Ask a Dom

[Shagly]

Not to sound like a broken record....but....get involved in your local BDSM community by going to some mixers or go to a BDSM club in a major city closest to you.

So where is that kinky girl anyway?

 

[LadyAria]

Im in a D/s relationship, we are moving interstate. He's organised everything -bless, i am to organise the 3 day drive as his submissive. Make it as pleasurable for him as my Dom, make it as painless as i can for us both. Find the two overnight stop offs. We are to share the actual driving.
Unfortunately, we are having to take our 2 dogs in the bloody car with us so not as romantic as i might of wished when it comes to hotel accom i bet!

Any suggestions?

pandora

Hrm, this is an interesting question. It really depends on your Dom's personality. Long drives can wear on the nerves and the dogs make for an interesting X factor.

I would suggest having plenty of favorite foods and beverages in a cooler for your Dom to enjoy. Crate the dogs to prevent crazy pup reactions. Stop regularily for the dogs and let this time also be for play breaks. It is a great time for taking advantage of the indifference of the open road: public exhibition, servicing him in public/nature, bondage/rape scenrio in public restrooms, unlimited potential for humilation scenrios (putting you on the dogleash to relieve your self), wear a remote control vibrators and give Dom remote to use at his whim.

Also, bring a bag of goodie for scene at night. I suggest getting a suite and locking the dogs away from the two of you. Dogs can become confused and try to "defend" the sub by striking out at your Dom. Also, it could just scare them.

Here are some websites to help find pet friendly hotels:
http://www.petfriendlyhotels.dealsonhotels.com/australia/
http://www.pettravel.com/destinations/Victoria_AU.cfm
http://www.allstays.com/Australia/

Avoid cheap hotel or B&Bs as the walls are thin. You don't want your temporary neighbors calling the hotel staff or police on your fun

 

[LadyAria]

Good morning leeroy ~ Well why not check out local BDSM activities near you. I mean things like Munches. That is where people just meet at like a restaraunt, have a meal and talk. That is it.

You would be surprised at how easy it can be to meet people of like minds.

Right on, Kayte. Plenty of people out there in all different levels of interest willing to embrace newbies. Face to face groups are generally the best way to meet your match.

Of course, except you and Sir, your luck at finding him via the internet is very unique!

 

[LadyAria]

So where is that kinky girl anyway?

Kinky girl? Where? I need her to put on my table for a little surgilube/speculum/Hirschman play

*tips her naughty nurse hat*

 

[kayte]

Right on, Kayte. Plenty of people out there in all different levels of interest willing to embrace newbies. Face to face groups are generally the best way to meet your match.

Of course, except you and Sir, your luck at finding him via the internet is very unique!

Good evening {{{{Lady Aria}}}}}

This is my second D/s relationship. The first one was also found on the internet. He was someone I met in the chat room here.

One bad thing about the internet is that geography can then be such a challenge.

A person needs to be very careful when setting up meetings. I know I was careful; safe calls, people knowing where I was, in public, no play the first time, and even when things progressed to that, it was a bit of time before bondage was used. All of that stuff.

That and listen to your "little voice". If it says run, do so!!!

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Good evening {{{{Lady Aria}}}}}

This is my second D/s relationship. The first one was also found on the internet. He was someone I met in the chat room here.

One bad thing about the internet is that geography can then be such a challenge.

A person needs to be very careful when setting up meetings. I know I was careful; safe calls, people knowing where I was, in public, no play the first time, and even when things progressed to that, it was a bit of time before bondage was used. All of that stuff.

That and listen to your "little voice". If it says run, do so!!!

That inner voice is hit or miss with me, sometimes I do listen and other time nope. I will ask this question as its spurred by your lastest AV Kayte. It looks like clothes pins on your aerola and nipple too, so why at least in the US can you show the whole or most of the breast but not the nipple?? Is it because that is what many of us suckled on during the very first part of our lives or it is some other social taboo?? I remember in HS when one of the girls brought in a magizine that dared to show a woman's bare breast, I of course was ok but these girls thought it was in bad taste, I think it was some sorta advertisement but can't clearly remember.

