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[SEVERUSMAX]

So, the transman at work told me that he prefers to be called Daxton or Dax.....I think that's cool, though it does make me think of Dax from Deep Space Nine.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I have another question for you in my never ending quest for understanding and total consciousness. The Dalai Lama once said to me, "on your deathbed you will gain total consciousness." So, I got that going for me. Which is nice.

In many of the states in the the great US of A, owners of establishments are allowed to discriminate against LGBTs. (I believe it's 29 out of 50). I am an entrepreneur as you know. I have an opportunity to purchase a BBQ place in the south and am pursuing it.

I want to stand up for my brethren and methren (a linguist joke), and NOT only not discriminate, but to welcome LGBTs. Do you think I should make some kind of welcoming statement or just make sure that I make those people unwelcome who make different people (races, creeds, and sexual orientation) feel unwelcome in my establishment?

You spoke to the Dalai Lama? My wife will be green with envy.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I wasn't aware that there was anything going on with the Pitts' kid, but then, I don't pay attention to them. All that Brad, Angie, Jen drama got old fast.

 

[stickygirl]

What do you think of some of the outlets in the US media insisting on calling Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's child Shiloh instead of John as he and his parents wish to be called? Do you think he's too young (at age 6 or 8) to make a decision on his gender? Do you think it's because he has older boy siblings that it could be just that he wants to emulate his brothers?

*sigh* Why is it the media and everyone with no connection to the family SEEM TO KNOW BETTER?!
I don't believe for one second that Ang and Brad are doing this as a chic, movie-star whim. No, he isn't too young necessarily: the younger children are able to have their true gender acknowledged, the less psychological harm is done.
Yes, it's possible that he is imitating his older peers, which is why it's so important to leave that door open - but I DON'T KNOW. We all need to back-the-fuck off in passing judgement.
The shame of it is, that because they are so much in the public eye, that what might be just a quirky phase of this child's development is making gossip-column news. I trust Angelina: after what she's put herself through medically in the last couple of years, I trust her.

Thanks for asking

 

[stickygirl]

So, the transman at work told me that he prefers to be called Daxton or Dax.....I think that's cool, though it does make me think of Dax from Deep Space Nine.

Who is more than a little gorgeous... goes off to Google DS9 actresses
I'd love to have her body-markings

...and chose this one
http://www.blastr.com/sites/blastr/files/images/assets_c/2010/08/jadizadax-thumb-330x248-44936.jpg

I always wondered what Klingon dicks were like
https://rindastartrekds9.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/jadzia-dax-281.jpg She seems pretty happy about it

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Ah, Jadzia Dax.....she had no choice about being bisexual....she loved the person, not the gender, I think. The part about Ezri was really tough for Worf, if I recall correctly. And I loved that Trill society's taboo was something unexpected in Terran society.

I also loved how Sisko thought of Dax as Curzon first, called her "old man". They had more of a BFF thing going on.

 

[stickygirl]

Ah, Jadzia Dax.....she had no choice about being bisexual....she loved the person, not the gender, I think. The part about Ezri was really tough for Worf, if I recall correctly. And I loved that Trill society's taboo was something unexpected in Terran society.

I also loved how Sisko thought of Dax as Curzon first, called her "old man". They had more of a BFF thing going on.

It's interesting how scifi writers have been able to explore the concepts of self, gender, even sexuality, without upsetting mainstream audiences. What was Dax but a classic 'man in a woman's body'? In that case people were focused on a sexy, apparently gender normative person who, more importantly was herself comfortable with it... but then perhaps we run out of reasonable comparison?
I used to enjoy those kinds of shows specifically because often gender roles were reversed : Katherine Janeway. The Matrix is laced with analogies ( of course ) and the X-files kept an open mind to everything.

I've just watched a BBC program by Louis Theroux about transgender kids in the USA, which intentionally left more questions than it answered. What was significant in every case was that the parents main concern was for their child's happiness and how hard they found letting go of one child and embracing the new one. I know my mother did... I think as I get older and see shows like that I can understand how hard that must be. When you're the central me,me,me character I think you can be pretty self-centred.

 

[Aussie_Wolf]

Hahaha Thanks Wolf....that made me chuckle. Did you watch the video? That voice-over sounded so posh and serious and then there's a real-time black spermatozoa wandering about on plexiglass looking for a beachball sized ova
10m is 'ok' but I was kinda hoping for 10 miles... or different continent remote. That way I could get someone on Lit to remote control me

MMM that would be nice. Australia to UK. 8.5 hours time difference. Oh yes some definite fun possibilities there.

Right I have some friends in the RAAF and we use those bloody drones as well. (SHHHH it's a secret ) Now if they can bounce a signal all the way over there I reckon they should be able to bounce a signal to you. Hell I reckon a signal thru skype or a phone should work too. Send a text message and the egg goes off.

