As a sub do you sometimes misbehave on purposes ?

[sidneyinheaven]

Just because you crave attention, i do from time to time. i know i will get punished for it. But hey in the long run thats what i want anyway.

Love
sidney

 

[girlofurdreams]

hmmm maybe....



lol

 

[RawHumor]

Brats - all of you.

 

[girlofurdreams]

Brats - all of you.

only on rare occasions... sometimes i just wake up in a cheeky mood


...Sir does get mad but also thinks i'm so cute because i'm so naughty and giggly tee hee

but most of the time i'm a very good girl

 

[twysted73]

I find it hard to be cross with her when she's looking over her shoulder, glint of playfulness in her eye and she's wiggeling her bum at me.

Her version of puppy dog eyes.
(those as well as tears have an opposite effect)

 

[ataxia.girl]

Very rarely. When i do its usually a pretty overt show of disobedience and means something is probably really wrong. i'm usually not even aware just how wrong things are. Its not generally premeditated.

i do lose my temper fairly regularly but that isn't to get attention though it sometimes has the same effect although more often the opposite.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Master's good at ensuring I get no enjoyment from something that is supposed to be a punishment. I get cheeky and bratty fairly regularly but only if he's in a playful mood and willing to indulge me.

If you feel you can only get the 'punishment' you want by misbehaving and not being submissive or sticking to whatever your rules are, then something is fundamentally out of balance with your dynamic and some re-negotiation with your dom should be in order.

 

[cullen9]

That's what made me decided to look at different forms of punishment. If she gets off on pain then she'll misbehave to get it.

 

[subbie_333]

Just because you crave attention, i do from time to time.

i will, if i think/know that She will be amused, as opposed to getting mad and punishing me.

i know i will get punished for it. But hey in the long run thats what i want anyway.

um, that's not a good thing. And, maybe that is where we need to define "punishment". To me, punishment is something that is not to be enjoyed, something to be avoided. And, basically, what you are describing is being disobedient on purpose, again not a good thing. If that is what you "want", then, i don't think i understand how you view your BDSM relationships.

On the other hand, if you mean "play" punishment, that is different. But, your approach can be viewed as "topping from the bottom", which is not really a good thing. If that is how the two of you initiate "play" and the PYL is OK with that, then, good for you. It just isn't necessarily a recipe that works for all.

 

[myinnerslut]

punishment is bad. punishment is not a reward for behavior. punishment is something Master would make sure was not enjoyable. i have no doubt in my mind that punishment would be something i did not enjoy in the slightest, designed to make me regret my actions and try to correct them in the future. no hint of anything i enjoy in there, thats just not how it works in Master's house.

in my old relationship, my ex didnt care enough about me to punish me even if there was just cuase for it, then out of the blue i would be punished excessivly. it made me wary about my actions and i tried harder to do everything right becuase unpredictability was worse then anything else. eventually i decided i just wasnt worth caring about and stop caring myself. in this erratic situation, i sometimes acted in a way that i suppose could be catagorized in the way the op was refering to but i regret it still as i felt it lowered my own worth.

 

[sidneyinheaven]

Maybe its just me. i want sir to know i am his. i have wants and needs too. i don't want to be bad just to get what i want. i may be to obessive in my desires. But im here to please. Let me do so. Don't think of me as coffee table. i am real. i need the pleasure of pain. i need the close feeling. Ah im sure its my fault. im still searching for what its all about. i know im in the right place for me in this l/s

Love
sidney

 

[subbie_333]

Maybe its just me. i want sir to know i am his. i have wants and needs too. i don't want to be bad just to get what i want. i may be to obessive in my desires. But im here to please. Let me do so.

That is being manipulative, not a good thing. The dominant is the one who decides what and when something gets done to please Them, not you.

Don't think of me as coffee table. i am real. i need the pleasure of pain.

You need to decide if the pain you seek is part of "play" and something you enjoy, or, if you crave pain for some negative reason.

i need the close feeling. Ah im sure its my fault. im still searching for what its all about.

If you have to be manipulative to get what you want and need, there is something wrong with the relationship.

