Ask a MtF TG a question

[coati]

Yea, my words were "It's about me being a boy" so almost word for word, but I still can't think of a better way of raising the subject and getting your parents' 100% attention

You know, pondering this for the past few days, it kind of takes my breath away just thinking about that first conversation you had.

You've made an extraordinary journey, but you seem to be happier and much more content for being brave and taking the initiative in the first place, and then following through with so much work since then.

 

[stickygirl]

Yes, I share coati's sentiment of how your efforts over the years have helped many on their journey. I'm really happy to hear that your mother was a "smart woman" and was there for you. No doubt you're happier than I am for that. We've all witnessed and brushed up against ignorance. It's one of the hardest things in the world to counter. It's worthy to try and recognize that ignorance in a self-defensive way that turns our own anger for them into a more productive direction. Ignorance is very hard to cure, persuade or argue with. The old saying comes to mind; 'Don't wrestle with pigs, they like it and you just get dirty.'

Thanks - both you and coati - you've both been so kind and generous in your support and I really, really appreciate it That's not to exclude the many others that have joined in the discussions over the years too. What ever happened to Safebet?!
My Mum's the best and I'm a lucky girl to have her, and my sister, for family.

Ignorance? Hmm, I've learned to pick my fights and walk away too. If people don't want to understand or learn there's nothing I can do about it.

You know, pondering this for the past few days, it kind of takes my breath away just thinking about that first conversation you had.

You've made an extraordinary journey, but you seem to be happier and much more content for being brave and taking the initiative in the first place, and then following through with so much work since then.

You know it's actually quite difficult to put myself in that pre-transition mindset now. I remember particular landmarks and I have my diary, but it feels like, and was, a long time ago now. But that's how it should be: we need to live in the moment and plan for the future.
I still help out occasionally with the student LGBT group at Uni, but I think they look at me like I was an old relic!!

 

[KatiBTQP]

You know it's actually quite difficult to put myself in that pre-transition mindset now. I remember particular landmarks and I have my diary, but it feels like, and was, a long time ago now. But that's how it should be: we need to live in the moment and plan for the future.
I still help out occasionally with the student LGBT group at Uni, but I think they look at me like I was an old relic!!

I guess that happens when your brain chemistry literally changes, plus all the personal growth in that time I can relate too it's kind of impossible to get into my old mindset.

I think you have a great attitude about living in the moment too! It can be helpful to see how far you've come but dwelling on the past too much means you are missing out on life and it sounds like yours is a lot better now.

 

[stickygirl]

I guess that happens when your brain chemistry literally changes, plus all the personal growth in that time I can relate too it's kind of impossible to get into my old mindset.

I think you have a great attitude about living in the moment too! It can be helpful to see how far you've come but dwelling on the past too much means you are missing out on life and it sounds like yours is a lot better now.

Hi Kati and welcome to Lit. I'm chuffed you posted here first

 

[Asian_Flower]

Hi Sticky, I hope you dont mind me asking this. There is a thread on the Fetish forum called Pretty girls with nice cocks. Many of the pics show the girls erect and sometimes they have very large penises and testicles. I have met a few trans girls living here in Asia and I came to understand from them that with hormone treatments and such that these things did not work so much anymore? Is that true? Sorry if I sound naive about this.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Hi Sticky, I hope you dont mind me asking this. There is a thread on the Fetish forum called Pretty girls with nice cocks. Many of the pics show the girls erect and sometimes they have very large penises and testicles. I have met a few trans girls living here in Asia and I came to understand from them that with hormone treatments and such that these things did not work so much anymore? Is that true? Sorry if I sound naive about this.

Trans porn, like other porn is often unrealistic...and I say so even though I enjoy it. The girls often undergo surgical feminization procedures, but not so much on the hormonal side to facilitate performance.
That, and Sildenafil is the norm for those who are on HRT.
Kimber James for instance, used that career to achieve her goal of genital surgery, and her later years of performing with male genitalia, the parts were present but not in play.

Not intending to hijack; but the more answers to this, the better. Too few people post attention to such details or invest the energy to understand.

