Asexuals

[Lucifer_Carroll]

No, not the bacteria, the true biological asexuals, but rather the human asexuals.

We have a lot of threads on omnisexuality, bisexuality, etc, lately and it has me wondering again to the oddity I have encountered which is those who are attracted to neither sex, who lack any sexual drive, who have the inability to lust.

These sods have, according to them, working equipment that responds to rote sensory actions (get wet, get hard through masturbation and whatnot) and the ability to love without lust (they can fall in love in all areas except wanting or needing sex from their partner). However, the rest, the checking out, the attraction, the burning of the loins, just has seemed to for whatever reason of biology or life to have passed them by.

What do you think of these freaks, these human oddities? Did I just make them up? Could they exist? What do you think of them? What do you think of their sexual orientation? Would they be hated and looked down upon if they "came out"? And finally, have you yourself actually met or have known an asexual?

 

[Guest]

"...the burning of the loins..."

so sorry but this had me snickering.
yes, i do believe this exists. without question i know it is possible. my mother told me she had stopped having urges years and years ago...(no, mom, please dont tell me about your sex life) but she loved her husband with all her heart...
maybe just maybe when you get older, things kick in...

 

[Equinoxe]

There's a great deal of diversity of attraction in human beings and there are self-described asexual people, who incidentally often do still have sex (which seems a tad counterintuitive). Naturally, as with any group that doesn't entirely conform to the standard perceived nature of human beings, there is an active group that does regard asexual persons as being somehow psychologically or physiologically dysfunctional. However, many asexual people seem to be devoid of any disordered aetiology, but there isn't a whole lot of research being done into asexuality and there's a lot of disagreement.

Having said that, I would generally hold to the position that asexuality is a perfectly valid sexual orientation and don't have any problems with asexual people. Furthermore, I would generally regard an attempt to pathologise the orientation as dramatically overstepping the bounds of medicine and venturing into the realm of social control and God-playing.

 

[LadyJeanne]

One of my close friends says his sister simply has no interest in sex with men or women. He doesn't know if she is asexual - sex isn't really discussed in their family at all - so he also doesn't know if she would say she is asexual. But she's never had a relationship with anyone and doesn't seem interested at all in dating or anything and she's in her 40's. (And my friend is gay, so he'd notice if his sister was spending an awful lot of time with any lady friends...)

I don't think asexual people are freaky, nor would I shun anyone. I do kinda wonder what they fantasize about when they masturbate, though.

 

[Equinoxe]

Here are a few links related to Asexuals and Asexuality:
The Asexual Visibility and Education Network.

The Official Nonlibidoism Society, formerly known as the Official Asexual Society.

And an Asexual Personals site.

 

[Liar]

And finally, have you yourself actually met or have known an asexual?

I know one self proclaimed asexual. But I can't say for sure if he really is. It could be just a tag that sounds more "lifestyle" than the quite common intimacy phobia.

 

[cantdog]

I would generally regard an attempt to pathologise the orientation as dramatically overstepping the bounds of medicine and venturing into the realm of social control and God-playing.

Folks will certainly step right up and begin doing that, then. Lotsa people do love both those things.

 

[impressive]

Folks will certainly step right up and begin doing that, then. Lotsa people do love both those things.

It's a fetish.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I've known a few. Males mostly, but then, maybe the females just didn't want to talk to me about it. Two men who don't know each other, one in his 40's, one in his 50's, both lifelong bachelors, live alone, never had a girlfriend and don't want one.

My own feeling regarding these two men is that they're both gay and in deep denial. They just don't want to deal with it.

It's possible to be homosexual--or heterosexual for that matter--and be quite ashamed of it and dismayed.

I knew another guy, a very accomplished amateur musician and a lot of fun, who was just so screwed up by his religious upbringing that he didn't think sex was worth the hassle of a relationship. He was a violently anti-catholic ex-catholic, who had wet dreams about bombing the vatican from a private plane.

Come to think of it, I have another friend who's quite hetero, an ardent feminist, in fact, who's crippled by a sense of honesty so acute that he can't bear to deal in the white lies and social niceties necessary to establish a sexual relationship. The only women he'll sleep with are those with whom he reaches a clear understanding that there'll be no emotional commitment whatsoever. He actually broke up with a very attractive woman becase he felt she liked him too much and ws afraid he wouldn't be able to reciprocate.

 

[MercyMia]

I know at least two men who are asexual. One is single and completely unattached, without any intimate relationships. The other is married and has 2 children. He loves his family passionately but has no sexual stirrings. I'm not exactly sure how he fathered 2 beautiful kids. They're most certainly his as they carry many of his physical traits.

Asexuality is a very real way of existing. I don't think it means the person is repressed homosexual. I think it might be like being deaf or blind--there are some parts that aren't the same as in other people. I don't think it's freakish. I admire asexual people who have identified what they are and have not succumbed to social pressure (subliminal and overt) to "be" sexual.

In many ways, it must be a relief not to be "on" all the time and with this extra energy, I bet many asexual people have time to read, paint, compose, write...all the things we sexual beings wish we could focus on more often.