*Best advert voice* Please send 'Egg' and number between 1 and 20 for your speed and your egg will automatically turn on. Send 'Stop' to turn off.

 

[BradBigBrain]

You may not appreciate the humor in these types of articles, but it doesn touch on the interservice rivalries that exist in the US Military. The duffelblog is like The Onion of the military.

PARRIS ISLAND, S.C. – The U.S. Army has announced it has reached a compromise with former Pfc. Chelsea (previously Bradley) Manning, the imprisoned soldier at the center of a landmark struggle to force the Army to pay for her hormone therapy for transition to a woman.

Following several weeks of negotiating with Manning’s attorney, the Army and Manning both agreed instead to transfer her to the Marine Recruit Depot at Parris Island. Army spokesmen have said that although the move “cannot give Private Manning the complete gender transition she seeks, we hope Marine Recruit Training will at least give her the full experience of being treated like a woman.”

What is your opinion of articles like this?

http://www.duffelblog.com/2015/04/army-transfers-chelsea-manning/

 

[haurni]

What is your opinion of articles like this?

http://www.duffelblog.com/2015/04/army-transfers-chelsea-manning/

Based solely on your quote, 'condescending' would be the nicest word I could come up with.

 

[stickygirl]

You may not appreciate the humor in these types of articles, but it doesn touch on the interservice rivalries that exist in the US Military. The duffelblog is like The Onion of the military.



What is your opinion of articles like this?

http://www.duffelblog.com/2015/04/army-transfers-chelsea-manning/

Very slow hand clap
ha - ha - ha
( I was going to say ho - ho - ho, but the recruitment people would've have misconstrued )
I can think of a number of forces personnel: Kirstin Beck, Denee Mallon as well as serving UK forces Ayla Holden of whom our nations can be doubly proud.
Chelsea Manning deserves respect for what she is trying to make of her life now. What she did in the past is an area that deserves a different discussion.

 

[Fantasy_Inscriber]

This is a very good thread. You have addressed a lot of issues and educated others about the process of transitioning. Every body should read it, trans or not. Insights from others are very good too.

What I like the most is unbiased and nonjudgmental views. Not many people can do that.
(I haven't read all of it but it kept me interested for about 20 pages)

My question is that do you think that we should abandon the Binary gender identity and adopt something different?
Maybe something based on Androgyny or Gender-role Transendence.

 

[stickygirl]

Hi FI and thanks for your kind comments... Flattery will defo get you places
Hmmm... It's difficult to see how the binary can be abandoned, since, despite the obvious downsides, it is too deeply ingrained in Nature. We humans 'need' our left and rights, black and whites, right and wrongs even if only as a frame of reference. That doesn't mean though that we have to be enslaved to it. We ought to have the capacity to appreciate that although there are these convenient short hands, there are always exceptions and that they deserve to be acknowledged and accepted - celebrated even.
Knowledge and cultures evolve through exceptions, not normality and repetition. There are too many mechanicisms in our society that seek to hold us back: laws based in religious doctrine; science in the chains of proof or art by the comforts of familiarity.
In the context of being trans, I have been questioned as to why I wish to conform to the gender binary: by changing my body and my social status to 'conform'. That's somewhat a simplistic argument because those are to do with gender status, not identity. I am a woman, but I can never be a cis-woman, because the first is my gender identity, the other is societal.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Sadly, too much of this is true, but sticky, you'll always be a lady to me.

 

[stickygirl]

Sadly, too much of this is true, but sticky, you'll always be a lady to me.

*curtsey* TY
yea, sorry Max - did you wish I was a bit slutty to you?!

did I say that?!

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

*curtsey* TY
yea, sorry Max - did you wish I was a bit slutty to you?!

did I say that?!

Lol....I meant that this radical binary stuff is sadly true.

As for sluttiness and being a lady....they're not mutually exclusive, you know.

 

[dutchrain]

*curtsey* TY
yea, sorry Max - did you wish I was a bit slutty to you?!

did I say that?!

Yep, my dear, you did.

 

[Fantasy_Inscriber]

Hi FI and thanks for your kind comments... Flattery will defo get you places
Hmmm... It's difficult to see how the binary can be abandoned, since, despite the obvious downsides, it is too deeply ingrained in Nature.....

Sadly Flattery has never been my strongest suit. Because i like debating about anything and everything. Which is mostly misunderstood as argumentative.

You are right we have evolved with this binary view. Think this very view causes Gender Dysphoria and forces people to seek surgurical assignment.

