Ask a MtF TG a question

[stickygirl]

Merry Christmas

OMG Silky!! What a lovely surprise! How are you, honey? I've been hoping you've just been too busy to stop by

 

[BradBigBrain]

Here's an interesting article from Time Magazine

 

[stickygirl]

Here's an interesting article from Time Magazine

Thanks for pointing that out Brad and great to see such high profile exposure. Big Wow actually! Yup it's not transgendered and Laurel was kind enough to correct the description in the LGBT Personals title a while ago

 

[BradBigBrain]

RIP Leelah Alcorn. I'm so sad for you. I hope your death does mean something.

I thought of you when I read this, Sticky. I'm glad you have the support that Leelah didn't. Even if it's only from us folks here on your thread.

Happy New Year.

Leelah's suicide notes.

 

[stickygirl]

Yea, I did read it Brad and I still feel angry, sad, empty... People are apt to criticise suicide victims and tbh, I'm way too scared to think seriously about it. But to be in a mindset she was in: to weigh up the pros and cons... she would have been frightened too - terrified.
I hope her death will not be in vain and that other parents of LGBT kids will see the bigger picture - that there is more to life than their own expectations for their kids.
I don't know if that's the same article but the comments that usually follow such a piece make Lit trolls look like pussies. The blind hate that pours out of people - they're like fucking vultures. I try not to read comments because they're so depressing. Stuff of nightmares.
What's the betting her parents bury her as a boy?
Here's to Leelah and the hope that her death will save another's life

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Well, I won't ask a question, I will just say that I hope that your first post-op encounter was great. I often wonder how much pleasure post-ops feel after the surgery when they lose their post-op virginity, as it were.

 

[stickygirl]

Oo-err! I haven't lost my virginity yet! Not since the op anyway. I'm in no rush - quite apart from finding the right person, I can still feel my body healing and I'd rather wait. I probably could but.... No sense in taking risks. O's are nice now though

 

[BradBigBrain]

Oo-err! I haven't lost my virginity yet! Not since the op anyway. I'm in no rush - quite apart from finding the right person, I can still feel my body healing and I'd rather wait. I probably could but.... No sense in taking risks. O's are nice now though

Um...pick me!!!

 

[stickygirl]

3 minutes to respond - not bad! That's kind of you
I think a man who isn't nervous and has nothing to prove is the kind of guy I'm looking for: I don't want some bloke who just wants to get his rocks off

 

[BradBigBrain]

3 minutes to respond - not bad! That's kind of you
I think a man who isn't nervous and has nothing to prove is the kind of guy I'm looking for: I don't want some bloke who just wants to get his rocks off

And someone who knows you and your background and knows it's the first time for you.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now.

 

[stickygirl]

Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Now.

I like that

 

[stickygirl]

And someone who knows you and your background and knows it's the first time for you.

Now who... Who could that be...?

 

[BradBigBrain]

Now who... Who could that be...?

Hmmm....

I wonder.

 

[funluvinaj]

Happy New Year sis!! I hope 2015 has all the wonder and beauty you deserve.

 

[stickygirl]

Happy New Year sis!! I hope 2015 has all the wonder and beauty you deserve.

Hey sis
I was thinking of you earlier - looking at your Tumblr
Hot
Big love to you xxx

 

[stickygirl]

Starting 2015 as I don't mean to continue

Urgh... couldn't help myself - I've just had a rant in the comments on a YouTube I really ought to know better, but sometimes I just can't walk by on the other side of the street. *sigh*

OMG - look at the time! Ranting is so time-consuming

 

[DustOnDaBotl]

Having undergone the transformation, do you actually think like a woman, or does the fact that you were physically born as a male create a stygma for you? I think I would be okay with a transgender woman as long as I know for certain she is all woman at heart. Just curious and I hope this question isn't offensive.

 

[stickygirl]

Having undergone the transformation, do you actually think like a woman, or does the fact that you were physically born as a male create a stygma for you? I think I would be okay with a transgender woman as long as I know for certain she is all woman at heart. Just curious and I hope this question isn't offensive.

Argh! Why do the simple questions demand the longest answer?!
Can I come back to this later? Thanks for asking and no offense taken

 

[DustOnDaBotl]

Argh! Why do the simple questions demand the longest answer?!
Can I come back to this later? Thanks for asking and no offense taken

Thank you for the sweet reply! I'll be awaiting your answer. The reason for my question is this.: I believe I had a transgender GF in the past. I can't be sure, but this is something I have always wondered about. Not that I regret it in any way whatsoever! But in the past years I have tried to find her again because she left such an impression on me and I always wondered how she was doing. I loved her, but she and I had such opposing views on what a relationship should be.

 

[haurni]

...as long as I know for certain she is all woman at heart...

I'm gonna guess that almost everyone who goes through the physical and emotional turmoil of transitioning is pretty sure that they are. Your job is to accept her for who she is.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

The important thing is that she does what is right for her. Which she has been doing, as far as I can tell. Btw, I work with a female to male transgendered person, and that transition is tough for him, too. Yes, I call him by the masculine, just as I call sticky by the feminine, because this is the gender that the brain has assigned them. The body developed differently according to chromosomes, but it doesn't change what gender the brain has chosen instead.

It's like what I said to my father recently about the issue of homosexuals. No one would go through all of that trouble if they really had a choice. It's simply being true to what you already are.

 

[stickygirl]

Thanks Haurni and Severus for your comments

Having undergone the transformation, do you actually think like a woman, or does the fact that you were physically born as a male create a stygma for you? I think I would be okay with a transgender woman as long as I know for certain she is all woman at heart. Just curious and I hope this question isn't offensive.