 

[Homburg]

"Dysfunctional" is the first word that comes to mind. In my house, punishment is never something to be sought, as I make damned sure that it will not be fun, not be enjoyable. I dislike punishment vehemently, and thus I make sure that the few times I have punished, it has been memorable, and awful enough that there is no desire for a repeat performance.

And I make dead certain that the act chosen is not one that I enjoy either. I don't want to get my rocks off from punishment. If I want to give pain, I give pain. Setting it up as some form of faux punishment is just so much roleplaying, and that is not something I don't do outside of limited scenes.

The whole point to punishment is behaviour modification. If I am not doing something severe and directed and blatant enough to modify and correct bad behaviour, I might as well not do anything at all.

The final thing to mention is the most obvious one of all for me. If one of my gals wants attention, she knows she can just ask for it. So long a sI am not busy with work or somesuch, I'm likely to give it to her. And my girls are trustworthy enough not to abuse this priviledge.

 

[alexanna]

i do it

i misbehave not for the sole purpose of getting punished but it is a welcome side effect. my Dom at home who is also my husband of 11 years is not super into D/s. He's Dominant but doesn't have a a high drive for BDSM. If i act like a perfect little wife all the time all i get is fucked roughly a couple times a month.

Sooo i do misbehave and get sassy both as a way to let him know that its been too long and just because i am getting edgy and tense and i need the stress relief. i don't think to myself "i want to get punished so i'm going to act this way" its more like i am antsy and pensive and start getting snappy as a direct result of it having been too long.

For Him it makes it easier for him to dish out what i need if there is a reason. He is not a natural sadist but he does enjoy punishing me for real offenses. Seriously... if i've done nothing and we're just playing he does not get nearly as excited as if he is punishing me for a wrongdoing which usually involves me talking nasty to some random guy online which he doesn't really like. When i'm in trouble for something and he really is angry he enjoys it much more.

We've kind of worked it out. So its not like a play punishment but its not exactly real real either. i know what i can do that will raise his ire and get him in the mood to take his frustrations out on my backside and what is going too far. i walk the line quite a bit. A lot of it really is getting him in the mood though. He kinda has to be angry and then its fun for everyone and we feel closer afterwards. He just has a hard time getting into it without the pretext and we both need the pretext to be real.

Soo i guess you could argue that i top from the bottom but not really. We both know what's happening and if he didn't like it all he would really have to do is tell me he doesn't like it and we would work out some other system. i think we both just like to keep it a little unpredicatble and like the anger element to feel real. Anger and then its release can feel very cleansing.

 

[desertslave]

First off, I think there's a big difference between acting up out of sheer playful silliness, and being directly defiant.

Master and I have a pretty lighthearted relationship. We joke, we laugh, and thankfully he knows I can't resist a double entendre under any circumstances. He's not the broody serious type, either. (Thank goodness!)

I used to brat out, with my first Sir. Punishment under him was NO laughing matter, ever. I guess I was pretty well broken of that kind of indirect communication. If I wanted attention, I learned to say so, clearly and respectfully. Anything else, anything less, would assure denial of what I wanted most for much longer than I might have waited, otherwise.

/nondirected rant on/ I think that's something that truly bugs me about a lot of relationships (though I shouldn't worry, since I'm not in them!). Poor communication skills...being deliberately indirect because one can't or won't just say what's going on, or because they think their SO should just 'get it'....it's such a foolish waste of time. I might not get what I want/think I need when I ask for it, but I have a much better chance of it if I haven't danced around the subject, and/or assumed that he just knows where my head's at. /rant off/

 

[alexanna]

/nondirected rant on/ I think that's something that truly bugs me about a lot of relationships (though I shouldn't worry, since I'm not in them!). Poor communication skills...being deliberately indirect because one can't or won't just say what's going on, or because they think their SO should just 'get it'....it's such a foolish waste of time. I might not get what I want/think I need when I ask for it, but I have a much better chance of it if I haven't danced around the subject, and/or assumed that he just knows where my head's at. /rant off/

We actually do talk ... a lot but after so long sometimes very clearly communicated and negotiated excitement just isn't that exciting... for either of us.

