Ask a MtF TG a question

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[stickygirl]

Yes, I'm sorry for being flippant Gia
The latest I've heard about Tara Hudson, via mainstream news, is that she has now been moved to a female prison. Further good news is that a number of political figures have stepped up to say the present system is a mess.
There is an ongoing Transgender Equality Inquiry which has been collecting evidence over the summer, that will ultimately make recommendations to government to improve the status of transgender people in the UK. So far these include
- a more streamlined process to change gender recognition ( presently too expensive and lengthy through the GRC - I can attest to that )
- clearer employment laws
- improved awareness of trans health for medical professionals
The inquiry has been fantastic so far and I am very hopeful of the outcomes.

I've watched a few of the recorded presentations and was almost cheering some of the speakers ( good thing I wasn't actually there methinks! )

 

[stickygirl]

Janet Mock weds

and now for some good news
http://www.out.com/2015/11/06/janet-mocks-wedding-revelations
http://www.out.com/sites/out.com/files/janet-mock-wedding.jpg

Yeay! Super chuffed for them both

 

[BradBigBrain]

Bathroom fears over TG rights

I have a question...we all know how fucked up this is...

Let's face it...I'm an old white guy....many of my peers and some people who are my so-called friends on FB post shit all the time about this kind of stuff and it's the opposite of what I believe. I've already unfriended a few people on FB this year because I'd rather not deal with them at all, than to try and influence an already ingrained ridiculous opinion.

Which do you think I should do, my dear friend? Keep on unfriending or try to persuade them to think differently?

 

[Black13]

Bathroom fears over TG rights

I have a question...we all know how fucked up this is...

Let's face it...I'm an old white guy....many of my peers and some people who are my so-called friends on FB post shit all the time about this kind of stuff and it's the opposite of what I believe. I've already unfriended a few people on FB this year because I'd rather not deal with them at all, than to try and influence an already ingrained ridiculous opinion.

Which do you think I should do, my dear friend? Keep on unfriending or try to persuade them to think differently?

It's annoying as hell, I know, but the people whose ideas make your blood boil are the people who need to hear the other side of the story the most. This whole partisan divide happening right now is happening in part because technology and media allow us to more specifically choose our friends. Back in the day, your neighbor was your neighbor, no matter how annoying they were. Now, for better and worse, we can speak with like-minded individuals all over the world, which has been wonderful for uniting people who otherwise would feel alone over a matter and allowing for movements to be better heard. On the flip side of the coin, it also makes it very easy to shut out dissent, and dissent is absolutely vital for a functional democracy and a productive exchange of opinions. In a society that values free speech, we have to make people's blood boil sometimes.
This is why I keep my Mormon acquaintances from high school on my friends list in Facebook. You can't just preach to the choir. Don't be afraid of confrontation, but don't be surprised if you can't immediately change someone's mind. We've all got massive egos to crack through, and it takes more than one person and one incident to change an entire paradigm. They'll come around, and so will you.

 

[stickygirl]

Oh I don't think Brad ever had to come around - he was always facing the right way!

I don't know how to answer you Brad - they're your friends, but I understand your frustration. People seem to act these ways through fear - of the unknown and the imagined. There is no logic you can bring to a mind so paralysed by fear.
The same mindset thought if you sailed west, you'd fall off the world. Galileo was tried for heresy for thinking the earth moved round the sun.

Incidentally, I agree with his poster

Maybe you could theme one of your shows for frightened, stupid people?

 

[stickygirl]

^^^ I promise this is pure coincidence!

https://40.media.tumblr.com/4c992c044bde1880a35649ff5c9d7963/tumblr_nxk3a8Cys51tm163xo1_540.jpg

 

[Black13]

So, sticky, I'm sure this was asked in some way elsewhere in the thread, but I'm not gonna dig through 47 pages of this

Having just come out as transgender, I'm kind of wondering where to start. I'm seeing a psychiatrist, and I feel this will be essential for whatever transition may take place, but as far as real-life application I'm a bit lost. What did you do when you had the revelation?
If life is a play, I've been method-acting for years. I should get a Tony!

