asking for my grandma's wedding ring.

[Guest]

my grandma died last year and i would like to ask my grandpa if i could have her wedding ring but i don't know how to do that. how can i politely and respectfully ask him for the ring? the reason that im asking for it is because im the youngest of the male grandkids and im not married yet but when the time comes and i do get married i want to give the ring to my wife.

 

[silverwhisper]

if i were you, i'd wait until you've got someone you intend to propose to. i think there's a risk of seeming predatory in the meantime.

have you discussed this with your parents? they might be better able to broach the idea to him.

ed

 

[wicked woman]

Such sentimental things should be given, not asked for. If your grandmother never mentioned giving it to you, I wouldn't ask.

If there are any female relatives who might be an appropriate recipient, I wouldn't ask either. Call it sexist, but given to a woman the ring stays in the family...given to an in-law, if anything happens to the marriage, the ring is gone from the family.

Also, despite Prince William giving his mother's engagement ring to Kate, I don't know how many women now a days would want a second hand ring that holds no sentiment for them....engagement or wedding. To ask, before you know if your future fiancee will even wear it seems out of place.

This said as a woman who was given her grandmother's engagement ring and wore it proudly....and someone who would never have worn someone else's grandmother's ring.

 

[Sonchyenne]

My ex and chronically unemployed husband asked his mother for her mother's wedding ring for our marriage. I was amenable: it didn't matter to me one way or another so long as we didn't go further into debt. His mother negotiated with him that should our marriage end, the ring got returned to her. I have big hands and her mother had tiny ones, so we contacted her to make sure it was alright to get the ring enlarged and she said yes.

When we split up, he asked for the ring back and I returned it. It held no sentimental value for me, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

My parents had a horrid marriage, so the idea of wearing their rings would have given me the heebies. When my mother died sixteen years after my father, nobody wanted their rings.

All said and done, I would have preferred to have had my own ring.

 

[SweetErika]

I agree you should wait until marriage is imminent. Then you should discuss it with your fiancee, and ask for the ring if SHE wants that ring, rather than a new/different one.

That, or wait until your grandpa passes away, if the ring just holds a lot of sentimental value for you (remember that it's only been a year, and it probably means far more to your grandpa to have it at this point).

I've worn my grandma's wedding set since she passed away when I was 13. They're not worth much money, but they have an intricate design and hold immense sentimental value for me.

When my husband and I were dating, I mentioned that I wouldn't mind getting them resized to use for our rings someday. He was completely opposed to the idea of using "used" rings; I think as a man, he felt it was his duty to give me something himself. So, I happily wear those rings on my right pinky, the promise ring he got me on my right ring finger, and the rings we picked out together on my left ring finger. I would be happy using my grandma's rings, but I have to say my husband was right because the new ones we chose together are absolutely perfect for me and have created important new memories and sentimental value for both of us.

 

[RNJAG]

***********

 

[GiggLeGasm]

Boy - I have some opinions.

First, and I assume you already know because you posed this as a question to gather input, grandma's wedding ring is a big deal. It may represent one of the oldest memories your grandfather has of his deceased wife and it might be best if he is allowed time to decide that the moment is right to pass on his love's treasures.

Next, I agree with everyone else. If you ask (and it's a big if) you need a pending bride. That's kind of like buying a size 2 dress because you just started a diet. It just seems poorly timed, a little presumptious, and somewhat farfetched.

Finally, I have to agree with Wicked on this one. You indicated that you're the youngest of the male grandkids which leads me to believe there are girls. Even if they're all married, it seems inappropriate that the ring go to someone outside the direct family tree. Girls expect to carry on the momentos of their female ancestors. Perhaps the oldest girl is already dreaming about giving the ring to HER daughter.. even if she doesn't have one yet.

I guess you need to decide if this request is worth the potential family fallout if you openly seek the ring. Good luck.