In the final analysis being unpredictable is one of the reasons he likes me

BUT we did not start out D/s and so we have to kind of frankenstein it together i guess to make it work. This is one reason i think inserting D/s into an existing marriage often adds a layer of complexity that isn't there when you find someone based on their compatibility with you as a D/s partner.

 

[EmpressFi]

No, I dont, because to do so disrespects who he is in our relationship. It's manipulative and it's me trying to control things.

Yes I'm bratty sometimes, but I dont do it to get punished or attention. I do it because it's one of the things he loves about me.

 

[subbie_333]

The final thing to mention is the most obvious one of all for me. If one of my gals wants attention, she knows she can just ask for it. So long a sI am not busy with work or somesuch, I'm likely to give it to her. And my girls are trustworthy enough not to abuse this priviledge.

i think that is a very good approach and way to have a relationship. It's about wants and needs, and, just because one is a dominant doesn't mean that They are the only ones getting Their wants and needs met.

 

[subbie_333]

Yes I'm bratty sometimes, but I dont do it to get punished or attention. I do it because it's one of the things he loves about me.

Yeah, to me, bratty is a personality trait that the PYL likes in that pyl, and, in general finds it amusing and/or endearing. So, being bratty is more being the court jester and less topping from the bottom to gain control or to force action.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Just because you crave attention, i do from time to time. i know i will get punished for it. But hey in the long run thats what i want anyway.

Love
sidney

Never. As Fi said it would be disrespectful.. If I want a spanking I will ask politely for it.

I will admit though... I have noticed over the years that if there is a gradual lessening of the amount of attention he is giving me or he is seeming distracted or easing up a little too much then I get antsy. Him being less dominant makes me feel less submissive. My mood and my tone may change but not because I am purposely trying to manipulate him, it is just a instinctual reaction to his moods.

We have both started to see and recognize when this happens and adjust accordingly.

 

[Homburg]

i think that is a very good approach and way to have a relationship. It's about wants and needs, and, just because one is a dominant doesn't mean that They are the only ones getting Their wants and needs met.

This is the truth, and something that has always been so clear that I'm surprised that others don't get it. A D/s relationship is still a relationship, and all parties have needs that must be met. Sure, the PYL's needs take precedence, but failing to fulfill to the pyl's needs is a great way to erode the foundation of the relationship.

 

[graceanne]

No. Punishment sucks. I'm a smart ass, yes. He likes smart asses. I joke and tease, and so does he. It's how we show affection - we're very polite to strangers and people we don't like.

I do not, however, deliberately piss him off. Not. Ok.

 

[married29]

I can say I wouldn't want too. I'm way too into the pleasing aspect to do that. Not that I have one to misbehave for...lol.... but if I did, I would want to be an incredibly, incredibly good girl so that he's pleased.
I feel like truly submitting means letting go of what I want for pleasure and really focusing on doing what is necessary to please him which is my main purpose.


What do most of the Doms reading this think?

 

[Kajira Callista]

I'm not owned and I am a brat all the time.

Not really a sammy in real life but bratty and flirty always. If a dominant doesnt like that in a girl then I am not for them.

Can I behave? Pfftttt better then you can imagine, but I am still a brat.
Do I misbehave on purpose? Hmmmm I would have to say no I dont do it to get punished but I do it on purpose if that makes any sense.

It is kind of hard to explain and i dont really know how i am seen from the Doms eye but I dont think there is anything wrong with being a brat. I do think that if someone is seeking punishment there is something wrong in the relationship but as i said i am unowned...what the hell do i know.

 

[rida]

No. I do not enjoy being punished. I do not like the feeling of having displeased my PYL. And not liking pain surely is an incentive for not causing any need for physical punishment.

However I might test boundaries, or get cheeky (being a smart ass is a personality trait) or dish out in frustration. In the case of boundary testing and cheekiness I can see the need for punishment if it was out of line. But in the case of frustration, I think that first there is some need for a good talk.