 

[stickygirl]

Hi Sticky, I hope you dont mind me asking this. There is a thread on the Fetish forum called Pretty girls with nice cocks. Many of the pics show the girls erect and sometimes they have very large penises and testicles. I have met a few trans girls living here in Asia and I came to understand from them that with hormone treatments and such that these things did not work so much anymore? Is that true? Sorry if I sound naive about this.

Thanks for the question and Blade has it about right. I don't know any trans porn stars, but there do seem to be some who think, or are persuaded, that by turning their body into a manga-style fetish object, they'll get more work & money. So breast implants and a bit of facial surgery for the top half, then penis pumps and bleached assholes for the bottom half. If the photos are stills, then Photoshop will be used and increasingly, moving images can be doctored - scary stuff.

I gather Bailey Jay has now had surgery, so her penis is gone. I'd guess she figured out how much money she could invest for her future and planned around that, so that's a means to an end. (That's not to say that there is a proscribed route for all trans women to finish up with genital surgery and many are happy to keep their weewee.) I hope, but doubt, that other trans porn stars are able to plan for their future in that way.

Once a trans woman starts on hormones, then the genitals shrink and they lose their ability to maintain erections. However a couple off weeks off hormones will allow the body to revert back to testosterone power and both size and hardness can return ( any breast growth remains... but implants anyway ). As Blade pointed out, any of the Viagra type of drugs will ensure the porn actor can keep an erection going no matter what hormones they are taking.

Just like any other area of the porn industry - image sells; youth sells, extremes sell and none of it has a positive impact on your regular trans woman who wants to just get on with a normal life. If your income is derived from porn films or prostitution then you pretty much set yourself up to be exploited and there are likely to be a long term effects to physical and mental health.

 

[Asian_Flower]

Thank you Blade and Sticky for the great answers, I really had no idea about this.

 

[stickygirl]

Here's a YT that is pretty good.


I've watched a few of Robin's vids and she's a regular fucked up teenage trans girl and so it's painful to watch her in some of her posts. This one is great - she's nailed a number of topics from suggestions other girls have made, so defo worth 5 mins of your time. I'd put the pain of tucking out of my mind

HNY

My resolution for 2020: stay off the GB. Even though the topics there are relevant and current to normal life, the posts are from people you never, ever want to meet in normal life. It's a nasty, aggressive male space. I don't need that shit in my life

 

[yukonnights]

Here's a YT that is pretty good.


I've watched a few of Robin's vids and she's a regular fucked up teenage trans girl and so it's painful to watch her in some of her posts. This one is great - she's nailed a number of topics from suggestions other girls have made, so defo worth 5 mins of your time. I'd put the pain of tucking out of my mind

HNY

My resolution for 2020: stay off the GB. Even though the topics there are relevant and current to normal life, the posts are from people you never, ever want to meet in normal life. It's a nasty, aggressive male space. I don't need that shit in my life

It's a good resolution. I lurk there from time to time just to consider the current state of the human condition. I usually feel like I'm in the presence of Russian or other state sponsored actors who's sole purpose is to cause divisions in society But that doesn't explain the guy at the stoplight yesterday

 

[stickygirl]

It's a good resolution. I lurk there from time to time just to consider the current state of the human condition. I usually feel like I'm in the presence of Russian or other state sponsored actors who's sole purpose is to cause divisions in society But that doesn't explain the guy at the stoplight yesterday

Russian pay was always crap... they're scraping the barrel in the GB

 

[stickygirl]

Self-partnered cynicism

Just because this is Literotica doesn't mean we're all nymphomaniacs. If we celebrate sex, then it can't be non-stop party or else the party mood either quickly turns sour or else becomes the norm: six orgasms a day - check. Right now, I've been single and celibate for ... around 18mths and for a while that bothered me. I almost felt guilty for being happy "Wot? Happy but no sex?!".