 

[stickygirl]

Well... phew, where to start? Love the method-acting comment - in a less-kindly light we're also consummate liars and perhaps that's a good place to start as any, because friends and loved-ones might feel that you have been deceiving them? An old bf of mine accused me of that, because he was hurt when I told him I was trans... "no wonder we split up..." so I had to explain to him that my feelings for him were true, because I loved him as a soul, not a body, but the only language in which to express that is a physical one.
So be prepared for some odd reactions and build a wall around your heart, because you will be hurt. If you're into it, then meditation can be useful - that ball of golden light thing, deflecting negative energy?

Your psych: find a good one, not just the nameplate. They might be very experienced but if you don't click, then find someone else. You are going to need their support and insight and you have to be talking the same language.

Your plan: ( what country are you in? ) from a medical POV don't be discouraged if you don't see any hormones for a year or so, in fact I'd advise against it until you have a plan worked out with your psych and doctor.

Watch and learn: I found it really helpful to look at YouTube and listen to the accounts of other trans folk. I can PM some links or post them here.

Sex and relationships: I can't advise on transitioning in-a-relationship, because I've been single for ages, but people do it and work things out. Sex... expect some wild thoughts - explore them, till you get to the other side. Sexual feelings are dazzling and can be overwhelming - take it steady!

I have to dash now, but I'll come back to you of course.

Buy yourself some cut flowers
Be nice to yourself xx

 

[Black13]

God I wish I weren't a mess of tears right now. I just haven't let myself feel in ages, now I'm having emotions all over the place!
I'm in the USA. I have a girlfriend, and it's in part to her open-mindedness that I came out. She's cool with it, but I know I'm going to change a lot and I hope we can do it together. I'm trying not to worry about the future, God knows I catstrophize!
Alright, time to go clean myself up.

 

[stickygirl]

Sure, you have a lot of grieving to do - for those lost years... but you know what? You have so much more to look forward to! Your emotions will be like a crazy pendulum, but the swing does get less until you find a balance.
Whatever we do as trans people, it's a compromise. It isn't pefect, but it's a whole lot better than living a lie every day. ***hugs***

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[stickygirl]

You know, I guess the second and the third DO raise issues for me a little. I do sometimes wonder 'who' I am talking to. The main reason this causes and 'issue' is I want to be inclusive and if am not always sure of the best way of doing this if I am not sure how to address someone. Fwiw this is not, I suspect, just an issue with trans people. .

And number three, because in think kids should ask questions and be answered truthfully, and appropriately, but in ways they understand. I need to understand better to be able to explain better .

Its not always bad will.

Elle

I suppose the comic is aimed at trans people with a sense of irony intended to make us feel less isolated << that, rather than an attack on cis gender folk as such. I guess there is always a victim in humour
I do understand the dilemma facing people when they meet a trans person, in much the same way if we meet someone with something impairing, like motor neurone disease: it makes us uncomfortable and ( hopefully ) concerned that our interactions aren't unintentionally demeaning or patronising. It's just a matter of becoming accustomed to having people like that around. Being super-polite is a good start in any situation with anyone new - the rest of the conversation will fall into line after that.

Depending on the age of children they can be incredibly accepting - they learn discrimination from adults. Why not "well Jane used to be a boy, everyone told her she was a boy, but she knew something was wrong because on the inside she felt like a girl. So she decided it would be best to be the same outside as she was inside and now she's a girl."? Maybe adults could learn this too!!

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[stickygirl]

http://www.glaad.org/sites/default/files/styles/1080x400/public/images/2015-11/TDORSite.png?itok=5dx9kCax

http://tdor.info/

 

[Gorza]

I shall light a candle today for Trans Day of Remembrance.

Especially poignant after the news broke last night that Vicky Thompson died after being sent to a men's prison. http://gu.com/p/4ecex

 

[fma20fma]

hi

how about leaving out the gender alone and make restrooms for males females and tg? is an additional restroom such a big issue>?rest of the work or public place can be common to all?fair enough??

 

[stickygirl]

I shall light a candle today for Trans Day of Remembrance.

Especially poignant after the news broke last night that Vicky Thompson died after being sent to a men's prison. http://gu.com/p/4ecex

omg I hadn't even seen that, though I'd seen there was something being raised in parliament today.
Words fail me, this is Tara Hudson all over again but with the wrong outcome. How did this happen?