 

[kayte]

That inner voice is hit or miss with me, sometimes I do listen and other time nope. I will ask this question as its spurred by your lastest AV Kayte. It looks like clothes pins on your aerola and nipple too, so why at least in the US can you show the whole or most of the breast but not the nipple?? Is it because that is what many of us suckled on during the very first part of our lives or it is some other social taboo?? I remember in HS when one of the girls brought in a magizine that dared to show a woman's bare breast, I of course was ok but these girls thought it was in bad taste, I think it was some sorta advertisement but can't clearly remember.

Good afternoon leeroy ~ Your comment about ignoring your "little voice" does scare me. I do hope we don't hear about you in the news sometime.

I don't know the answer to that question about how much of the breast is permitted. With so many states having different regulations, that my just be the "safest" way for publications to deal with that issue. Put a bit of a 'cover' on it....

 

[papilllon]

Just wondering

Hello to all ,

I just started a relationship with a Dominant two weeks ago... Somehow, it all moved way faster that I initially expected it to... I've talked with Him for about a week on the phone and online before meeting Him in a public place. We would talk for hours every day and He was willing to answer any questions and encouraging me to talk with other people into bdsm before that meeting... He gave me references from women who knew Him so I could check out on Him, gave me His address and phone number, etc. I felt secured to meet Him in a public place when we did... We've met twice already and one of those was at His home and did involve sex.

It was my first D/S experience and I can say it was the sex of my life! He's Dominant yet He feels like a friend already because we can talk about anything and we do, for hours. After that encounter, I really wanted to see Him again but I started freaking about the entire thing a couple days after that...

I'm wondering if it isn't a crazy rhythm for a newbie... Does it make sense to start a D/S relationship that fast? I like talking with Him, I want to see Him again, but He already acts as if I'm His sub... I'm just wondering, is it usually a process where you should talk for weeks and weeks before starting anything D/S or can it go that fast and still work? And once we've had what you call a session, am I really His sub? It's both thrilling so far and a bit strange because it's all very knew... When we did have sex, it was very very light on the D/S because He knows I'm new at this so He don't dive into serious bdsm right away... But I have some concerns though...

Perhaps I'm overthinking everything since I do want to see Him again. At the same time, I feel like the need to submit is a very strong pull and perhaps I'm not thinking as clearly as I should... I just read an article about red flags, claiming that starting too fast with a D/S relationship can be a bad thing...

So, the main question is, should I be worried that He considers me His sub after that short a time?

Thank you

papillon

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Good afternoon leeroy ~ Your comment about ignoring your "little voice" does scare me. I do hope we don't hear about you in the news sometime.

I don't know the answer to that question about how much of the breast is permitted. With so many states having different regulations, that my just be the "safest" way for publications to deal with that issue. Put a bit of a 'cover' on it....

Kayte when I ignore that inner voice it not like some life or death issue just the day to day stuff. Its usually like the instinct might want me to do something but I like doubt myself and choose another course of action. Like in hindsight I see that I took the fork in the road though. As for the display of breastage I mean on television and other media. The will show most of the brest but not the nipple.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

At Long Last

:

The same thing happened my freshman year in college. In September My roommate got engaged and started telling his girl was telling all sort of things about how girls talked about guys---INCLUDING one girl who said she lived to tortue guys. She swore that she could have any gup on his knees and crying by the second date. I tried for the entire year to get her name. NO luck
Sophmore year first days of classes Thur and Fri - Fri 1pm last class. This unbeliveabe creature with dark red hair and green eyes that would melt polar caps walks into class , takes a seat at the next desk, smiles and says my name is----------THANK YOU JEEZEZ. It was DEAMON GIRL. I spent the next year and a half undergoing the most exquisite tortue of my life. Before Christmas of my junior she simply said "I'm laeving you." I cried and begged. Did no good. She said lots of people need me. I repleied' "You said I was special." She replied, "You are, You're the only one to ever make it past the third date." WOW

Hope I didn't bore you will all this, Lady Aria.

You never bore me. I'd love to hear more about the red head.

RED HEAD/DAEMON GIRL




Finally to the story:



It all began the first week of my sophomore year in college. After registration there were Thursday and Friday classes. Course intros and general requirements.