Thank you for the sweet reply! I'll be awaiting your answer. The reason for my question is this.: I believe I had a transgender GF in the past. I can't be sure, but this is something I have always wondered about. Not that I regret it in any way whatsoever! But in the past years I have tried to find her again because she left such an impression on me and I always wondered how she was doing. I loved her, but she and I had such opposing views on what a relationship should be.

From your comments I'll presume you acknowledge that trans folk, like the rest of the population, have individual skills and tastes.
There are gender roles that society has traditionally associated with maleness or femaleness, yet there have always been individuals who have gone against that tradition: Grace Hopper and Marie Curie spring to mind as female academics and the fashion industry has numerous male designers. None of those examples doubted their gender, though they may well have faced social scepticism for displaying non-traditional gender thinking.
How we discover our particular talents is down to good education, how we are allowed to develop them is often proscribed by society. Happily the tide is changing, at least in the UK: girls already out-perform boys in school and this year, a number of retailers removed gender labeling on children's toys.
So if we strip out the academic ability by saying there are no gender-based skills, only societal ones, what are we left with? How can your ex-girl friend or any trans woman convince you of her sense of feminine?
I'm afraid the problem is in your heart, not hers, but I do sympathise with your position. Trans women have to deal with the problems of a binary gender society all day, every day, so we have learnt to question cultural values and look at them from our point of view. You may be having to start from scratch and all you have as a starting point are the notions and values of a society that is still locked into male and female binaries, with no grey, and no room for doubt. If you really want to date a trans woman then you have to embrace doubt and realise that actually, whether a person expresses themselves as one gender or another is irrelevant. How well you cope with those doubts that'll keep nibbling away at your logic, will play a big part in how successful your relationship will be - it's not for everyone.
Do I think like a woman? *shrug* I guess so, but I am a Physicist who loves baking. I fret about my nails but love gardening. I'd like to wear more fashionable clothes but I'm broke and clueless, so I stick to safe jeans and jumpers with cheap jewellery.

I suppose your doubt of her integrity as a woman is a bit like doubting love. There's nothing you can do to prove it - you just have to feel it. And that, unless I am much mistaken, is as honest an answer as you're gonna get from any woman

 

[BradBigBrain]

Thanks Haurni and Severus for your comments

From your comments I'll presume you acknowledge that trans folk, like the rest of the population, have individual skills and tastes.
There are gender roles that society has traditionally associated with maleness or femaleness, yet there have always been individuals who have gone against that tradition: Grace Hopper and Marie Curie spring to mind as female academics and the fashion industry has numerous male designers. None of those examples doubted their gender, though they may well have faced social scepticism for displaying non-traditional gender thinking.
How we discover our particular talents is down to good education, how we are allowed to develop them is often proscribed by society. Happily the tide is changing, at least in the UK: girls already out-perform boys in school and this year, a number of retailers removed gender labeling on children's toys.
So if we strip out the academic ability by saying there are no gender-based skills, only societal ones, what are we left with? How can your ex-girl friend or any trans woman convince you of her sense of feminine?
I'm afraid the problem is in your heart, not hers, but I do sympathise with your position. Trans women have to deal with the problems of a binary gender society all day, every day, so we have learnt to question cultural values and look at them from our point of view. You may be having to start from scratch and all you have as a starting point are the notions and values of a society that is still locked into male and female binaries, with no grey, and no room for doubt. If you really want to date a trans woman then you have to embrace doubt and realise that actually, whether a person expresses themselves as one gender or another is irrelevant. How well you cope with those doubts that'll keep nibbling away at your logic, will play a big part in how successful your relationship will be - it's not for everyone.
Do I think like a woman? *shrug* I guess so, but I am a Physicist who loves baking. I fret about my nails but love gardening. I'd like to wear more fashionable clothes but I'm broke and clueless, so I stick to safe jeans and jumpers with cheap jewellery.

I suppose your doubt of her integrity as a woman is a bit like doubting love. There's nothing you can do to prove it - you just have to feel it. And that, unless I am much mistaken, is as honest an answer as you're gonna get from any woman

This is a great answer. I was thinking about this as a CIS guy. What makes me a man at heart? There are some things about my maleness that I like and it's got more to do with my own physicality than societal norms. I like my penis. I like my hairy chest. I like my beard. I do hate shaving, though, and wish I didn't have to. I like scratching my balls. My hairy back and ass? Not so much. I'm testosterone laden.

I've never thought one time that I'd be better off with the parts of me that make me what I am gender wise.

 

[haurni]

There's often a difference between thinking/knowing and acting. Having been socialized male, I pretty much act like a man - from scratching my balls to being able to move around in the world like I own it - but that doesn't prevent me from sometimes wondering about my gender and the aspects of my psyche that are more female than male. I also don't have a particular attachment to my parts - by which I mean if they were female that would be equally acceptable to me, possibly even preferable.

In a world that still embraces the gender binary, being identified as a particular sex at birth will tend to lead to a particular set of experiences more or less 'typical' of that assigned gender, which can't help but affect the personality of the individual. The fact that one has lived as a different gender also can't help but have an impact. If having a memory of experiencing life as another gender is what you mean by a 'stigma', no trans person will NOT have it. How they act now will also probably be affected by that past to some degree. How they FEEL about themselves internally is probably also going to be affected by the struggles they encountered along the way. My point is that everything we do shapes who we are.

Perhaps I'm a cynic, but when I hear someone say something like 'know they are a girl at heart' or 'is truly a woman' about a prospective partner, what I hear is 'I don't want to associate with someone who might threaten my view of myself as a heterosexual male' - that is, I read it as a sign that the inquirer is more concerned about their own psychosexual identity (or how they appear in public, which is pretty much the same thing) than how they relate to the other person. I think it therefore behooves the inquirer to inquire of themselves a little more about their reasons for asking in the first place.