 

[Gorza]

omg I hadn't even seen that, though I'd seen there was something being raised in parliament today.
Words fail me, this is Tara Hudson all over again but with the wrong outcome. How did this happen?

It is shocking; it left me speechless. Owen Jones has written in the Guardian 'The best memorial to Vicky Thompson? To fight for trans rights'. The little evidence there is suggests the judge, or whoever makes these decisions, sent her to a men's prison because they decided for her that she was a man. The first article states that she hadn't had gender reassignment surgery, and many ignorant cis-people take that as being more meaningful than it is. It is unclear whether she had applied for and received a gender reassignment certificate. If not, I could see why someone then might interpret the letter of the law in this way: if we don't have the paperwork to prove you're a woman you're not one, according to the letter of the law.

 

[haurni]

how about leaving out the gender alone and make restrooms for males females and tg? is an additional restroom such a big issue>?rest of the work or public place can be common to all?fair enough??

In my opinion having gender neutral washrooms is probably the answer, but most Western countries are still in the grip of Victorian-era thinking (the US is particularly sex-negative that way) and it'll take a major social shift requiring generations. It requires throwing out a lot of garbage about sex and sexuality, including re-educating men to reject the sort of toxic masculinity they're currently being taught. IMO, part of that is that there's way too much emphasis on sex as a commodity - it's seen as a prize or something to be obtained, rather than something two people can do together to have fun (like raquetball or going to the movies), and this is what fucks people up about it. Attitudes toward LGBTQ folk won't change much until we change our overall attitudes about sex and gender (but that shouldn't stop us from trying - somebody needs to get the ball rolling!).

 

[stickygirl]

It is shocking; it left me speechless. Owen Jones has written in the Guardian 'The best memorial to Vicky Thompson? To fight for trans rights'. The little evidence there is suggests the judge, or whoever makes these decisions, sent her to a men's prison because they decided for her that she was a man.

Yet there is flexibility in interpreting the MOJ guidelines - these are not laws. I can't believe, given the publicity surrounding Tara Hudson, just a few weeks ago, that the judge made this recommendation: it is up to the prison service to decide which prison is best suited.

how about leaving out the gender alone and make restrooms for males females and tg? is an additional restroom such a big issue>?rest of the work or public place can be common to all?fair enough??

I am a woman, so I'll damn well use the women's bathroom. I had to turn my life completely upside down and go through hell to get to this point. I am going to mark myself as trans by going to a neutral "third gender" bathroom??
The macho-man thing is so pathetic "Me man, me protect woman becuz .... insert scaremongering lies"

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Messier82]

Y

I am a woman, so I'll damn well use the women's bathroom. I had to turn my life completely upside down and go through hell to get to this point. I am going to mark myself as trans by going to a neutral "third gender" bathroom??

Quite. Surely the whole point of going through a long and difficult process is the freedom to leave the difficulties behind at the end of it. Besides which, the financial implications of all public-access establishments being forced to provide a third loo means it isn't going to happen. Some little restaurants seem to find it hard enough finding space for two loos.

Very sad about Vicky Thompson, Armley was always well known as an extremely difficult place. I'm guessing part of the Judge's lack of compassion (not that they need an excuse to be cold-hearted) could be that she'd originally gotten a suspended sentence (for whatever the offence was) then subsequently breached the terms of the suspension. I imagine there was a large element of "I'll teach you a lesson" going on.

 

[Bramblethorn]

how about leaving out the gender alone and make restrooms for males females and tg? is an additional restroom such a big issue>?

Yes, it is. It reinforces the idea that trans people "aren't real men/women". It separates cis men and women while lumping trans men and trans women together. And it requires trans people to out themselves, which is dangerous - if you were a bigot looking to bash trans people, wouldn't a trans-specific bathroom be the perfect place to hang out?

 

[fma20fma]

hi

Yes, it is. It reinforces the idea that trans people "aren't real men/women". It separates cis men and women while lumping trans men and trans women together. And it requires trans people to out themselves, which is dangerous - if you were a bigot looking to bash trans people, wouldn't a trans-specific bathroom be the perfect place to hang out?

I posted what I thought was a possible solution. Now I leave it to the society to evolve and let a natural solution emerge in future hopefully.