Articulate rudeness.

[DesEsseintes]

Reading through several threads here, it struck me that one problem people often have with the anonymous rudeness so often foisted upon anyone who sticks their head above the parapet is not the rudeness itself. It is the dull, illiterate, repetitious, unimaginative nature of it.

Some of us consider a well-crafted insult to be amongst the height of wit. To receive a put-down from Wilde or Parker would be better, almost, than a compliment. Shakespeare, too, had some wonderfully creative insults.

So this thread is for two purposes.

1: To insult, creatively and wittily, the person above you. Bonus points for obsolete or rare words (tatterdemalion, ragamuffin, etc), or imaginative juxtapositions.

2: To post imaginative rudeness, in words or videos, which made you laugh.

A few from me to begin with:

A: Charlie Brooker on Adam Richman (Man V Food) - I have a huge soft spot for the man and the programme, but this is viciously funny, especially the last paragraph;

B: Victor Lewis-Smith on Adrian Chiles: "Chiles is a man whose head has seemingly been prised into a bottle. I'm in favour of uncompromising physical ugliness on television (well, I would be, wouldn't I?) but, frankly, I wonder about the wisdom of hiring a man who, even if he hadn't been in a car smash, would still have to be identified from his dental records."

C: And the king of them all, the Gorbals Goebbels, Malcolm F***ing Tucker.


Have fun! I'm holding on with both hands for the first person to take me down, elegantly with a rapier or powerfully with a blunderbuss.

 

[Backdoor_Bella]

Reading through several threads here, it struck me that one problem people often have with the anonymous rudeness so often foisted upon anyone who sticks their head above the parapet is not the rudeness itself. It is the dull, illiterate, repetitious, unimaginative nature of it.

Some of us consider a well-crafted insult to be amongst the height of wit. To receive a put-down from Wilde or Parker would be better, almost, than a compliment. Shakespeare, too, had some wonderfully creative insults.

So this thread is for two purposes.

1: To insult, creatively and wittily, the person above you. Bonus points for obsolete or rare words (tatterdemalion, ragamuffin, etc), or imaginative juxtapositions.

2: To post imaginative rudeness, in words or videos, which made you laugh.

A few from me to begin with:

A: Charlie Brooker on Adam Richman (Man V Food) - I have a huge soft spot for the man and the programme, but this is viciously funny, especially the last paragraph;

B: Victor Lewis-Smith on Adrian Chiles: "Chiles is a man whose head has seemingly been prised into a bottle. I'm in favour of uncompromising physical ugliness on television (well, I would be, wouldn't I?) but, frankly, I wonder about the wisdom of hiring a man who, even if he hadn't been in a car smash, would still have to be identified from his dental records."

C: And the king of them all, the Gorbals Goebbels, Malcolm F***ing Tucker.


Have fun! I'm holding on with both hands for the first person to take me down, elegantly with a rapier or powerfully with a blunderbuss.

omg I LOVE Malcolm Tucker!!

 

[DesEsseintes]

omg I LOVE Malcolm Tucker!!

If you and I were the last humans on Earth, I'd be trying to breed with the Ebola virus.
(You forgot to insult me, by the way. But I'm glad you love Malcolm Tucker. So looking forward to his Dr Who, but I suspect it won't be quite as sweary.)

 

[seth6138]

So you were the quickest and smartest of all the dumb ass sperm your dad shot off?

 

[DesEsseintes]

So you were the quickest and smartest of all the dumb ass sperm your dad shot off?

And you were the slowest and dumbest. All the rest had the sense to run SCCRREEEEAAAAAMMMMIIIINNNNGGGG from that syphilitic nest of buboes your mother called her womb.

 

[NotHisLady]

And you were the slowest and dumbest. All the rest had the sense to run SCCRREEEEAAAAAMMMMIIIINNNNGGGG from that syphilitic nest of buboes your mother called her womb.

Sir
While I am entirely certain that you've considered the consequences of this particular endeavor (at least insofar as such a limited intellect is able to consider anything which is to say briefly) I wonder if you realize that there are those who are in fact capable of completing a sentence willing to take up your inane challenge.
Such an imbecilic embodiment of thought as is this exercise will surely put off all but the most vitriolic but I must say that to skewer such an arrogant bit of paltry wit intrigues me. Do you suppose that it is necessary to invite derision in order to have it heaped upon you or is it simply your wish that such thoughts as are most undoubtedly bandied about be heaped upon you publicly so that you may reside beneath a pile of them as pigs reside happily in heaps of manure?
Please do enlighten me, should you find yourself sufficiently enlightened yourself why it should be a pleasant or desirable action to wallow in the inevitable pit you are destined for.

 

[DesEsseintes]

Sir
While I am entirely certain that you've considered the consequences of this particular endeavor (at least insofar as such a limited intellect is able to consider anything which is to say briefly) I wonder if you realize that there are those who are in fact capable of completing a sentence willing to take up your inane challenge.
Such an imbecilic embodiment of thought as is this exercise will surely put off all but the most vitriolic but I must say that to skewer such an arrogant bit of paltry wit intrigues me. Do you suppose that it is necessary to invite derision in order to have it heaped upon you or is it simply your wish that such thoughts as are most undoubtedly bandied about be heaped upon you publicly so that you may reside beneath a pile of them as pigs reside happily in heaps of manure?
Please do enlighten me, should you find yourself sufficiently enlightened yourself why it should be a pleasant or desirable action to wallow in the inevitable pit you are destined for.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

 

[pfflyerhot]

I dunno. Does funny = articulate rudeness?