So it was heartening to read that Paris Lees is in a similar situation in her recent article in UK Vogue. Enjoying being me no longer requires the validation of slippery bits and mixed up knickers in the morning. There's a danger in sounding smug, which I think was why Emma Watson got such bad press for her self-partnered expression ( to be fair, it was a weird expression ). The way to avoid sounding smug is much the same as any other lifestyle choice - don't talk about it, just do it. Same goes for vegans... especially vegans. So you can have your zucchini and eat it

 

[stickygirl]

more than a twat

You may not have heard of one of our UK tv hosts Jonathan Ross and I've always found him a bit of a slime-ball. He recently tweeted supported to an anti-trans entertainer that was completely unnecessary. Poor old Graham Linehan... maybe he's just short of bookings?

Interestingly, Ross was challenged previously over his views and backed down when Paris Lees interviewed him and his cringeworthy sycophancy didn't wash.

Bottom line is... he's a bit of a twat.

Complete topic change: I have the perfect card for my Mum
https://66.media.tumblr.com/7b9bae0fdcfe79dc3eaec5fd57a8fb11/caff40ff17aaa376-71/s500x750/456b7c1c0208c9c342d6d81875723587f7e95c8a.png but my sis prolly got there first

 

[coati]

Complete topic change: I have the perfect card for my Mum
but my sis prolly got there first

My guess is that your mom did a good job with both of you.

 

[stickygirl]

March 31 2020 is Transgender Day of Visibility so I went to Sainsburys with a face mask on and kept out of people's way. I probably got as many odd looks from people through wearing a mask as I used when I first transitioned. I'm sure there are other parallels to be drawn, but frankly, getting through this Covid mess is everyone's priority.

You can find some benefits in social isolation: wearing PJs all day is an obvious one, but I have been trying different make up combos - those virgin tablets of eyeshadow from a Boots selection that you bought ten years ago then never used except dusk brown/pale ivory. There's the "Mom-I'm-a-Whore-Now" lippy too, which is only ever good for swalking an envelope. I'll avoid used the out of date Nair, but next time I need to strip some paint...

So Transgender Day of Visibility can give all of us a chance to reflect that it doesn't matter what you've got between your legs, the virus still wants you. Be safe

 

[blade_rocknut]

March 31 2020 is Transgender Day of Visibility so I went to Sainsburys with a face mask on and kept out of people's way. I probably got as many odd looks from people through wearing a mask as I used when I first transitioned. I'm sure there are other parallels to be drawn, but frankly, getting through this Covid mess is everyone's priority.

You can find some benefits in social isolation: wearing PJs all day is an obvious one, but I have been trying different make up combos - those virgin tablets of eyeshadow from a Boots selection that you bought ten years ago then never used except dusk brown/pale ivory. There's the "Mom-I'm-a-Whore-Now" lippy too, which is only ever good for swalking an envelope. I'll avoid used the out of date Nair, but next time I need to strip some paint...

So Transgender Day of Visibility can give all of us a chance to reflect that it doesn't matter what you've got between your legs, the virus still wants you. Be safe

Indeed.
I'm not feeling very visible this year. Tdov caught me in a very femme headspace last year or two...this time, not so much.
Crises tend to drive me into protector mode.

 

[stargame]

March 31 2020 is Transgender Day of Visibility so I went to Sainsburys with a face mask on and kept out of people's way. I probably got as many odd looks from people through wearing a mask as I used when I first transitioned. I'm sure there are other parallels to be drawn, but frankly, getting through this Covid mess is everyone's priority.

You can find some benefits in social isolation: wearing PJs all day is an obvious one, but I have been trying different make up combos - those virgin tablets of eyeshadow from a Boots selection that you bought ten years ago then never used except dusk brown/pale ivory. There's the "Mom-I'm-a-Whore-Now" lippy too, which is only ever good for swalking an envelope. I'll avoid used the out of date Nair, but next time I need to strip some paint...