I will admit i like "shemales" ie. Prety girl with fake breasts and a dick.
I have had company of a few "hired helps"
But i was invited to spend the night once and paid a few social visits to one lady. Business aside.
What i found is while having a conversation that i viewed her as a female. The stuff between her legs never had any effect on that.
I have also on an occassion visited a lady without any enhacements.
Ill admit that its not what i am attracted to. But even that did not make me think of her as anything other than a female.
Whereas i have no sexual attraction towards men.
Thinking that this attraction towards "shemales" comes from Porn. I tried watching Gay porn. To which i had an almost repulsive reaction typical to hetrosexual men.

 

[stickygirl]

No. Gender dysphoria is an internalised problem, although social influences don't help. It's knowing one's gender isn't matched by your body ( and then socially one is mis-gendered too ) but the worst part of it is this nightmarish panic of there being this huge mistake. Imagine finding yourself drowning in a pool but everyone around you thinks you're just waving - you know, like that horrible old joke? It's that kind of panic and that's what dysphoria can feel like.

I have to dash, but I'd like to come back to this later because it's a really important point

 

[NoMoreNoMore]

No. Gender dysphoria is an internalised problem, although social influences don't help. It's knowing one's gender isn't matched by your body ( and then socially one is mis-gendered too ) but the worst part of it is this nightmarish panic of there being this huge mistake. Imagine finding yourself drowning in a pool but everyone around you thinks you're just waving - you know, like that horrible old joke? It's that kind of panic and that's what dysphoria can feel like.

I have to dash, but I'd like to come back to this later because it's a really important point

And after the panic comes the depression. I live with chronic depression due to my decision to conform. I started to come out back in the 90's. However, after losing my job, my friends, most of my family, and almost my kids, I took conformity instead. I regret that decision. I was never really close to my family anyway, but to hear my brother and his wife tell me to stay away from their kids showed me what a freak I was. I have begun writing my memoire of my journey. I have titled it, Emma - An Unlived Life. I opened in the preface with how cowardly I was. I admire those that had the courage to transition. I was raised always trying to find love, so I could not bear the alienation. It was my choice. A choice I regret. I will release the book on my death.
Sorry to be a Debby Downer, but there are many who still continue to suffer because our society is so unaccepting of people who are different. You know, God doesn't make mistakes. I got as far as starting HRT. I was living part time as a woman. Though at 6'2 245#, a large imposing woman. I was laughed at when I was out, despite being impeccably dressed. I owe that to my first wife whose example I tried to follow. When I told my psych that I was "cured", she doubted it, but had to take my word. I had to play the role of the cured man and rebury Emma. The problem with burying the past, is it sometimes comes back with a vengeance. I often wish that I had succeeded in the many attempts at suicide. However, I keep going on because there are too many who depend on me to be here. Like my ex who feels I need to pay her way in life.

 

[dutchrain]

And after the panic comes the depression. I live with chronic depression due to my decision to conform. I started to come out back in the 90's. However, after losing my job, my friends, most of my family, and almost my kids, I took conformity instead. I regret that decision. I was never really close to my family anyway, but to hear my brother and his wife tell me to stay away from their kids showed me what a freak I was. I have begun writing my memoire of my journey. I have titled it, Emma - An Unlived Life. I opened in the preface with how cowardly I was. I admire those that had the courage to transition. I was raised always trying to find love, so I could not bear the alienation. It was my choice. A choice I regret. I will release the book on my death.
Sorry to be a Debby Downer, but there are many who still continue to suffer because our society is so unaccepting of people who are different. You know, God doesn't make mistakes. I got as far as starting HRT. I was living part time as a woman. Though at 6'2 245#, a large imposing woman. I was laughed at when I was out, despite being impeccably dressed. I owe that to my first wife whose example I tried to follow. When I told my psych that I was "cured", she doubted it, but had to take my word. I had to play the role of the cured man and rebury Emma. The problem with burying the past, is it sometimes comes back with a vengeance. I often wish that I had succeeded in the many attempts at suicide. However, I keep going on because there are too many who depend on me to be here. Like my ex who feels I need to pay her way in life.

I am very, very sorry for you, NoMore.

 

[BradBigBrain]

And after the panic comes the depression. I live with chronic depression due to my decision to conform. I started to come out back in the 90's. However, after losing my job, my friends, most of my family, and almost my kids, I took conformity instead. I regret that decision. I was never really close to my family anyway, but to hear my brother and his wife tell me to stay away from their kids showed me what a freak I was. I have begun writing my memoire of my journey. I have titled it, Emma - An Unlived Life. I opened in the preface with how cowardly I was. I admire those that had the courage to transition. I was raised always trying to find love, so I could not bear the alienation. It was my choice. A choice I regret. I will release the book on my death.
Sorry to be a Debby Downer, but there are many who still continue to suffer because our society is so unaccepting of people who are different. You know, God doesn't make mistakes. I got as far as starting HRT. I was living part time as a woman. Though at 6'2 245#, a large imposing woman. I was laughed at when I was out, despite being impeccably dressed. I owe that to my first wife whose example I tried to follow. When I told my psych that I was "cured", she doubted it, but had to take my word. I had to play the role of the cured man and rebury Emma. The problem with burying the past, is it sometimes comes back with a vengeance. I often wish that I had succeeded in the many attempts at suicide. However, I keep going on because there are too many who depend on me to be here. Like my ex who feels I need to pay her way in life.

