Ask a MtF TG a question

[yukonnights]

Got no clue if this can be a timely response but the whole thread almost brings me to tears over the pain and suffering expressed and implied and this question tips me over from lurking to poster.
EVERY single person who has ever lived has been "bent" in one way or another in childhood. Took me fifty years to get even a half grip on the reality of my worth as a person.
Realization of self-worth is made difficult for some by their upbringing and for ALL of us by the "noise" being blasted at us by thoughtless pundits, posters, "newsmen", bloggers vloggers and their ilk who have nothing to offer except sensational BS.
So, Sticky, lay it on us. At least we can be assured what you write will be reasoned and thoughtful.
And for all the rest of us sinners, remember that no stone was thrown at the adulteress when the first was to be thrown by he had had no sin.

Thanks for your response.
There are good parents and bad parents, but everyone needs the opportunity to break from the family mould and figure out what they want from life. Education is the key.

Yes, education is the key. Not just for children, but for everyone. It's societies at large that need educating in so many ways. However, instead of embracing truth and facts based knowledge, there seems to be a growing ground swell of "willful ignorance" on the rise in many societies. It's bad when parents get it wrong with their children, but it can be catastrophic when societies get the truth mixed up with ideology. Sadly, their seems to be an uptick in adhering to ones preconceived beliefs and opinions over educated fact in many societies. (climate change for example)

In the USA, I see this 'willful ignorance' growing into an aggressive 'flaunt it in your face' attitude. A lot of this is being pushed by right-wing ideology around the world...and it appears to be growing. I comprehend that this 'willful ignorance' is spawned in ideologies of tribalism, regionalism, politics, culture and religion...but I have no idea how to stop it or even try to slow it down.

If possible, I would recommend watching the series GayCation with Ellen Page. I know it's on HULU, not sure where else. It's a look a social acceptance of LGBTQ people in many locations around the world. At the end of the day, we're a long way from where we need to be on a global scale. [One chilling interview was with an ex-policeman in Brazil who openly admits that he has killed many gay people...and intends to continue with his like minded companions.]

I know this all comes off as negative...maybe defeatism; But how is the best way to push back at this right-wing cloud spreading over the world? Yes, education works...but only to for those open enough to actually listen. Or maybe it's just me who thinks this

 

[haurni]

I'm encouraged to see that education is reaching 'the younger generation'. While there's still a lot of taboo around 'non-traditional' sexual orientations and gender identities, kids and teens are talking more or less openly about these things now, and this can't be anything but good.

That my 16-year-old is able to participate in a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance) club in his Catholic high school in a heavily Italian area of my city, and be out (at least to some people) as a trans boy, is a vast improvement over how things were when I was a kid. Yes, it's not perfect, but it's progress.

Sometimes progress is simply about waiting for ignorant old folks to die off.

That said, the US is going down a rabbit-hole of its own making, so fuck them and all their bigotry, and my sympathies to all the people who are suffering as a result.

 

[stickygirl]

Hi guys

on the back of a pretty meaningless game of ping-pong with some transphobic old men on another thread (*waves to old men*) then yea, educating young people is always going to be ... productive

Here's a post from Sophie Labelle that's kinda timely
https://66.media.tumblr.com/5a3db858b003823fb63b1239880cec9a/tumblr_px2c2nsVQ11tm163xo1_540.jpg

Not that she'll ever read it, but a shout out to Charlie Martin, our UK trans racing driver who is just fantastic and is desperate to compete at LeMans 24hrs and that thing she drives is scary powerful. She's becoming a great spokesperson for LGBT and showing how none of us is mentally ill per se and quite able to live normal lives, if only people would stop making up shit about us.

Big star for me in passing a couple of exams recently, which is a weight off my mind. Hopefully I can get myself on track to do my masters in material science

 

[timreh]

I love Sophie's work!

And yes, it would be nice if the world would just let us exist without all the bigoted drama and ignorance fueled chaos.

<edit> Congrats on passing your exams!!

 

[coati]

Speaking of materials...

We really need some breakthroughs in material science, particularly in the area of localized energy production and storage.

 

[muycurioso]

we cannot and will not ever live on solar and wind

We really need some breakthroughs in material science, particularly in the area of localized energy production and storage.

unless only elite dems like Bernie get to keep the lights on. Cuz they are better than us.

Nuclear Power is the answer for our electricity needs.

 

[coati]

Ooops

unless only elite dems like Bernie get to keep the lights on. Cuz they are better than us.

Nuclear Power is the answer for our electricity needs.

Forgot that innovation for transportation and home power is not allowed to be mentioned under the Republicans' Fourth Reich. My bad.

Sorry I even brought up the peripheral topic.

 

[stickygirl]

Yup - there is a GB thread for this topic guys, thanks

 

[stickygirl]

So tonight, partly because I have a gross cold, I am staying in to watch a new film to me: Girl by Lukas Dhont, which of course comes with five stars. "Delicate and moving" it promises... my review to follow. I'm a bit miffed this flew under my radar for so long.