The final class I had registered for met at 1 PM Friday. I entered and took a seat in the front row center. A minute or so later she entered. Dark red hair cut in a pageboy style with bangs–Louise Brooks like. From the moment she came in the door, I was totally mesmerized. She took the desk to my left, turned to me and with a smile and said “I’m C.” She had blue-green eyes to die for. They sometimes looked blue, other times green. It was as if the entire universe had fallen away. It was just the two of us-timeless and space less. I managed to introduce myself and we began talking–About what I cannot say. The words really didn’t matter. It was all in the total connection and concentration. The professor entered and droned on for ever. Finally, the class was dismissed and everyone left. We didn’t move. More talk. Soon students from the next class begin entering. We left the room. The distance to the building door was maybe 25 yards. It took us 30 minutes to get to the door. Outside more talk. I suggest coffee at the corner drug store. It was across from the main library with a large counter, booths, and pinball machines. The standard hangout for real students. The jocks, Greeks, etc. lived in the student U.



Talk, talk, soul baring talk. It was 5 PM.. I admitted I was embarrassed to say what I was thinking. “Never be embarrassed to say anything,” she said. I replied that I wanted to see her that night, but to ask for a date at 5 on a Friday evening seemed too much. “No problem,” she said. “Walk me to the dorm and I’m be ready in an hour.”—Damn: Paradise.



We had dinner and went to a movie and then it began. Actually, it began the minute I laid eyes on her. I was in a state of delirium, wondering when I would be able to see her again-I scarcely dared ask–surely such a total Goddess must have a world waiting for her. As I said good night in a state of erotic suspense such as I had never known. She said, “The dorm opens at 7 AM, be here and we can go to the library to study and get a head start on the semester. Later we can decide how we want to spend the rest of the day.” WE? WE? This divine being was saying “We”! And the rest of the day??? Surely I was having a hearing problem. I was not.



To make a very long story reasonably short. We spent the next one and a half years together from 7 in the morning to dorm closing at 11 school nights and midnight on weekends. She had a few rules. They were NEVER discussed. She knew exactly how to teach by indirection. The rules:

1- Maintain a full erection at all times

2- Never ejaculate in my presence.



I had no difficulty with the rules. I simply surrendered my self to her complete control and she knew precisely how much stimulation to apply and when. There were other rules, of course. I was allowed to touch above the waist but not below. Eventually, I was allowed to touch her buttocks until she simply said “enough.” and then I knew to withdraw my hands.



How did I survive this? Masturbation? Almost never. WET DREAMS. Two and three times a week. This necessitated a few changes in sleeping attire and required that I rise early enough each morning to get a shower.



I should mention that the only perfume that she owned or wore was Shalimar. And, to this very day ----oh well, you know.



Before the Christmas holidays of my junior year she decided she should go our separate ways. It did no good. I asked for just one day a month. No.



I went home for the holidays in despair. When I returned to campus, the second day back the phone rang. It was L, C’s best friend and only roommate. She said, “I’ll pick you up at 7 for dinner and a movie.” I said, “Uh, uh.” -She said, “No ‘uh’ be ready.” Later that evening, I had to ask: “Are you and C still roommates?”-------“Of course,’ she replied. “We have no secrets from each other. C tells me everything.”----------“Everything?”–Everything!! And, of course I tell and will tell C everything. She wants you to be happy.”



It was nice, But L was not C. There could be only one C. At the end of the year L left to do graduate study at another university.

 

[babiesmiles]

Great thread Lady Aria !

Thorkel Griersen your story was really told in a moving way , thank you for sharing

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Crossing the Rubicon

Great thread Lady Aria !

Thorkel Griersen your story was really told in a moving way , thank you for sharing

It was a life chainging experience. Glad you enjoyed.

 

[babiesmiles]

It was a life chainging experience. Glad you enjoyed.

yes I imagined it was , I really liked it

 

[chelseachained]

Life Changing

It was a life chainging experience. Glad you enjoyed.