I'm very sorry.

It's 20 years later, do you think there's a chance it may be better for you now? Can you start living your life? It seems the only people important to you are your children, could you sit them down and have an honest chat with them? This generation seems to be more understanding than our generation. I'm sure these are questions that you ask every day. And I'm sure it will never be easy.

You'd have a bunch of virtual friends here to support you. You could "Dear Diary" us every day.

Not that this is even close, but I'm well in my 50s. In the past few years I've had to make my life over and I decided to do what I want to to, not what I should be doing. I'm a lot happier.

 

[stickygirl]

I have such good friends here - thank you Brad and Rainey

Exactly Nomore: the depression follows.
I know you've had no choice, but you're still here and your story could help other people. Have you thought about going to a group and helping other trans people live out what you've not been able to? It's not much, but maybe seeing other people's journey would give you at least a vicarious satisfaction. Your life experience is worth a great deal to people who are facing these problems for the first time.

****

There are times, as you fight drowning, that you wish you coud simply slip away - if only the panic and fear could fill your lungs. If somehow it were a physical thing like that, then it would be an easy thing to succumb to.
That's when family and friends can either push you under with denial "Don't be silly/push yourself together/count your blessings…." Or listen to what you are saying and examine their own memories of you… to be trusted. Then for people to realise how awful dysphoria is and how easily they can help or at least avoid making it worse.

pffft … this is as triggering as fuck. You never forget the panic.

Hey Nomore - we gotta get outside and grab some sunshine, watch some clouds wheeling overhead in a blue sky. Have a think about helping out some place


****hugs****

 

[NoMoreNoMore]

I'm very sorry.

It's 20 years later, do you think there's a chance it may be better for you now? Can you start living your life? It seems the only people important to you are your children, could you sit them down and have an honest chat with them? This generation seems to be more understanding than our generation. I'm sure these are questions that you ask every day. And I'm sure it will never be easy.

You'd have a bunch of virtual friends here to support you. You could "Dear Diary" us every day.

Not that this is even close, but I'm well in my 50s. In the past few years I've had to make my life over and I decided to do what I want to to, not what I should be doing. I'm a lot happier.

I tried to broach the subject with my wife. She just stared at me. All she said was that maybe it was time to see a counselor again. I told her that one, I can't afford a counselor. I still pay $2k in CS and that continues until my son is out of college. Just a Freshman. Hell I can't even talk to her about the lack of sex over the past six years. When I talk about things, I am met with blank stares. No words. No discussion. So not even worth talking about. Sorry, I didn't mean to bring down the topic, just wanted to show that sometimes society wins and we are shoved back in the closet.

As to taking part in a group, that got me in trouble the last time because it only made me want it more. As one psych said, part of my problem is being involved with the group. He recommended I distance myself. Of course, he was trying to "cure" me not help me on my path. My psych blew a gasket when she heard that. She told me I have every right to be me. She was enabling me. That is why I had to break it off with her. If I continued seeing her, she would have seen through my "cure".

Look, I'm sorry, I should never have gotten involved in the thread. Be at peace.

 

[SweetSam42]

I tried to broach the subject with my wife. She just stared at me. All she said was that maybe it was time to see a counselor again. I told her that one, I can't afford a counselor. I still pay $2k in CS and that continues until my son is out of college. Just a Freshman. Hell I can't even talk to her about the lack of sex over the past six years. When I talk about things, I am met with blank stares. No words. No discussion. So not even worth talking about. Sorry, I didn't mean to bring down the topic, just wanted to show that sometimes society wins and we are shoved back in the closet.

As to taking part in a group, that got me in trouble the last time because it only made me want it more. As one psych said, part of my problem is being involved with the group. He recommended I distance myself. Of course, he was trying to "cure" me not help me on my path. My psych blew a gasket when she heard that. She told me I have every right to be me. She was enabling me. That is why I had to break it off with her. If I continued seeing her, she would have seen through my "cure".

Look, I'm sorry, I should never have gotten involved in the thread. Be at peace.

I just wanted to chime in to say that I am glad you joined the discussion here, and I hope you find the peace and acceptance you need to live life as it should be lived. I can't pretend to understand what you are going through, but please know that there are really good people on this thread who are on your side and rooting for you.