So Transgender Day of Visibility can give all of us a chance to reflect that it doesn't matter what you've got between your legs, the virus still wants you. Be safe

I am enjoying social distancing too, and staying home. I don't think I even put clothes on for the first two weeks, well maybe cute panties and a feminine robe

 

[yukonnights]

I've got a question! Are you familiar with Diana Tourjee and do you have an opinion on her work for Vice? I ran into this article of hers a while ago and it really struck me. I have trans women in my life, including my sister, but I've never been honest with any of them about my own trans attraction (or "transamorousness", as Tourjee would call it), so I've never bounced this off any of them to see what they think.

An excerpt:

Just read the linked article and honestly it was quite an eye-opener. Of course it is spot on. I look forward to stickygirl's take.

In the meantime my thoughts are that most humans are reluctant to step too far outside of societies norms and rules. An example could be a mixed race cis-male/cis-female relationship where one or both of the people's culture frowns on stepping outside of the rules. For example; A woman in a strict Christian culture/family in love with a man in a strict Islamic culture/family.

In order to have the one, they must give up the other to some degree. This is a hard choice to have to make.

The answer lies in broader understanding and acceptance of the reality and normalcy of the transgender experience. That said, it would certainly further that broader understanding if the men who hide in the shadows would at the least become educated on the issue and advocate for reality to be accepted by the majority. It's on a person to person basis that our arguments and facts can change society one person at a time. I feel sorry for both the trans-female and the cis-male who is attracted to her or loves her. (But that's not to ignore the fact that many men are ass-holes to both cis-females and/or trans-females.)

 

[stickygirl]

I've got a question! Are you familiar with Diana Tourjee and do you have an opinion on her work for Vice? I ran into this article of hers a while ago and it really struck me. I have trans women in my life, including my sister, but I've never been honest with any of them about my own trans attraction (or "transamorousness", as Tourjee would call it), so I've never bounced this off any of them to see what they think.

An excerpt:

Thanks for the post, though I’m not sure where to start, or more’s the point, where to stop in answering this one.

Mention trans-amorous or trans attractive or trans anything and it’s like talking football teams, where everyone has an opinion but few have any first hand knowledge: how many professional footballers do you count as friends?!

Diana’s writing describes a world seen through her cultural lens: the hard, fast world of New York. The city is a crucible of diversity and extremes and, while it would not claim to represent the lives of all transgender people, her article does shine a spotlight on issues that affect the wider trans world.

Capitalist economies encourage winners and losers, so as you tumble down the ladder of employability, women, and trans women in particular, often have no choice but to sell their body for sex. The porn industry thrives on the kink, selling it to so-called straight men, which reinforces the idea that being trans, or having sex with a trans woman, is illicit and shameful. It’s easier for society to write-off all transgender people as corruption personified, than accept the guilty truth: that society itself fails them. You don’t need to wear the badge of sex-worker to suffer, because all women have experienced being judged for sex, but at least cis-gender women can blend in more easily and often have more legal rights. It’s a perfect vicious circle for trans women: the prostitute held in check by our pimp society. She can’t better herself because who would employ her?

For the cis gender man, it’s easier to resolve his conscience, or ease his guilty sexual attraction, by kicking it (her) away when he’s done. A strong-minded man can resist peer group pressure, but we can’t expect every man to be able to do that. Neither can all trans women be a Laverne Cox or Janet Mock, because we don’t all have enough support from our families as we go through school. Society has to accept that it has created inequality and do something about it: by including people it has pushed to its margins.

It’s great that writers like Diana raise these kind of problems, but she doesn’t offer a solution - not that the scope of her article gives space. She doesn’t need to be the person that does either, but she will need to shout louder or reach further than vice.com if she expects change.

How do you make a man wake up next to you? My grandmother would probably have said ‘make yourself a person that deserves it’. We accept the love we think we deserve. That might sound trite, but a trans woman needs to be more than a fast shag to be taken seriously. I hear ya Diana

 

[stickygirl]

My first exposure to trans people was through porn, unfortunately.

It probably is for most teenagers, or they get sent some dodgy gif on WhatsApp by a friend.

I'm hoping this is something that will improve as the trans community gains more visibility in mainstream society and media, and future generations grow up with it just being a part of life ... do you think that's an overly optimistic view?