 

[SmileyGirl]

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence...apparently

 

[Backdoor_Bella]

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but the highest form of intelligence...apparently

can I be the chick in the background saying stuff like,

'oooh, snap!'
'oh no he di'int!!', or
'BURN!!'

 

[NotHisLady]

can I be the chick in the background saying stuff like,

'oooh, snap!'
'oh no he di'int!!', or
'BURN!!'

I suppose, if that's the best you can do.
Bless your heart.

 

[MadRose]

Reading through several threads here, it struck me that one problem people often have with the anonymous rudeness so often foisted upon anyone who sticks their head above the parapet is not the rudeness itself. It is the dull, illiterate, repetitious, unimaginative nature of it.

Some of us consider a well-crafted insult to be amongst the height of wit. To receive a put-down from Wilde or Parker would be better, almost, than a compliment. Shakespeare, too, had some wonderfully creative insults.

Have fun! I'm holding on with both hands for the first person to take me down, elegantly with a rapier or powerfully with a blunderbuss.

I'm not much for rudeness, but do have an appreciation for articulate alliteration. Perhaps, I can kill you with kindness? I find your wiley woundy wrackful way with wicked witty and wacky words rather wonderful. Whenas and whencesoever you reply with a wroth wanion, wanting to leave me wrecked and writhled, I will not weep or whimper.

 

[Zach_lost_in_Aus]

can I be the chick in the background saying stuff like,

'oooh, snap!'
'oh no he di'int!!', or
'BURN!!'

..Que?

 

[MsLead]

Que or not okay?.....that is the question.....

 

[Zach_lost_in_Aus]

Basil: Listen, don't mention the war! I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right. [returns to the Germans] So! It's all forgotten now, and let's hear no more about it. So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goering, and four Colditz salads.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Basil: Is there something wrong?

Elder Herr: Will you stop talking about the war?

Basil: Me! You started it!

Elder Herr: We did not start it!

Basil: Yes you did — you invaded Poland.

 

[Zach_lost_in_Aus]

[Basil is in hospital and a nurse is tending to his injuries]

Basil: Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!

Sister: Yes, yes. We must have our little jokes, mustn't we?

Basil: Yes, we must, mustn't we? My God, you're ugly, aren't you? Mind boggling!
[The nurse is shocked by Basil's comments]

Sybil: Basil?!

Sister: I-I'll get the Doctor.

Basil: You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.


"elderly sister": Mr Fawlty, we're concerned about your health. "

Basil": Well I'll live longer than you.

 

[NotHisLady]

[Basil is in hospital and a nurse is tending to his injuries]

Basil: Don't touch me! I don't know where you've been!

Sister: Yes, yes. We must have our little jokes, mustn't we?

Basil: Yes, we must, mustn't we? My God, you're ugly, aren't you? Mind boggling!
[The nurse is shocked by Basil's comments]

Sybil: Basil?!

Sister: I-I'll get the Doctor.

Basil: You need a plastic surgeon, dear, not a doctor.


"elderly sister": Mr Fawlty, we're concerned about your health. "

Basil": Well I'll live longer than you.

“Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water.”

 

[Zach_lost_in_Aus]

“Whoever knows he is deep, strives for clarity; whoever would like to appear deep to the crowd, strives for obscurity. For the crowd considers anything deep if only it cannot see to the bottom: the crowd is so timid and afraid of going into the water.”

''I say unto you: one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star."
Does the Lady have two left feet?

 

[NotHisLady]

''I say unto you: one must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star."
Does the Lady have two left feet?

Showing off is the fool's idea of glory

 

[Zach_lost_in_Aus]

Showing off is the fool's idea of glory

"A fool, a fool! I met a fool i' the forest,
A motley fool! - a miserable world!
As I do live by food, I met a fool
Who laid him down and bask'd him in the sun
And rail'd on Lady Fortune in good terms,
In good set terms, and yet a motley fool"

"What if we assay'd to steal
The clownish fool out of your father's court?
Would he not be a comfort to our travel?"

Better to journey with mirth and joy than to arrive in misery...

 

[NotHisLady]

"A fool, a fool! I met a fool i' the forest,
A motley fool! - a miserable world!
As I do live by food, I met a fool
Who laid him down and bask'd him in the sun
And rail'd on Lady Fortune in good terms,
In good set terms, and yet a motley fool"

"What if we assay'd to steal
The clownish fool out of your father's court?
Would he not be a comfort to our travel?"

Better to journey with mirth and joy than to arrive in misery...

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.

 

[Zach_lost_in_Aus]

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.

A smile cures the wounding of a frown.

 

[NotHisLady]

A smile cures the wounding of a frown.

Brass shines as fair to the ignorant as gold to the goldsmiths

 

[Zach_lost_in_Aus]

Brass shines as fair to the ignorant as gold to the goldsmiths

Where there's muck, there's brass.

 

[NotHisLady]

Where there's muck, there's brass.

Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.
got to go make dinner, it's been fun