as I was reading this I felt a strong sense of your jubilation, and then your loss. If I read this correctly you had no prior feeling, that things were about to end for you. I wondered if you felt any bitterness for the lack of closure.
It was like the rug was pulled out from under you. It seems your next encounter, you were the one sought. It gave me more of a sense of an arrangement. perhaps a mutual respect but an arrangement none the less.
So again refering to the emotional loss of the first relationship....when you next were the seeker, experienced the craving that would lead to you to seek a relationship with a particular individual was there a residual negative effect from your first loss? I know we all have our baggage. I guess I am asking from a submissive point of view if it then took longer for trust issues to be put aside? It seems to me there is always a fragile spot when you are the one left behind. It is difficult when one comes to you with an open spirit and though you would like to comply somewhere inside you hold back just a bit, because you just cant help yourself. I try to remember the past in a positive light. I try to take that which was good with me and leave the rest behind. But i also find that when you are in a relationship that has required such dependancy and it is suddenly ripped from you the sadness sometimes over rides the wisdom you might have gained. Is there another chapter?
smiles, thank you for sharing

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Life

as I was reading this I felt a strong sense of your jubilation, and then your loss. If I read this correctly you had no prior feeling, that things were about to end for you. I wondered if you felt any bitterness for the lack of closure.
It was like the rug was pulled out from under you. It seems your next encounter, you were the one sought. It gave me more of a sense of an arrangement. perhaps a mutual respect but an arrangement none the less.
So again refering to the emotional loss of the first relationship....when you next were the seeker, experienced the craving that would lead to you to seek a relationship with a particular individual was there a residual negative effect from your first loss? I know we all have our baggage. I guess I am asking from a submissive point of view if it then took longer for trust issues to be put aside? It seems to me there is always a fragile spot when you are the one left behind. It is difficult when one comes to you with an open spirit and though you would like to comply somewhere inside you hold back just a bit, because you just cant help yourself. I try to remember the past in a positive light. I try to take that which was good with me and leave the rest behind. But i also find that when you are in a relationship that has required such dependancy and it is suddenly ripped from you the sadness sometimes over rides the wisdom you might have gained. Is there another chapter?
smiles, thank you for sharing

I suppose I am better equiped to deal with such things than most. In college I went rather quickly from existentialist to Zen. Maybe Zen is just existentialism to say the fourth power. LIfe is. (And that is a big period) Life is.

Each day is that day-no more-no less. If that day is wonderful, accept it, embrace it, enjoy it. And when that day is finished there is another. Was I happy about this? Could I change it? What one cannnot change, one must accept. To make one's self miserable is a form of masochism that I refuse to practice. Of course, I was not happy about it. But I accepted it.

And, once accepted the past can actaully become a lovely memory. There simply are no guarantees. Live must be lived as we find it.

I suppose I could go on, but sometimes less is more and I will refrain from philosophy lessons. It works for me and that is the most that I can ask. To allow the past to rule the present is to deny life. Life is.

 

[chelseachained]

In theory

I suppose I am better equiped to deal with such things than most. In college I went rather quickly from existentialist to Zen. Maybe Zen is just existentialism to say the fourth power. LIfe is. (And that is a big period) Life is.

Each day is that day-no more-no less. If that day is wonderful, accept it, embrace it, enjoy it. And when that day is finished there is another. Was I happy about this? Could I change it? What one cannnot change, one must accept. To make one's self miserable is a form of masochism that I refuse to practice. Of course, I was not happy about it. But I accepted it.

And, once accepted the past can actaully become a lovely memory. There simply are no guarantees. Live must be lived as we find it.

I suppose I could go on, but sometimes less is more and I will refrain from philosophy lessons. It works for me and that is the most that I can ask. To allow the past to rule the present is to deny life. Life is.

In theory i would love to emulate your beliefs, but i can not deny that each relationship for me influences the next. The only thing i can say with certainty is this... with the end of each relationship, i still am never sure of what i want but the picture becomes very clear about what i do not want.
chuckles ... kind of

 

[FurryFury]

In theory i would love to emulate your beliefs, but i can not deny that each relationship for me influences the next. The only thing i can say with certainty is this... with the end of each relationship, i still am never sure of what i want but the picture becomes very clear about what i do not want.
chuckles ... kind of

Ah, to have such clarity. I have benefited from pure luck, thank heavens!

Fury

 

[CTGalPal]

> hump and bump to everyone on the thread <

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Bit Of An Answer

Hello to all ,

I just started a relationship with a Dominant two weeks ago... Somehow, it all moved way faster that I initially expected it to... I've talked with Him for about a week on the phone and online before meeting Him in a public place. We would talk for hours every day and He was willing to answer any questions and encouraging me to talk with other people into bdsm before that meeting... He gave me references from women who knew Him so I could check out on Him, gave me His address and phone number, etc. I felt secured to meet Him in a public place when we did... We've met twice already and one of those was at His home and did involve sex.

