screen.

pure

PS. it's worth noting that Catalina's account, above, *in no way resembles* shy's account, since Catalina's circumstances were different and she had a lot of experience with the person. IOW, her trust was based on evidence, not just 'gut' or intuition.

 

[graceanne]

Breath play is one of my kinks. K and I were doing it long before we even knew it had a name. About five years ago we were in TX for K's 10 year highschool reunion. Obviously we were having sex and K wrapped his hands around my neck and squeezed. I went from warm to HOT in seconds. Since then we do it occasionally.

Oh, and shy? Thanks, now I'm gonna be horny all day. *sigh*

 

[Pure]

to ga

and you got into it 3 days after meeting him?

 

[graceanne]

and you got into it 3 days after meeting him?

huh?

 

[Pure]

again, ga

did you get into breath play with this fellow in the first three days you knew him. This is what shy slave's account says.**

Catalina's account suggests some months or years.

what is the timing in your case? just curious. what would you suggest to readers of this thread and new bdsm forum persons?



**correction; it was in the first three days of meeting him in person.

 

[graceanne]

Shy said during their first three days TOGETHER. Shy lives in England and Adante is . . . dutch, I think. They'd known eachother a bit before they actually SAW eachother.

Beyond that, no I don't necessarily think that after knowing a man for three days you should be doing breath play. But I don't think you should be doing ANY play after three days. K and I had been together for almost four years when this happened.

I was turned on by her comment cause of the three days thing, the description of her feelings and all that - that was hot.

 

[jadefirefly]

Gracie,

Lemme help you out, sweetie. Pure is trying to scold Shy for engaging in BP with her Andante only a few days after meeting him; therefore, by asking everyone ELSE if they did the same thing, the "scolding" has a better effect.

As if we weren't all adults, educated, and aware of the risks, and benefits, without being treated like irresponsible children.

You've made your comments, Pure, and gotten your point across. Don't jump down Grace's throat because of something someone -else- said.

 

[Pure]

ga,

ok, i see; shy knew him--became acquainted with him-- through the 'net for a while before she first MET him. it was in the first three days of *meeting him, that her story occurs.

i stand corrected. but i have the same worries, and it appears you do too.

--note to jade,

i was responding to what *graceanne said, below. is it correct to say that you, too, found the story more hot than worrisome?

graceanne Breath play is one of my kinks. K and I were doing it long before we even knew it had a name. About five years ago we were in TX for K's 10 year highschool reunion. Obviously we were having sex and K wrapped his hands around my neck and squeezed. I went from warm to HOT in seconds. Since then we do it occasionally.

Oh, and shy? Thanks, now I'm gonna be horny all day. *sigh*

 

[graceanne]

ok, i see; shy knew him--became acquainted with him-- through the 'net for a while before she first MET him. it was in the first three days of *meeting him, that her story occurs.

i stand corrected. but i have the same worries, and it appears you do too.

No, you were right to bring that up. I forget not everyone knows the details of shy and Adante's relationship. And if someone who's new was reading this they might think it's ok to put that much trust in someone you've only known for three days, which it's not.

 

[jadefirefly]

No, you were right to bring that up. I forget not everyone knows the details of shy and Adante's relationship. And if someone who's new was reading this they might think it's ok to put that much trust in someone you've only known for three days, which it's not.

If someone new read that, and based only on THAT made a decision about who was safe to trust, I'd question how they lived this long in the first place without getting into cars with strangers who offer candy.

 

[graceanne]

If someone new read that, and based only on THAT made a decision about who was safe to trust, I'd question how they lived this long in the first place without getting into cars with strangers who offer candy.

You'd be amazed at the stupid things people will do. It happens, you occasionally hear stories about women who meet a dom/me, go home with him/her that night and get killed.

 

[NemoAlia]

Ah well. Paint me irresponsible. I've engaged in mild breath play with a new partner -- on the second date. Believe it or not, I like the risk involved

But yeah, kids, don't try this at home.