It's a long time coming. Yes, I think it'll change. I've seen plenty of cynicism over social media adding options to describe yourself as as pansexual or demi-bi-amorous... but at least they're talking about it!!! That's a big win.

I think my case is probably not typical, but I'm less concerned about the reaction of other cisgender "straight" men (probably a third of whom are already secretly watching trans porn anyway...) than I am with squaring my attraction with my ethics. How can a cisgender man ethically seek out relationships with trans women in the first place?

Ethically? I'm not sure I follow.

Is there already a core problem in that question (the idea that you would need to seek out trans women in any different way from women in general)?

'Seek out' yea, that's unfortunately true. Tinder provides the solution these days but it's not something of which I have any experience.
ETA Except that most men will have met a trans woman without clocking her. Regular guys get attracted to trans women without knowing their status, which then raises a whole other issue...

 

[coati]

My first exposure to trans people was through porn, unfortunately. I think that is true of most men of my age (late 20s, and I'm assumed everyone older, too).

My first exposure to trans people was reading about Renee Richards, a doctor who later became a tennis star. I remember noting her sense of dignity and gratefulness for becoming herself, despite all of the sensationalist and often demeaning media coverage she received.

My first in-person exposure was with an articulate local musician who ultimately ended up in the heartland of America. She, too, found dignity and gratefulness following some very tough times. From my observations of her over the years, her key to success was her honesty. And her sustaining sense of humor.

It makes all the difference in the world to learn about the whole person, not the sexual objectification of a person. That is why I appreciate Stickygirl, also.

 

[timreh]

How can a cisgender man ethically seek out relationships with trans women in the first place? Is there already a core problem in that question (the idea that you would need to seek out trans women in any different way from women in general)?

As a trans woman / non-binary person, my take is pretty simple.

How do people who are attracted to people with big busts ethically seek out relationships with people who have big busts? People are attracted to who / what they are attracted to. Some people like to date blondes, some like to date someone with a cute butt, some like to date a person with a beard … and we can go on and look at other physical bits and pieces that typically excite people.

I don't think there's anything unethical about seeking out that which appeals to you. But do the seeking out in a respectful way. Just as you would seek out any other person.

Trans women are women, but they also have their own unique experiences in life that are different than cis women's experiences.

If you want to date me, my body bits are the least interesting thing about me. If you don't figure that out in the first 20 seconds I likely won't be interested in dating you.

If I don't get the sense that I'll be "safe" with you, both physically and emotionally, then I won't be interested in dating you.

I'm not a trophy to be won, I'm not a notch in your bedpost, I'm just another human being who wants a relationship with someone who respects me and values me.

 

[stickygirl]

^^^ yup, what she said

 

[timreh]

 

[stickygirl]

This isn't a trans-related post, but as it's something that's been on my mind I thought it might be worth sharing in case anyone else feels the same... problems shared etc.

I've been on the point of going to the doctor ( but who in their right mind would visit a doctor right now?! ) because I've been feeling so ill: like tight chest, angry, tired. And probably like lots of other people I thought 'maybe I'm having a mild version of the the virus?' then I thought 'nah'. I noticed it was worse at work, where I'm working in isolation and under a lot of pressure to meet deadlines. I felt so ill yesterday, that I had to stop and rationalise: this was defo related to work, which didn't make sense because I am actually working shorter hours. Anyway, to save a ramble I concluded:
1. I am not able to discuss anything about work because I'm on my own
2. I can't really talk to anyone about how I feel because family don't get it and #1.
3. The deadlines are almost entirely self-imposed and the shorter hours actually make things worse.
Conclusion: stop being so shitty to myself - it's actually making me ill and knocking years off my life probably. This is a totally weird, fucked-up, stressful and unnatural situation we're all in ( not just me! ) so chill the fuck down and work out some new functioning MOs for this new normal.

Thought for the day
'Be nice to yourself first, then you'll stop being snappy with friends. Be like a river and flow around the problem - don't try to bash it down. Try to enjoy a good old fashioned weep every now and then. And stop shouting at flowers - that is such bad karma'.

Love to you all, keep being careful and fabulous