It was my first D/S experience and I can say it was the sex of my life! He's Dominant yet He feels like a friend already because we can talk about anything and we do, for hours. After that encounter, I really wanted to see Him again but I started freaking about the entire thing a couple days after that...

I'm wondering if it isn't a crazy rhythm for a newbie... Does it make sense to start a D/S relationship that fast? I like talking with Him, I want to see Him again, but He already acts as if I'm His sub... I'm just wondering, is it usually a process where you should talk for weeks and weeks before starting anything D/S or can it go that fast and still work? And once we've had what you call a session, am I really His sub? It's both thrilling so far and a bit strange because it's all very knew... When we did have sex, it was very very light on the D/S because He knows I'm new at this so He don't dive into serious bdsm right away... But I have some concerns though...

Perhaps I'm overthinking everything since I do want to see Him again. At the same time, I feel like the need to submit is a very strong pull and perhaps I'm not thinking as clearly as I should... I just read an article about red flags, claiming that starting too fast with a D/S relationship can be a bad thing...

So, the main question is, should I be worried that He considers me His sub after that short a time?

Thank you

papillon

I'm certain that when the incomparable Lady Aria returns to posting she will give you the best and most detailed of answers to your questions. Unfortunately the demands of RL intrude more than we might choose. So, not to leave you out there alone, I will partially answer. You can only be his sub when YOU and only YOU make that decison. It is not a decision that he makes for you. IN BDSM as in all of life there is no fixed time frame. If you read my account of "Red Head," you can see that sometimes things can happen in a day that otherwise could take weeks or months. It is an individual thing. But it is something that you decide. There are some would be Dominats who think that from the beginning they have the right to make decisions for you. They do not have that right. It is a power that many subs choose to surrender to their Dominants, and that is fine. But, remember, you decide your surrender.

I am certain that Lady Aria will provide a much fuller answer as soon as she returns to posting.

 

[papilllon]

Thanks!

I'm certain that when the incomparable Lady Aria returns to posting she will give you the best and most detailed of answers to your questions. Unfortunately the demands of RL intrude more than we might choose. So, not to leave you out there alone, I will partially answer. You can only be his sub when YOU and only YOU make that decison. It is not a decision that he makes for you. IN BDSM as in all of life there is no fixed time frame. If you read my account of "Red Head," you can see that sometimes things can happen in a day that otherwise could take weeks or months. It is an individual thing. But it is something that you decide. There are some would be Dominates who think that from the beginning they have the right to make decisions for you. They do not have that right. It is a power that many subs choose to surrender to their Dominants, and that is fine. But, remember, you decide your surrender.

I am certain that Lady Aria will provide a much fuller answer as soon as she returns to posting.

Thanks for the answer, it's really appreciated.

My main concern was the speed at which we became involved. That being said, I have to admit He has told me that without a sub, there's no Dom and that it's a gift I can take back anytime. I was concerned about letting Him dominate me after that short a time, wondering if it's the way things are supposed to be or if, as someone new in D/S, it was a mistake to not take more time. And to have someone tell me I'm His was strange for me. It probably seems like a little detail for any experienced sub but it did provoke all kind of feelings in me!

I did talk with Him about this since I posted this message and I'm feeling really better now. I've always been someone to overthink everything and worry to no end... That being said, my gut feeling about Him is positive. And well, there's the fact that I don't want to run away...

You are very right when you say that there is no real fixed frame. I should remember that it's the case for any relationship.

papillon

 

[CTGalPal]

Just a quick hi to everyone!!!

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Its a run by fruiting so duck.

 

[FurryFury]

 

[leeroy jenkins]

Mrs Doubtfire, she is so unhappy that his ex wife is seeing this stud that when they are at the pool he throws a grapefruit or similar and says it was a run by fruiting.

 

[FurryFury]

Mrs Doubtfire, she is so unhappy that his ex wife is seeing this stud that when they are at the pool he throws a grapefruit or similar and says it was a run by fruiting.

Um, okay but was that a "slap" at someone or what?

Fury