Asking for sex

[presch]

As we all know (or should know)
women have the power when it comes to sex,
and like all things there's always a best way to ask,
(so ignoring my current avator,)
what is the best way to ask for sex??
i've always been told just to be attentive
but what does that mean?

 

[presch]

bumped

 

[SweetErika]

As we all know (or should know)
women have the power when it comes to sex

No. Who has the power depends on the specific people in the relationship and their specific power dynamic.

and like all things there's always a best way to ask,
(so ignoring my current avator,)
what is the best way to ask for sex??

IF there is a "best way," it's going to be dependent on who's being asked. That is, the best way to ask your partner may not be the best way to ask me, or anyone else.

Therefore, if you want to know the most effective way(s) to ask your partner for sex, you should ask her how she likes to be asked for sex.

i've always been told just to be attentive
but what does that mean?

Again, that's something you should ask your partner. If she says, "Just be attentive," you can always say, "What do you mean by attentive? Could you give me some examples of how I might be attentive or what kind of attention you enjoy?"

 

[unregistered]

 

[Eilan]

Are we talking about SO's or random women?

 

[presch]

Assuming they are like me, when women suggest you "be attentive," they mean to show attention and affection to your wife/partner/girlfriend/SO often and not just when you want sex. Little touches and looks, unprompted compliments, and really listening to her will go a long, long way to make her feel loved and (probably) sexy. Pay attention to her. Most women aren't attention whores, but most really appreciate attention from their SO.

And, there are many ways to ask for sex. It really depends on the desired affect. My personal favorite is when my husband comes up behind me, his body touching mine (not grinding), and whispers in my ear. What he whispers varies, but that scenario really turns me on.

HMMM thanks makes sense,
but what if that makes her feel uncomfortabe?

 

[presch]

Are we talking about SO's or random women?

SO's ?
nah girls i know

 

[presch]

No. Who has the power depends on the specific people in the relationship and their specific power dynamic.

IF there is a "best way," it's going to be dependent on who's being asked. That is, the best way to ask your partner may not be the best way to ask me, or anyone else.

Therefore, if you want to know the most effective way(s) to ask your partner for sex, you should ask her how she likes to be asked for sex.


Again, that's something you should ask your partner. If she says, "Just be attentive," you can always say, "What do you mean by attentive? Could you give me some examples of how I might be attentive or what kind of attention you enjoy?"

Thanks

 

[unregistered]

 

[presch]

Then, you need to take Erika's advice and just ask her. If you're comfortable enough to have sex with her, you should be able to start a conversation about sex. And, this conversation isn't even very intimidating. Just ask her.

My husband and I had this conversation ages ago. He used to always say to me "Wanna do it?" (Remember we were young when we first married). Finally one day I said to him, "I'd really like it if you would whisper to me from behind that you want to make love with me." He was genuinely ecstatic that I told him what I wanted. Over time this morphed into signals and clues that we developed together over many years, some of them by accident (inside jokes). Have fun and just talk about it.

By the way, SO = significant other.

see thats onee of the reasons i would want to get married,
(to a woman who can keep up with me)
for the sly sex and ramdomly placed sex,
its just really crap wanting what you can't have

ps thanks for the SO thing

 

[rthnck]

This answer to this question at least from my perspective is maddeningly complex. I'm reminded in Star Wars when Han Solo says ""Keep your distance... but don't look like you're keeping your distance" and when Chewbacca expresses bewilderment, Hans says, "I don't know, fly casual"

That's the way I feel with this asking for sex conundrum. Attention has to be spontaneous and at the very least, appear sincere. Insincere overtures, initiated with the sole purpose of "getting some action" will only serve to drive a wedge into a relationship and make your partner feel cheap.

If you have to ask the question you're already on that slippery slope IMHO. Women like massages given with no expected return, comments that show you are paying attention to them (nice dress, like your hair, you look hot today, etc. And any action that shows they are important to you. Not just on their birthday, holidays or when you are horny.

The more of that in a relationship when you truly feel it and mean it, the more sex there will be. If it's false or insincere, prepare for a chill in the air. Don't fake it. Fly casual. If you have to fake it, the relationship is already on shaky ground.

 

[A_Kefka]

Women like massages given with no expected return.

Reminds me of one time I had. It was our first date, and I'd gotten the feeling that nothing was going to happen, which I was fine with. Kinda prefer to take it a bit slower anyway. We were at my place after dinner, just sitting on the couch watching a movie. She asked if she could put her feet up becasue they were sore, and I said sure. Since her feet were on my lap, I just started massaging them. By the time the movie was over she practically dragged me into my bedroom. Guess a foot massage really got her going (or it could be that she wanted to get some but wanted to get a feel for me first).

 

[infinity706]

No. Who has the power depends on the specific people in the relationship and their specific power dynamic.

Agreed. Ironically, the kinky dom chick ended up being the first woman to respond, though.

 

[SweetErika]

Agreed. Ironically, the kinky dom chick ended up being the first woman to respond, though.

