Asking to be uncollared by Dom/Domme when they are your lover too?

[Lupinesub]

I'm in a bit of a strange situation at the moment. I've been in the kink community for many many years.

I'm collared, have been for awhile now. But the person I am with is also my lover. I'm not use gender clues or text at the moment for either of us because it feels safe for me at the moment.
I love this person very much, but I feel that they are uncomfortable being in a Dominant position with me for some reason. But I also know that they aren't going to uncollar me because they are a bit possessive. They just want me, even though we do nothing.
I feel in some ways that our relationship is faltering, and perhaps I'm hoping that asking to be uncollared will relieve some stress for them. Or is it going to make things worse? I've never been collared by someone I love before, so this is a difficult situation for me to make heads or tails of. Maybe this is just me grabbing at straws or my own stupidity trying to make sense of things. I really don't know. I just know I'm lost.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

 

[bound]

Something my Master (my love) has always maintained is that because of our relationship prior to him collaring me, he would understand if one day i came to him and said "I love you, but I dont/cant/won't serve you for reason X/Y/Z" but still want to maintain our happy, beautiful 'nilla' relationship that we started out with. We started out friends, fell in love, then discovered to our joy that both of us very strongly were into the lifestyle. Bonus!

Without that though, we still have a happy loving friendship and lovelife.

 

[Vixandra]

Perhaps you could sit down with her and have a frank, open talk about what's stressing her?
Maybe instead of a full Uncollaring, you could do a temp. suspension of it? Perhaps releiving her of those "duties" for a while will let her get things back in order without any additional pressures.

I say her cause that's what it sounds like to me, it could be a him, my advice is still the same.
Temp uncollaring/suspension, get things in order and then go from there.
Good luck!

Lots of wolves about lately...

 

[cellis]

I think it all depends on what you are trying to accomplish...

First and foremost I think you need to ask your PYL how they feel and whether or not they are indeed uncomfortable in the relationship as it stands now. Not always the easiest thing to do... and then I think the two of you together should try to work this out.

I understand how relationships seems to start out one way and then they are not what you expected or wanted but not discussing this and sharing this with the other party is dishonest to both of you.

Oh and I would suggest an indepth look into yourself as to why you feel the way you do and ask yourself if you are happy with the way things are going in the relationship... are your needs met, does your PYL being thethings to the relationship that enhance your life and do you do the same...

If you are not happy within the bounds of your relationship then collared or not it is doomed.






Good topic by the way... and welcome to the boards...