Asking for Feedback from other authors

[JessWilson1985]

I posted my first story on Literotica over the weekend. Would it be too much to ask some of you other authors to take a look, read the story, and tell me what you think? Helpful constructive criticism is welcome, not just pats on the back.

Dr April's Deviancy, In Her Own Words

Thank you.

 

[OneAuthor]

I enjoyed the plot of the story. It could have used some editing to clean up spelling and grammar issues, but otherwise it was quite good.

 

[8letters]

It was pretty good. Different. But you had way too much narrative summary at the beginning. I think it would have been better if you started with Peter's arrival and then fed us backstory as she talked with Peter.

Edit: Also, it would have been better if it was longer. Have quite a bit of flirting before the patients go under. Describe more what Peter and Monica look like. Each page up to six on average results in a better rating and more views, favorites and comments.

 

[Inkhorn]

I’m new here myself, so I know how you might feel! You might want to take my comments with a grain of salt.

I did enjoy the story! No question about that! For improvements? Maybe start off mid-action and then backfill in the details as you go. One thing I know that I would have enjoyed would have been more attention to her reactions and thoughts while watching him go under, build up the anticipation and her sense of arousal as his eyelids got heavier and heavier.

Otherwise? Good story. Thank you for sharing it, and here’s to seeing more from you in the future!

 

[8letters]

Another route you could have taken is that Peter is the first patient the dentist has sex with while he's under. Then dentist would be conflicted about doing it, knowing she'd lose her license if she was caught. But she can't resist at least feeling Peter's cock while he's out. And then each time he comes in, it escalates even more. Of course, she and Peter flirt more boldly at each visit. And when Monica flirts with her, the dentist can't resist experimenting with her.

To me, drama is good. Stories where everybody wants to have sex and happily give into their desires aren't as interesting as stories where people struggle with wanting to have sex but eventually submit to their desires.

 

[Vix_Giovanni]

Congrats on submitting your first story! Hopefully, you’re very proud of yourself and your accomplishment!

In my very humble opinion, offered with a grain of salt, “Dr. April’s Deviancy” read like a first draft rather than a finished story: clever, interesting and original, but nonetheless, underdeveloped. As for composition, I disagree that there’s any problem with a heavy narrative, if that’s the direction you want to take. A well-developed story certainly can work wonders as narrative or exposition (think David Copperfield, Atonement, As I Lay Dying, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, etc etc). Give yourself time to flush out your ideas, revisit your draft and assert your authorial voice in the storytelling—back story, plot timing, character arc, conflict development, suspension of disbelief, etc— and I think you’ll be very satisfied.

Hope this helps!

 

[KelvinBlack]

Enjoyed the story... I agree with the points about the odd typo being spotted - I think this kind of gives the impression that it's still in first draft mode. Nevertheless, an enjoyable read... thanks for posting it. K.

 

[flytime]

My first post, hope it fell in the right place.
There are a few comments I’ve wanted to make for a while now. I signed up a year or two ago and I’ve been reading the stories and some of the posts to the various forums. I like Literotica a lot. I began with the stories, and then started looking around the forums to learn a bit more about others like me. So I’m still a newbie here, however, I’m planning to post a few stories of my own soon. In my view they are quite edgy and illicitly evocative. While they are not stories of true actual events and while they do not represent real people, it was my plan to put the disclaimers at the end of the stories. My thinking is that I really enjoy a true storey a few degrees more than a made up one. But having said this, a fantasy is a true story of the mind; they can be classified as true sexual fantasy. So to a certain degree sexual fantasy would qualify in the true category as well. So my plan is to put the disclaimers at the end so the reader wouldn’t realize until the end that it was all just another one of my wet dreams.
On another note, is there a way the stories can be categorized by Male and Female Authors?
It is my thought that women write differently, word usage, style, and certain kinds of respect/disrespectful notions for themselves. For example would a woman use cock over penis more than a male writer?
Another example, do women writers have a different concept of respect/disrespect for their bodies than a man dose for his or hers? A male writer may think he is conveying love or passion when in reality most people know that no self-respecting woman would really feel that way? The idea behind my questions are to see how males and females use word smithing to write realism into the story.
Ok that’s all for now
Thanks