Why is that ironic? I strongly encourage and expect my partners to ask for what they need and want. I guess I wasn't in line when they handed out the mindreading powers with the dominance.

The only thing D/s dictates in my relationships in this regard is who has the final say on what actually happens. More often than not though, I'll happily choose to go with what my partner asks for.

This certainly isn't the case for all dominants or D/s relationships, but that's where the 'specific people and power dynamic' part comes in.

 

[presch]

This answer to this question at least from my perspective is maddeningly complex. I'm reminded in Star Wars when Han Solo says ""Keep your distance... but don't look like you're keeping your distance" and when Chewbacca expresses bewilderment, Hans says, "I don't know, fly casual"

Truely talk,
I think that's exactly what I needed to know
I thnk I really know what hans was saying
You rock!!

 

[presch]

Reminds me of one time I had. It was our first date, and I'd gotten the feeling that nothing was going to happen, which I was fine with. Kinda prefer to take it a bit slower anyway. We were at my place after dinner, just sitting on the couch watching a movie. She asked if she could put her feet up becasue they were sore, and I said sure. Since her feet were on my lap, I just started massaging them. By the time the movie was over she practically dragged me into my bedroom. Guess a foot massage really got her going (or it could be that she wanted to get some but wanted to get a feel for me first).

Very well played hahaha
I'll never look at feet in the sameXD
Your really must have magic fingers lol
Here's the real question?
Was there any alchohol involved?

 

[A_Kefka]

no,none at all.

 

[presch]

no,none at all.

That is true skill
I take my hat off to you

 

[A_Kefka]

Why thank you. Hasn't always been that easy, but I do find that being nice and doing things like that gets women in the mood.

 

[infinity706]

Why is that ironic? I strongly encourage and expect my partners to ask for what they need and want. I guess I wasn't in line when they handed out the mindreading powers with the dominance.

The only thing D/s dictates in my relationships in this regard is who has the final say on what actually happens. More often than not though, I'll happily choose to go with what my partner asks for.

This certainly isn't the case for all dominants or D/s relationships, but that's where the 'specific people and power dynamic' part comes in.

It's ironic because you disagree with his point, yet you happen to be the first female poster and a dominant. (most people assume dominants have all the power despite it not being actually true )

 

[presch]

Why thank you. Hasn't always been that easy, but I do find that being nice and doing things like that gets women in the mood.

So by being an old fashioned kind of gentlemen?
Or by being sensitive?

 

[presch]

It's ironic because you disagree with his point, yet you happen to be the first female poster and a dominant. (most people assume dominants have all the power despite it not being actually true )

He has a point erika,if a guy and girl are on a date, or just met in a club
It's 99% of the time the guy will want sex but up to The girl whether it'll happened Or not

 

[DoriSmiles]

Asking for sex always depends on the lead up, like if your out at a club dancing and stuff, making small gestures like kissing her neck teasingly or whispering in her ear about thinking shes sexy will make her noticed that your in a "sexy time" mood. Whereas i understand that it is hard when its like randomly feeling horny, mid day kind of thing. What my guy used and still does was he would work on whatever i found most sexy or a turn on. For example, i love my guys hands, just looking at them turns me on, and so whenever he wanted sex he would start touching my gently on my shoulders and legs, and it would almost be like a teasing massage, eventually i would understand what he wants and bingo.

Although everything said here about being attentive, loving, and basically being a slave to your women through your senses, many women love to know that they drive a man crazy and if you just even once in a while stare at her and say things like "your so gorgeous you make my pulse race just by seeing you" she while definately see you as a more caring and sharing boyfriend, and with this she should not mind if you start being more open and asking for sex.
But please bare in mind, if your sat on your bed, in your tighty whities with a hard on whining "Cannnn weee haaavvveee seeexxx?" don't expect her to come running to you legs a kimbo. You have to play on your sexy side.

I hope this has been helpful and good luck
x

 

[infinity706]

He has a point erika,if a guy and girl are on a date, or just met in a club
It's 99% of the time the guy will want sex but up to The girl whether it'll happened Or not

Actually, that wasn't my point at all. Besides, from my experience, a large percentage of women go on a date hoping to get fucked, too. I've heard more than enough stories from women about their disappointment that the guy didn't put out, so it goes both ways. Honestly, a fair percentage of the time, there ends up being no sex because the guy's so caught up in how to get her panties off that he totally misses the invitation. It's not like most women actually come right out and ask, "Wanna fuck?"

As for first dates specifically, some people just don't fuck on a first date ever. It's all part of building the suspense for them. It's not limited to just women, though. Some guys like to be a bit of a cuntteaser, too. They'll go out of the way to excite a woman, but might even make her wait serveral dates before hopping into bed with her.

My point was specifically about Erica personally having the power by being a dominant, rather than any sort of generalization.

 

[rydia57]

Wow. Women have the power? I didn't know. All these years of being horny with and all, I thought it was the other way around. Oh well...