Aaargh this leaky nose... this may not be the best frame of mind to review anything but lets see

Wow, that was worth seeing. This is film for anyone who cares about people, who remembers how crap it is to be a teenager and how difficult it must be to be a parent.

The interview with the film's director in the Special section is worth listening toas he explains the back story to the film itself. I liked that his suggestion that there ought to be more trans films, telling the stories of different trans people - that we're not all the same and each, although having different lives and desires, often share experiences that aren't just limited to the scope of being trans. There was a lot of teenage angst that will be familiar to anyone but this film, naturally enough, breaks new ground.

Visually, I loved the use of reflections - in railway carriage windows, in shops and mirrors: how we view ourselves against the everyday backdrop, wherever we notice our own face looking back. There's a wonderful relationship between father and daughter: great to see a supportive family for a change - they do happen!! And a heart warming relationship between the Girl and her younger brother.

Overall, it's a niche film, worthy of its Cannes festival Un Certain Regard and you should see it. from me

 

[stickygirl]

So what does it mean if someone says "You're glowing" three times in one lunchtime meet up? Aside from checking I hadn't swallowed fissionable material, what did that mean? We only meet up in person every now and again, she knows my background, we have a professional work-based relationship, but the last couple of times, I've left wondering 'was she hitting on me?'
I know this is an aspie thing, because I don't get things intuitively. Any suggestions appreciated. As it happens, I really like her but I don't fancy her, but I don't want to lead her on either. Maybe I say nothing? I didn't know how to respond because I'm crap at this kind of thing

Oh also, a book review to follow shortly... still reading it, but recommended.

 

[blade_rocknut]

So what does it mean if someone says "You're glowing" three times in one lunchtime meet up? Aside from checking I hadn't swallowed fissionable material, what did that mean? We only meet up in person every now and again, she knows my background, we have a professional work-based relationship, but the last couple of times, I've left wondering 'was she hitting on me?'
I know this is an aspie thing, because I don't get things intuitively. Any suggestions appreciated. As it happens, I really like her but I don't fancy her, but I don't want to lead her on either. Maybe I say nothing? I didn't know how to respond because I'm crap at this kind of thing

Oh also, a book review to follow shortly... still reading it, but recommended.

Been a long time since I've visited you.

I would converse with her about it. Explain that her compliments made you feel good, but you're not entirely accustomed to receiving such. Perhaps that'll open the convo for her to expand on her comments without you having to state your interest or lack of.

 

[stickygirl]

Cheers BR. The first time I just shrugged and smiled, then when it came out again I felt confused but I thought I was reading too much into it... like over-thinking. Good idea though - I'll just ask her to explain if/when it happens again. Simple huh?

 

[coati]

So what does it mean if someone says "You're glowing" three times in one lunchtime meet up? Aside from checking I hadn't swallowed fissionable material, what did that mean? We only meet up in person every now and again, she knows my background, we have a professional work-based relationship, but the last couple of times, I've left wondering 'was she hitting on me?'
I know this is an aspie thing, because I don't get things intuitively. Any suggestions appreciated. As it happens, I really like her but I don't fancy her, but I don't want to lead her on either. Maybe I say nothing? I didn't know how to respond because I'm crap at this kind of thing

Oh also, a book review to follow shortly... still reading it, but recommended.

Sticky, I assume you did not ask her directly what she meant. I agree with Blade. If she makes a somewhat unclear statement about your appearance again, I would honestly ask her what she means. (like is it a diagnosis or a compliment or what?)

I have several professional relationships that are also friendships, and we have come to be very frank about the meaning of our various messages to each other. It actually helps to understand each other to do follow-up questions. And the women I know say that it helps them to either deepen the friendship or establish boundaries in a diplomatic way.

As a side note, I find that men rarely want to be asked follow-up questions in this way, but a few don't mind, and those relationships can benefit from those honest exchanges, also.

Good to hear your "glowing voice" again, as usual.

 

[yukonnights]

Cheers BR. The first time I just shrugged and smiled, then when it came out again I felt confused but I thought I was reading too much into it... like over-thinking. Good idea though - I'll just ask her to explain if/when it happens again. Simple huh?

I can see where this would be awkward. The only thought that flashed into my mind is; Isn't that a common thing people say to pregnant women? Which made me think that perhaps a good way to segue into a conversation, without it seeming too serious, might be with humor? Even your on thought about 'fissionable material' could be an ice breaker. Don't feel alone, it's hard for most people to really understand subtle hints and social cues.

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks folks for your thoughtful suggestions. I'm so clueless about these things and all of my dates have had to make things like really obvious to me because I otherwise think they're just being kind/friendly. I'm always a bit stand off-ish because I find starting a relationship unsettling and ending them catastrophic. At least I now know it's not because I'm a dork, but because I'm ASD

So yup, next time I'll ask but for now I've filed it as "you don't look as stressed as you used to" which is true, but all the same, three lots of glowing was odd.