 

[Inkhorn]

My first post, hope it fell in the right place.
There are a few comments I’ve wanted to make for a while now. I signed up a year or two ago and I’ve been reading the stories and some of the posts to the various forums. I like Literotica a lot. I began with the stories, and then started looking around the forums to learn a bit more about others like me. So I’m still a newbie here, however, I’m planning to post a few stories of my own soon. In my view they are quite edgy and illicitly evocative. While they are not stories of true actual events and while they do not represent real people, it was my plan to put the disclaimers at the end of the stories. My thinking is that I really enjoy a true storey a few degrees more than a made up one. But having said this, a fantasy is a true story of the mind; they can be classified as true sexual fantasy. So to a certain degree sexual fantasy would qualify in the true category as well. So my plan is to put the disclaimers at the end so the reader wouldn’t realize until the end that it was all just another one of my wet dreams.
On another note, is there a way the stories can be categorized by Male and Female Authors?
It is my thought that women write differently, word usage, style, and certain kinds of respect/disrespectful notions for themselves. For example would a woman use cock over penis more than a male writer?
Another example, do women writers have a different concept of respect/disrespect for their bodies than a man dose for his or hers? A male writer may think he is conveying love or passion when in reality most people know that no self-respecting woman would really feel that way? The idea behind my questions are to see how males and females use word smithing to write realism into the story.
Ok that’s all for now
Thanks

This would probably be better as it’s own thread somewhere else. The Author’s Hangout, maybe? This thread is for feedback on JessWilson1985’s recent story.

 

[AlexBailey]

Very nice first work.

As someone getting ready to post their own first work, I found it very intimidating, and exciting!
Gotta ask, how do you feel about going to the dentist?

Little Shop of April's?

 

[flytime]

Very nice first work.

As someone getting ready to post their own first work, I found it very intimidating, and exciting!
Gotta ask, how do you feel about going to the dentist?

Little Shop of April's?

Hey, Thanks so much for the comments. It’s really cool to wake up in the morning and find them in my email.
On the other Issue, the dentist, it’s downright terrifying and anxiety riddling for me. The expectation of pain is extreme. However, my bubble gets popped most times after the procedures. My mind literally tears my body apart with fear, and then the reality is far less than I was imagining it to be.
Never the less, it’s hasn’t got, or doesn’t get easier for me. I have to ask, what’s with the dentist question?
Getting your comment is really cool for me.
Thanks

 

[flytime]

Hey Thanks for the comment. I appreciate the help very much. I’m a newbie and I’m still trying to navigate and post to the appropriate forums. I hope to build my skills with in literotica, the forums and develop my erotic writing skills.
Thanks

 

[FilthyFantasy]

Some tips.

Hi Jess, or should I call you Dr. April? I noticed a few things I felt like I could help you with in your quest for betterment.

These quotes, "" denotes that something is being spoken. Letters on a sign would be best encapsulated with '' instead of "". A minor detail of course and doesn't make or break a story.

Example; My office sign reads, 'Dr. April Winslow, DDS.' instead of; My office sign reads, "Dr. April Winslow, DDS."

Another minor detail would be to write out numbers. Example; I am rather tall at five foot ten. Instead of; I am rather tall, 5'10."

Something that you do well that most people don't is that you instinctively feel the need to explain why something is possible. Case in point you describe the circumstances around how she's able to get away with having sex with her patients without being found out. Believe it or not but a lot of people would just rush straight into the sedation sex without explaining how it is she doesn't get caught.

Another thing you do well is that you describe more than just visuals, the more senses you incoporate in your story the more real it will feel. Example of that would be that you mention how the room 'smells of sex'. Sound, smell, taste, feel and visuals are all important to create an atmopshere and many neglect at least one of them.

I'm running out of time now so this is all I will end up commenting before I have to go. I think you're off to a good start, and though of course there are things to improve on, I think practice and mindfulness will take care of it for you. Keep writing girl!!