 

[muycurioso]

a very cute trans woman

smile at me alot and looks my way. I talk to her briefly. She is very friendly towards me. You think she likes me? I am a lot older than her (she is an adult woman BTW)

 

[stickygirl]

smile at me alot and looks my way. I talk to her briefly. She is very friendly towards me. You think she likes me? I am a lot older than her (she is an adult woman BTW)

Talk some more, just like any person you'd like to get to know

 

[Bramblethorn]

Cheers BR. The first time I just shrugged and smiled, then when it came out again I felt confused but I thought I was reading too much into it... like over-thinking. Good idea though - I'll just ask her to explain if/when it happens again. Simple huh?

This is about authors, but also perfect for autistic folk:

https://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/18932682858/as-requested-by-too-many-people-making-the-last

 

[muycurioso]

Talk some more, just like any person you'd like to get to know

I plan on it. Ask some general questions and see what she says. She is so damn pretty.

 

[stickygirl]

This is about authors, but also perfect for autistic folk:

https://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/18932682858/as-requested-by-too-many-people-making-the-last

Ha!! Love it

 

[yukonnights]

This is about authors, but also perfect for autistic folk:

https://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/18932682858/as-requested-by-too-many-people-making-the-last

I think I see myself described in his words too. But in defense, the people in my head are most often so nice and understandable...

 

[stickygirl]

Yes, you are trans enough

Book review
Yes, you are trans enough, by Mia Violet 2018
My transition from self-loathing to self-love
https://twitter.com/OhMiaGod
This would make a great xmas present for someone going through, been through, supporting, or trying to understand, transitioning.
It's a bit of a ramble, but an engaging one, as Mia recounts incidents from her childhood, puberty, college and finally her transition in her twenties. She faced being stonewalled by her parents, found acceptance online, support from her girlfriend but, no spoilers here, her biggest obstacle was herself. Years of denial, depression and dysphoria do not magic away - it takes time to undo a lifetime of cis-gender, heterosexual conditioning.

I wanted to find a couple of quotes: sentences that leapt off the page for me, but you'll have to forgive a paraphrase. 'The cause of my dysphoria was not because I was a girl trapped in a girls body, but from having to play the role of a boy everyday'. Another one that made me gulp was her first exchange with her therapist "It's about my gender" - pretty much how I started the conversation with my mother.

I'll give it out of five

 

[coati]

Sticky, good of you to recommend that book. I'm also glad you have taken the time to write about your own experiences.

I remember you saying that your mother was supportive. Was that pretty much from the first time you started the conversation that caused the "gulp"?

 

[stickygirl]

Any parent wants their child to be happy and providing protection is part of that. Sadly, we live in a society where anyone who is 'different' is singled out, whether that's in the playground or the street. I think many parents, faced with their child's coming out, react from fear. ( edited that because I had a list, but all the reactions begin with fear ).

Every situation is different and in my case all the signs were there and had been for years, though I wasn't necessarily conscious of them, because I was just being me. She later described my coming out as 'Surprise / No surprise'. She knew the worst thing to do was scold me or pretend I hadn't said it, but she made very sure I realised how serious it was. She had already done some reading on LGBT matters, not in anticipation, but because she's a smart woman, so she knew enough about the gravity of being trans.

Yea, my words were "It's about me being a boy" so almost word for word, but I still can't think of a better way of raising the subject and getting your parents' 100% attention

 

[yukonnights]

Any parent wants their child to be happy and providing protection is part of that. Sadly, we live in a society where anyone who is 'different' is singled out, whether that's in the playground or the street. I think many parents, faced with their child's coming out, react from fear. ( edited that because I had a list, but all the reactions begin with fear ).

Every situation is different and in my case all the signs were there and had been for years, though I wasn't necessarily conscious of them, because I was just being me. She later described my coming out as 'Surprise / No surprise'. She knew the worst thing to do was scold me or pretend I hadn't said it, but she made very sure I realised how serious it was. She had already done some reading on LGBT matters, not in anticipation, but because she's a smart woman, so she knew enough about the gravity of being trans.

Yea, my words were "It's about me being a boy" so almost word for word, but I still can't think of a better way of raising the subject and getting your parents' 100% attention

Yes, I share coati's sentiment of how your efforts over the years have helped many on their journey. I'm really happy to hear that your mother was a "smart woman" and was there for you. No doubt you're happier than I am for that. We've all witnessed and brushed up against ignorance. It's one of the hardest things in the world to counter. It's worthy to try and recognize that ignorance in a self-defensive way that turns our own anger for them into a more productive direction. Ignorance is very hard to cure, persuade or argue with. The old saying comes to mind; 'Don't wrestle with pigs, they like it and you just get dirty.'